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Transference focused psychotherapy

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Re: Transference focused psychotherapy

Postby covertunsure » Wed Oct 30, 2019 2:37 am

Update: Psychiatrist prescribed me dexedrine (dextroamphetamine) for ADHD and continued my Lamictal prescription for mood disorder/bipolar. Unfortunately, the amphetamine triggered a mild hypomania so I have to get off of it. I feel so disappointed and hopeless. I was so hoping that the amphetamines would be a miracle drug of sorts, as Adderall was for 2 days when I took it at 21 (till I spiraled into severe depression). But alas, yet another therapeutic intervention fails, yet another nail in the coffin yet again that proves I'm hopeless.

I don't know what I have and how to treat it and where to even start. I want to know what I *HAVE*. Everyone tells me different things and different things to do to fix it. This really sucks. No one knows everything or even many things; each has their area of particular specialization.

My dad says I should only do behavioral therapy, not TFP and any other talk therapy. For example, since I walk with my head down on the street and have recently started putting my hand over my head to block out people that don't find me attractive (defending grandiosity, I assume), he says to simply walk head up and look at people, make eye contact, and realize that just because people don't look at me on the street doesn't mean they're rejecting me. That's all fine, but of course, the natural and unbearable obvious next conclusion to that is that I have to accept that some people won't find me attractive, which creates a narcissistic injury and a hole that I desperately need to fill with proof of the opposite--of being perfect.

I feel like I can't win with this or whatever disorder(s) I have. It's pretty awful.

I've also lost two friends in the past two weeks. One says I joke too much and poke fun too much, and the other said I cross boundaries, am too negative and complaining, and crossed the line in making rape jokes with his friend (who's a girl, but not a girlfriend).

So yeah, life sucks right now.
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Re: Transference focused psychotherapy

Postby Akuma » Wed Oct 30, 2019 5:52 am

covertunsure wrote:Update: Psychiatrist prescribed me dexedrine (dextroamphetamine) for ADHD and continued my Lamictal prescription for mood disorder/bipolar. Unfortunately, the amphetamine triggered a mild hypomania so I have to get off of it. I feel so disappointed and hopeless. I was so hoping that the amphetamines would be a miracle drug of sorts, as Adderall was for 2 days when I took it at 21 (till I spiraled into severe depression). But alas, yet another therapeutic intervention fails, yet another nail in the coffin yet again that proves I'm hopeless.

I don't know what I have and how to treat it and where to even start. I want to know what I *HAVE*. Everyone tells me different things and different things to do to fix it. This really sucks. No one knows everything or even many things; each has their area of particular specialization.

My dad says I should only do behavioral therapy, not TFP and any other talk therapy. For example, since I walk with my head down on the street and have recently started putting my hand over my head to block out people that don't find me attractive (defending grandiosity, I assume), he says to simply walk head up and look at people, make eye contact, and realize that just because people don't look at me on the street doesn't mean they're rejecting me. That's all fine, but of course, the natural and unbearable obvious next conclusion to that is that I have to accept that some people won't find me attractive, which creates a narcissistic injury and a hole that I desperately need to fill with proof of the opposite--of being perfect.


Seems like your parents arent on the same page, when your mother finances your long-term in-depth therapy but your father suggests you do a short-term behavioral one? Its resonates with your psychiatrist, who doesnt offer you a long-term treatment but gives you a [not so magic] pill that is supposed to work instantly. Basically there are two people here that offer you short term solutions, one at least of which you have already tried, but instead of being annoyed with them you are annoyed with yourself while the other people here that offer you long-term help are strangely absent.
dx: dissociative disorder + npd
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Re: Transference focused psychotherapy

Postby ZeroZ » Wed Oct 30, 2019 11:26 am

*GRAIN OF SALT*
*Im not a professional *

Ok with all the disclaimers out of the way, I’ve noticed a few things, this approach of avoidance, is feeding into your own fears. By not looking at people you don’t know how they are reacting to you so you are free to assume the worse, which is what you are doing, and it’s making it worse evidenced by the hand covering up.

Now if anything what people are probably reacting to is that you probably come off as strange walking that way, please don’t take this as negative and become self conscious about that. It’s what I call a self fulfilling prophecy, you assume people are judging you, and your afraid to be judged negatively and by acting this way you are causing the very reactions you are trying to avoid which has nothing to do with your looks but you are spinning it that way in your mind.

The way to attack that is to look up at people, obviously not stare but you will notice that they don’t care about you or what you look like or are doing, and if they do judge you negatively you have to realize that says something about them and not you, because they don’t even know you, even if it is grandiosity the key is self acceptance, even of your flaws, not to try and reinforce the idea of a perfect being, it doesn’t exist anywhere on earth it’s a losing battle to try, so why bother?
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Re: Transference focused psychotherapy

Postby ViniStonemoss » Wed Oct 30, 2019 7:42 pm

covertunsure wrote:Sorry if you told me this before, but are you diagnosed with NPD or any other PD?


