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Helping a friend with severe NPD

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Helping a friend with severe NPD

Postby BorisNYC » Fri Mar 08, 2019 4:09 am

Hello,

I have a friend who seems to have a very severe NPD, to the point that he cannot even work.
He lacks so many basic social skills, but the biggest is the complete lack of empathy, everything is related to him.
He lives in his lies. He always asks for a lot, expects perfection, shows up only when he needs.
A simple conversation turns very quickly to an argument, a big drama where it is impossible for him to de escalate the situation which is always for silly things. He immediately tries to reverse the situation, trying to make me feel the bad one. He uses at this time little pieces of personal information i may have revealed in the past. My whole life, carreer, family, affective life is during those dramas under heavy accusations.
With the time i learnt not to react and take thise accusations seriously.

I really wish he could have a normal life.

Each time I tried to speak about a potential personality disorder, he becomes very aggressive.
I know he sees a therapist but I'm pretty sure he doesn't says everything, lies a lot to him/her, and not talks about the real point.
Im in contact by text with his mother. She is extremely worried but simply fatalistic hoping that tomorrow will be better. She doesn't speak English very well and i haven't talk to her yet about NPD, im afraid she is not going to realize what NPD is and its extend.
My hope would be 1st to be make him aware of NPD and the to send him see a therapist that knows how to deal with narcissistic people.

In the meantime I also have to protect myself. He is very disrespectful to me because he doesn't want to show any feelings towards me. He also accuses me to do that only for me.
he pushes constantly limits.

Im older, my life is established so all his attacks doent really affect me. i dont want to give up like everyone else who tried to help him. I dont see any progress. Im not a psychologist so I don't try to play that role.
What would be the best strategy to help him?
It is very difficult, explaining him how to act and react better with other people would be a good thing but impossible to do as he feels attacked.
Any help advise would be very helpful
Thank you very much.
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Re: Helping a friend with severe NPD

Postby Akuma » Sat Mar 09, 2019 5:51 am

"I have a friend who is basically an asshole to me, so he probably has a personality disorder, but I want to help him cause he has secret feelings for me."

Hmmm yeaaa.

I'd say apart from the splitting in the story if you need to ask random internet people how to interact wich him, then you're out of your league and should accept that; and maybe wonder more why you need him as an outlet for your rescue fantasies.
dx: dissociative disorder + npd
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Re: Helping a friend with severe NPD

Postby BorisNYC » Sat Mar 09, 2019 9:11 pm

Hi Akuma,

You are going a little arsh. Easy easy please. Iam not asking randoms people how to interact with him.
I m asking people who have experience with narcissistic personality disorder their advice on how to help them, on the things that really work.

It took me more than a year to realize it was that. Before i suspected NPD i just couldn't understand how a person could show no sign of empathy.
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Re: Helping a friend with severe NPD

Postby Akuma » Tue Mar 12, 2019 11:33 am

It took me more than a year to realize it was that. Before i suspected NPD i just couldn't understand how a person could show no sign of empathy.


First of all, theres also substance abuse disorder, bipolar isorder, rad, basically all pds, depression, stress, autism spectrum disorder, physiological abnormalities, schizophrenia spectrum disorders, dissociative disorders, depersonalisation disorder..... theres a lot of illnesses that go with empathic problems. As long as you cant professionally differential him, it's quite useless to stamp someone with a PD, especially one that has so many facets as NPD. It makes you look like its more of an interpersonal relation stamp due to your own wishes, too.
I dunno - the expectation that you can help him makes me think you are relatively young yourself. Take it from someone getting older, convincing people of stuff, even if its totally obvious facts to you, is very often impossible, even if they are neurotypical neurotics who simply dont want to believe certain stuff. Its not your fight in the first place, its his. Normally people with PDs get some insight in their mid 20s to mid 30s. Thats really all to it imo.
dx: dissociative disorder + npd
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Re: Helping a friend with severe NPD

Postby Squaredonutwheels » Wed Mar 13, 2019 4:29 am

NPD forum has the opposite effect on first time posters as the AsPD forum.

Many first time posters here don't realize how narcissistic they are.

Posters in the AsPD want to convince others they have it. Here people roll in trying to convince they don't have it and want to help someone else that they are projecting themselves into.

Fascinating.

I wonder if, if they hang around trying to help this 'other', they will gain enough insight to see themselves or if this projecting out leads nowhere at all.
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Re: Helping a friend with severe NPD

Postby Akuma » Wed Mar 13, 2019 6:43 am

I was talking with my ex drugdealer on the phone a few days ago. He was biting my ear off for an hour about spiritual stuff, some of it frankly totally insane. I told him several times I've stopped being interested in religion and spirituality but he just started over and over again with his masters and the ancestors and spirits they are in contact with etc, ultimately even offering me a paid voodoo consultation. All the while being totally convinced of being an empath, as he explicitly said, apparently not realizing at all that he couldnt even look for a shared topic or listen like a normal person.
And when I asked him, in one of the moments he was breathing in, why he is doing all that stuff he said "I want to know myself". I mean thats like staring down at a piece of dog poo on the street and studying it because you want to know yourself, its stupid but a quite natural outcome when you are so projective and only have fake insight.
I felt bad for his kids.
dx: dissociative disorder + npd
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Re: Helping a friend with severe NPD

Postby SoloZombie » Wed Mar 13, 2019 2:54 pm

Squaredonutwheels wrote:NPD forum has the opposite effect on first time posters as the AsPD forum.

Many first time posters here don't realize how narcissistic they are.

Posters in the AsPD want to convince others they have it.



Usually my biggest sign they don’t have it, a psychopath would probably try to convince you what a great guy he is.
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Re: Helping a friend with severe NPD

Postby Squaredonutwheels » Fri Mar 15, 2019 9:14 am

Akuma wrote:I was talking with my ex drugdealer on the phone a few days ago. He was biting my ear off for an hour about spiritual stuff, some of it frankly totally insane. I told him several times I've stopped being interested in religion and spirituality but he just started over and over again with his masters and the ancestors and spirits they are in contact with etc, ultimately even offering me a paid voodoo consultation. All the while being totally convinced of being an empath, as he explicitly said, apparently not realizing at all that he couldnt even look for a shared topic or listen like a normal person.
And when I asked him, in one of the moments he was breathing in, why he is doing all that stuff he said "I want to know myself". I mean thats like staring down at a piece of dog poo on the street and studying it because you want to know yourself, its stupid but a quite natural outcome when you are so projective and only have fake insight.
I felt bad for his kids.


"Empath" offering you a paid voodoo consultation. :D
He should be paying you for listening to him the silly goose.

Poor kids. The cycle of life continues..
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Re: Helping a friend with severe NPD

Postby Squaredonutwheels » Fri Mar 15, 2019 9:48 am

SoloZombie wrote:
Squaredonutwheels wrote:NPD forum has the opposite effect on first time posters as the AsPD forum.

Many first time posters here don't realize how narcissistic they are.

Posters in the AsPD want to convince others they have it.



Usually my biggest sign they don’t have it, a psychopath would probably try to convince you what a great guy he is.


I think it's contextual.
Trying to convince who and why? What do they get?

@OP
Do you feel like you don't have a normal life?
Do you want to see a psychologist?
What's your attraction to this person you have declared has NPD and seem to know not only how they feel but also what is best for them. Why are you so invested in 'them'?
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