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So, why do You think you're a Narcissist?

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So, why do You think you're a Narcissist?

Postby ThisEndUp » Wed May 29, 2019 7:35 pm

So you are a narcissist.
Where do you think it comes from?
Were you born that way or do you feel like it is something that you developed?

Is there some person or incident or series of incidents that you think contributed to it?

Is it a lack of trust, a grave psychic injury, or abuse that led you to this?

What is the first instance you can recall where you felt any kind way about something- or maybe you realized you DIDNT feel any kind way and thought you should?

Thanks for the insight!
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Re: So, why do You think you're a Narcissist?

Postby AProphet » Wed May 29, 2019 8:25 pm

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uvhhubvTX1o
I was the black sheep. The identified patient. My narcissist mom made me into a self-abusive automaton.
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Re: So, why do You think you're a Narcissist?

Postby Ubinix800 » Fri May 31, 2019 11:05 pm

Scored like 90 on the maladative narcissism scale, definitely caused by unconscious low-self-esteem and deep shame, I'm "that kind" of narcissist, not the grandiose kind. Have the lack of emotional regulation as well, fine and rarely feel anger (or much else really) unless I feel my ego is threatened.

Probably born this way, don't know how but maybe this is the case. Upbringing was fine as far as I can tell.
BDD and vulnerable narcissism/avpd traits.
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Re: So, why do You think you're a Narcissist?

Postby GadSitar » Sat Jun 01, 2019 3:08 pm

I was definitely not born like this. It's the result of a series of trauma and specifically, disruption with primary caregiver (mother). She left me with my dad when I was 6 months old. That's when the first stepping stone to narcissism started. Eventually lots of abuse, trauma and violence including trying to drown me in a bathtub. I must have disconnected at some point and developed some attachment disorder.
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Re: So, why do You think you're a Narcissist?

Postby ThisEndUp » Fri Jul 19, 2019 4:40 pm

Does anyone have any stories specifically regarding UNFAIRNESS or some vents which happened where they felt like they were treated unfairly.
I think the idea of fairness is something that has at least a small root in empathy- I mean how do you know something is unfair if you dont know how others are treated in relation to yourself?

How do you think *fairness* plays into your life?

I really appreciate your last replies! Thank you

-- Fri Jul 19, 2019 4:42 pm --

AProphet wrote:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uvhhubvTX1o
I was the black sheep. The identified patient. My narcissist mom made me into a self-abusive automaton.

Do you feel like you are powerless to break free of this or not?
Do you feel hopeful at all for being different or do you not really care or see a benefit to that??

-- Fri Jul 19, 2019 4:49 pm --

GadSitar wrote:. Eventually lots of abuse, trauma and violence including trying to drown me in a bathtub. I must have disconnected at some point and developed some attachment disorder.


This is horrible. It makes me wonder how you feel about the concept of self worth?
Books would say that as a narcissist ,you would hate yourself & put on a false facade of overly confident important ect...
But the inner child idea would be something like," I am so awful my own parent doesn't want me". ( horrible!)

You do know your worth is not determined by others including a parent. They like or dislike you based on their own feelings about themselves. Our worth is determined by us. What we think about ourselves. If we believe or agree with our parents or others....
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Re: So, why do You think you're a Narcissist?

Postby ThisEndUp » Fri Jul 19, 2019 4:51 pm

Ubinix800 wrote: fine and rarely feel anger (or much else really) unless I feel my ego is threatened.


Do you feel you need tone right or perfect all the time?

How are you with making mistakes?
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Re: So, why do You think you're a Narcissist?

Postby xdude » Sun Jul 21, 2019 11:31 am

Ah well being told I was is a start, but then again my T thought maybe, because I do introspect, and would only leave it at a 'maybe' because of the introspection. I am not sure when that became a requirement, lack of introspection, maybe it's implied.

On a personal level though, I realized I was keeping myself at a great distance from others, judging them, really believed I am better, analyzing life vs living it. Starting the get over myself part was hard, but it's taken a LONG time to stop believing I am better than others, and I still revert to that in groups. I stand off, am very selective who I will speak with, over analyze what I will say before I say it, expect others to win my trust, dismiss others based on nothing much but a first impression...

The bad part is that I am the only one who loses when I go into that mode. Everyone else enjoys themselves, while I am sitting there alone in my self-created bubble of superiority.

I am a male and my choices seemed to be full on BPD, or NPD (AsPD was out of the question). I got most rewarded for NPD thinking, and behavior. Accomplish things, prove your worth, get first place or at least try, do not feel but do, be a leader do not follow. NPD thinking is what I got rewarded for.

But again, is lack of introspection a requirement for narcissism? Or is it just the more common case?

p.s. it appears that most everyone here introspects, so if lack of introspection is a requirement, then maybe few or nobody here is.
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Re: So, why do You think you're a Narcissist?

Postby ddreamer » Sun Jul 21, 2019 5:47 pm

i believe, and i spoke more about it in the recent Compensatory NPD, that my narcissistic tendencies that i displayed as a young adult (competitiveness, self interest and self absorption, feeling superior and special) were basically a defense for low self esteem and high neuroticism throughout my life. now, i behave more like a codependent, and just recently i was sucked in into a disastrous relationship with an amorous narcissist.

looking for that Maladaptive Covert Narcissism Scale one of the posters mentioned above, i found an interesting paper with such a scale: http://www.midss.org/sites/default/file ... _scale.pdf

not sure how to score the answers (does anyone know?), but looks like covert narcissist is a different animal from the overt one. see Table 2: coverts are associated with high shame, low self esteem, high neuroticism, and high introversion, while the overt ones have no association with those traits.

and yes, i have plenty of empathy and introspection myself. i easily qualify for the empath type, as commonly described online.
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Re: So, why do You think you're a Narcissist?

Postby AProphet » Sun Jul 21, 2019 5:58 pm

ddreamer wrote:and yes, i have plenty of empathy and introspection myself. i easily qualify for the empath type, as commonly described online.


If you have empathy and self reflection, you dont have NPD (pathological narcissism). Possibly some narcissistic traits only? Is that what compensatory means? not familiar with the term. Remember that what you call "covert narcissism" (shouldnt realy be called in all correctness covert) is also called narcissist-codependant.
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Re: So, why do You think you're a Narcissist?

Postby anastasiababina2000 » Sun Jul 21, 2019 6:54 pm

Yeah I used to get that too. I found out it is because I am too delicate or something like that. I also found out it is a really old term for overly sensitive people
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