You asked me before and I forgot to include my answer in the post. But now that you've asked twice, you got my attention, why do you want to know?
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Re: Transference focused psychotherapy

Postby covertunsure » Fri Nov 01, 2019 2:15 pm

Akuma wrote:
covertunsure wrote:Update: Psychiatrist prescribed me dexedrine (dextroamphetamine) for ADHD and continued my Lamictal prescription for mood disorder/bipolar. Unfortunately, the amphetamine triggered a mild hypomania so I have to get off of it. I feel so disappointed and hopeless. I was so hoping that the amphetamines would be a miracle drug of sorts, as Adderall was for 2 days when I took it at 21 (till I spiraled into severe depression). But alas, yet another therapeutic intervention fails, yet another nail in the coffin yet again that proves I'm hopeless.

I don't know what I have and how to treat it and where to even start. I want to know what I *HAVE*. Everyone tells me different things and different things to do to fix it. This really sucks. No one knows everything or even many things; each has their area of particular specialization.

My dad says I should only do behavioral therapy, not TFP and any other talk therapy. For example, since I walk with my head down on the street and have recently started putting my hand over my head to block out people that don't find me attractive (defending grandiosity, I assume), he says to simply walk head up and look at people, make eye contact, and realize that just because people don't look at me on the street doesn't mean they're rejecting me. That's all fine, but of course, the natural and unbearable obvious next conclusion to that is that I have to accept that some people won't find me attractive, which creates a narcissistic injury and a hole that I desperately need to fill with proof of the opposite--of being perfect.


Seems like your parents arent on the same page, when your mother finances your long-term in-depth therapy but your father suggests you do a short-term behavioral one? Its resonates with your psychiatrist, who doesnt offer you a long-term treatment but gives you a [not so magic] pill that is supposed to work instantly. Basically there are two people here that offer you short term solutions, one at least of which you have already tried, but instead of being annoyed with them you are annoyed with yourself while the other people here that offer you long-term help are strangely absent.


Hi Akuma, good to hear from you and thank you for the feedback. :) Who are you referring to/could you please elaborate on, "the other people here that offer you long-term help are strangely absent"?
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Re: Transference focused psychotherapy

Postby covertunsure » Fri Nov 01, 2019 3:46 pm

ZeroZ wrote:*GRAIN OF SALT*
*Im not a professional *

Ok with all the disclaimers out of the way, I’ve noticed a few things, this approach of avoidance, is feeding into your own fears. By not looking at people you don’t know how they are reacting to you so you are free to assume the worse, which is what you are doing, and it’s making it worse evidenced by the hand covering up.

Now if anything what people are probably reacting to is that you probably come off as strange walking that way, please don’t take this as negative and become self conscious about that. It’s what I call a self fulfilling prophecy, you assume people are judging you, and your afraid to be judged negatively and by acting this way you are causing the very reactions you are trying to avoid which has nothing to do with your looks but you are spinning it that way in your mind.

The way to attack that is to look up at people, obviously not stare but you will notice that they don’t care about you or what you look like or are doing, and if they do judge you negatively you have to realize that says something about them and not you, because they don’t even know you, even if it is grandiosity the key is self acceptance, even of your flaws, not to try and reinforce the idea of a perfect being, it doesn’t exist anywhere on earth it’s a losing battle to try, so why bother?


Yes, thinking about it, it is strange to walk that way. I have aspergers traits also and have trouble with putting myself in other people's shoes and seeing how that might come off.

But just to clarify, I actually am free to assume that they did find me attractive if I don't look at them to verify, thus reaffirming my grandiosity.

And if I try to "face reality" and walk looking forward, I'll always notice if someone doesn't notice me or if they look at me and look away immediately, indicating that they likely don't find me attractive.

Then I get extremely angry and want to hurt them because of the narcissistic injury it creates. I have to constantly repress aggressive urges to lash out, scream at them, hurt them. When I'm out and about, it feels like I'm being stabbed a bunch of times over and over in my gut.

Rinse and repeat. This is my daily nightmare.

I always think and torture myself with, "well, if I were better looking, that person would have done a double-take, or this person would have made eye contact."

-- Fri Nov 01, 2019 10:48 am --

ViniStonemoss wrote:
covertunsure wrote:Sorry if you told me this before, but are you diagnosed with NPD or any other PD?


You asked me before and I forgot to include my answer in the post. But now that you've asked twice, you got my attention, why do you want to know?


