Our partner

Who else here has empathy for others, but...

Narcissistic Personality Disorder message board, open discussion, and online support group.

Moderator: realityhere

Who else here has empathy for others, but...

Postby Ubinix800 » Fri Jul 19, 2019 2:36 pm

has a hard time connecting?

Not so sure about full-blown pathological NPD, but for coverts/vulnerable's here, would you say you do hold empathy for others, and animals even, but almost choose to keep your safe emotional distance, and/or have a hard time connecting due to your self-absorption?

It's almost like, if I see someone sad or upset, I would still feel some sort of emotionally empathetic response to them, sometimes a strong response, even when watching sad movies, but I would 9/10 immediately choose to keep my distance from the situation. I may come off as a heartless robot even though really I am not.

I mean coverts aren't schizoids, full-blown NPD'ers or psychopaths, there is nothing neurologically wrong with them that would prevent them from having empathy, when you think about it. Maybe "selective" empathy is a better description, like I don't want to feel vulnerable (hate that) so I keep closed off.

I think I might just be detached from my own 'very sensitive' feelings, which is why I usually don't feel much when I'm in a good mood, and because of that I can't properly resonate/care about others easily; you know, you need to feel something yourself to feel something for someone else.

Thoughts?
BDD and vulnerable narcissism/avpd traits.
Ubinix800
Consumer 5
Consumer 5
 
Posts: 117
Joined: Sat Jul 25, 2015 3:35 pm
Local time: Tue Nov 12, 2019 5:57 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: Who else here has empathy for others, but...

Postby Akuma » Fri Jul 19, 2019 5:52 pm

Complicated. I've always been a pretty empathetic person and just yesterday when I read about that horrible arson in Japan I was getting teary about it for example. But my dissociative illness is first of all blocking me from feeling most emotions, even if they are somehow present, and then I am not really interested in most people - so from that perspective of course there is also way less reason to care.
In terms of choosing to react it depends on the person. My mom used to cry around a lot for example and make puppy eyes which just made me annoyed and even more unwilling to show any concern for her crap. Other people I might be much more willing to listen, to. So there seems to be something about feeling like I am expected, or have to, or I am "forced" to respond, or if I choose to; also which roles are being played otu in the situation seems important.
Connecting as a whole doesnt seem to have so much to do with empathy though for me. As you say, too it has to do with how much you want to disconnect from yourself maybe but also how able you are to tolerate dependency or having needs. The more withdrawn one is, the less I think there is an awareness for a wish or even necessity for social interaction.
dx: dissociative disorder + npd
Akuma
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1665
Joined: Wed Jul 06, 2011 1:56 pm
Local time: Tue Nov 12, 2019 7:57 pm
Blog: View Blog (1)

Re: Who else here has empathy for others, but...

Postby ZeroZ » Fri Jul 19, 2019 10:01 pm

Well, I probably have more going on but I can understand someone’s situation and their situation if they explain it too me but I can really ever remember getting any significant empathetic emotional reaction. In fact the first time someone told me they could empathize and feel someone’s emotions (well their own emotions mirroring). I thought they were totally nuts...
ZeroZ
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1293
Joined: Thu May 09, 2019 4:03 pm
Local time: Tue Nov 12, 2019 12:57 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Who else here has empathy for others, but...

Postby AProphet » Fri Jul 19, 2019 10:51 pm

Akuma wrote:Complicated. I've always been a pretty empathetic person and just yesterday when I read about that horrible arson in Japan I was getting teary about it for example.


Thats grandiosity, not empathy.

ZeroZ wrote:Well, I probably have more going on but I can understand someone’s situation and their situation if they explain it too me but I can really ever remember getting any significant empathetic emotional reaction. In fact the first time someone told me they could empathize and feel someone’s emotions (well their own emotions mirroring). I thought they were totally nuts...


This is empathy. You never miss anything. Thats nuts, that you dont miss having this.
AProphet
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 236
Joined: Fri Apr 19, 2019 6:02 pm
Local time: Tue Nov 12, 2019 5:57 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Who else here has empathy for others, but...

Postby Akuma » Sat Jul 20, 2019 4:01 am

ZeroZ wrote:Well, I probably have more going on but I can understand someone’s situation and their situation if they explain it too me but I can really ever remember getting any significant empathetic emotional reaction. In fact the first time someone told me they could empathize and feel someone’s emotions (well their own emotions mirroring). I thought they were totally nuts...


They might be. ;)
Most of the people here in the past who have demanded empathy from their partners seem to have also been convinced that only emotional empathy is real empathy, while cognitive empathy is somehow "wrong" or inferior. I always thought this stems from their wish to have a close, pre-individuation-phase kind of connection to their partners, where they can offload their feelings to another person like to some idealized parent or are perfectly understood in a way thats simply not possible in the real world. So in a way, to try staying close to the topic, this kind of "empathy" overrides the need for connection, where connection acknowledges the distance and difference between two people and the limitations that brings, which can be very hard to bear if compared to the idealized image.
On another note I guess theres some significant overlap between affective empathy and emotional contagion.
dx: dissociative disorder + npd
Akuma
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1665
Joined: Wed Jul 06, 2011 1:56 pm
Local time: Tue Nov 12, 2019 7:57 pm
Blog: View Blog (1)

Re: Who else here has empathy for others, but...

Postby ZeroZ » Sat Jul 20, 2019 11:08 am

whatever deficit I have in emotional empathy has never caused me any problems, it has bothered other people because they think I just don’t give a shlt but I’m trying to find solutions instead of getting emotionally overwhelmed like themselves. Which is better, which is worse? I think in terms of species and evolution so all I see is a need for humans to be comforted which probably goes back who knows how far in our DNA If we had evolved to value solutions over emotional comfort than maybe it would be the opposite
ZeroZ
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1293
Joined: Thu May 09, 2019 4:03 pm
Local time: Tue Nov 12, 2019 12:57 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)


Return to Narcissistic Personality Disorder Forum




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Akuma and 36 guests