I just would like to know where folks are coming from and if they can truly understand and relate to where I'm coming from with my need for perfection, admiration, etc.
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Re: Transference focused psychotherapy

Postby Akuma » Sat Nov 02, 2019 7:15 am

covertunsure wrote:Hi Akuma, good to hear from you and thank you for the feedback. :) Who are you referring to/could you please elaborate on, "the other people here that offer you long-term help are strangely absent"?


I was just referring to the post itself. It struck me that you were talking about your father and your psychiatrist - who to me both seem to be trying to offer quickfixes -, while your post made it seem [to me] like your mother and your therapist - who offer more longterm solutions - seemed to have been wiped from the picture.
dx: dissociative disorder + npd
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Re: Transference focused psychotherapy

Postby ZeroZ » Sat Nov 02, 2019 12:33 pm

covertunsure wrote:Yes, thinking about it, it is strange to walk that way. I have aspergers traits also and have trouble with putting myself in other people's shoes and seeing how that might come off.

But just to clarify, I actually am free to assume that they [b]did find me attractive if I don't look at them to verify, thus reaffirming my grandiosity.[/b]

And if I try to "face reality" and walk looking forward, I'll always notice if someone doesn't notice me or if they look at me and look away immediately, indicating that they likely don't find me attractive.

Then I get extremely angry and want to hurt them because of the narcissistic injury it creates. I have to constantly repress aggressive urges to lash out, scream at them, hurt them. When I'm out and about, it feels like I'm being stabbed a bunch of times over and over in my gut.

Rinse and repeat. This is my daily nightmare.

I always think and torture myself with, "well, if I were better looking, that person would have done a double-take, or this person would have made eye contact."


This is the part I’m having a hard time understanding because it sounds like the opposite, like you don’t think they will think your good looking and you are avoiding their negative reactions. I don’t know maybe I’m not getting it. If you avoid the reaction you won’t get any positive reactions either which I would think would feed your mood. So it sounds to me you expect more negative than positive? What has your psychologist said about this particular dynamic? It’s not easy to understand I’ll say that much
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Re: Transference focused psychotherapy

Postby ViniStonemoss » Tue Nov 05, 2019 12:04 am

covertunsure wrote:I just would like to know where folks are coming from and if they can truly understand and relate to where I'm coming from with my need for perfection, admiration, etc.


I was disordered though no PD. But I am traited and currently dealing with negative consequences of said traits.

Thus, I can relate to your need for perfection but not admiration.
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Re: Transference focused psychotherapy

Postby covertunsure » Mon Nov 11, 2019 5:50 pm

ZeroZ wrote:
covertunsure wrote:Yes, thinking about it, it is strange to walk that way. I have aspergers traits also and have trouble with putting myself in other people's shoes and seeing how that might come off.

But just to clarify, I actually am free to assume that they [b]did find me attractive if I don't look at them to verify, thus reaffirming my grandiosity.[/b]

And if I try to "face reality" and walk looking forward, I'll always notice if someone doesn't notice me or if they look at me and look away immediately, indicating that they likely don't find me attractive.

Then I get extremely angry and want to hurt them because of the narcissistic injury it creates. I have to constantly repress aggressive urges to lash out, scream at them, hurt them. When I'm out and about, it feels like I'm being stabbed a bunch of times over and over in my gut.

Rinse and repeat. This is my daily nightmare.

I always think and torture myself with, "well, if I were better looking, that person would have done a double-take, or this person would have made eye contact."


This is the part I’m having a hard time understanding because it sounds like the opposite, like you don’t think they will think your good looking and you are avoiding their negative reactions. I don’t know maybe I’m not getting it. If you avoid the reaction you won’t get any positive reactions either which I would think would feed your mood. So it sounds to me you expect more negative than positive? What has your psychologist said about this particular dynamic? It’s not easy to understand I’ll say that much


I don't really get it, either, to be honest, lol. But I think it's a strange mix of both. On one hand, I need, feel entitled to, and thus sort of expect, everyone to find me attractive or I feel worthless. It's my only way of mentally surviving. On the other, I expect people I like, in particular, to not be into me. When they are, I "reject" them first because I assume it was a fluke and how could they be into me? I also have rigid beliefs about good-looking people being snobby, arrogant, full of themselves, and more judgmental. These ideas may be partly true, but I think I amplify them in my mind to a maladaptive, self-defeating extreme, and I also project my own arrogance onto them.

My psychologist still doesn't think I have NPD or a fundamental narcissistic structure, but that I have narcissistic defenses with a borderline personality organization. He says it doesn't really matter that much as the treatment is the same, but that people with full-blown NPD are much harder to treat as their defenses are much more rigid and ego-syntonic.

He also doesn't think my reactions and expectations of attention on the street are typical for regular narcissists (or anyone), and that my fluctuations in self-esteem are more pronounced than "regular" narcissists or pwNPD. Not sure if that's true but it's what he said.
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