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Core values

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Re: Core values

Postby Kimera1 » Sun Feb 10, 2019 6:44 pm

I definitely didn't find it easy to answer these, but here's my attempt.

Kimera1 wrote:1. Are values something that you spend any measurable amount of time considering? Either in yourself or in others?

More now since NPD awareness and trying to sort myself out. Reflecting back on pre-awareness, the most thought I gave to my values was the belief that I somehow had them more right than other people, despite an utter lack of evidence.

Kimera1 wrote:2. Do you find it relatively easy to pin down your own core values, or is it more like nailing Jello to the wall? If the latter, is it a problem?

It’s a bit of a problem. Given my issues, I have to pressure test my thinking because I’m prone to falling for my own act. Is it really a core value or is it how I want others to perceive me? Do my choices and behavior support it?

Kimera1 wrote:3. Are there one or two values that you place great importance on when sizing up others? You can define “others” (friend, spouse/partner, mentor, etc). Any that you particularly admire in others?

Integrity and ambition spring to mind. With regards to ambition, it’s more about the forward momentum than the final outcome. Also greatly admire willingness to be vulnerable and graciousness when I see it in others.

Kimera1 wrote:4. Are there one or two values that you place great importance on for yourself and your approach to life? How strongly do you believe they define you?

I’m working through this, but two things come to mind that I can confidently say are now, and have always been, part of who I am and how I operate. One is goal-orientation – I’m always working something and usually several things at a time. The other is independent, critical thinking. Ever since I can remember I’ve been mostly oblivious to authority and rules – not to be rebellious (although that’s what it was labeled), but because authority and rules needed to make sense for me to submit to them. Today the one type of person that is most likely to cause a full-on Kimera eruption is the one who says, “But we’ve always done it that way” or “that’s the protocol around here” when the protocol is quite obviously useless.

Kimera1 wrote:5. If people who knew you were to describe you, would they consistently name the characteristics you most value in yourself?

I think so.

Kimera1 wrote:6. Have your values been relatively stable over time or do they ebb and flow with the tides?

The two I highlighted have been stable over time. There are others, I’m sure. Need to think about it more.

Kimera1 wrote:7. Do you find that you generally behave in a way that’s consistent with your core values? If not, do the moments of inconsistency cause you to feel conflicted at any level?

In general, yes.

Kimera1 wrote:8. Have you found yourself in a situation that made you question your core values? How did it go?

Yes, a few times. More recently I was in a relationship that I probably shouldn’t have been in. The part that causes me to question my values is how much it didn’t bother me. My moral compass glitches from time to time, and that’s probably true of a lot of people. But I imagine other people experience some modicum of internal conflict, whereas I experience none. I don’t really understand that aspect of myself.
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Re: Core values

Postby Greebo » Mon Feb 11, 2019 4:31 am

Kimera1 wrote:
Greebo wrote:
Kimera1 wrote:2.Do you find it relatively easy to pin down your own core values, or is it more like nailing Jello to the wall? If the latter, is it a problem?


Pin down in what sense? Can I reel them off as a comprehensive codified list like the Ten Commandments? Probably not.

It’s more like a common law system, ingrained principles/concepts adapted and refined by experience and consideration. Trying to compress down the entirety of my thought on every matter to explain it all simply and comprehensively to someone else would be unrealistic.

On the other hand if you mean do I know what I believe and can I list a couple off the top of my head with a high degree of confidence? Then yes.

I meant more the latter. Do you feel like sharing what tops the list?
I don’t know about the top of the list. I can do some fragments of the whole.

Those who are able have a duty to those who are not, to utilise their abilities as best they can. Likewise that those who are able have a duty to defend and limit the suffering of the vulnerable who can’t defend themselves. That the good or bad we do is directly related to the change we affect for the benefit or harm of other living things (directly or indirectly). That value is primarily derived from service. That a person’s achievement is determined not by the destination reached but the distance traveled. That authority imposes accountability. That we are accountable for the choices we make and that the choice not to act is in itself a choice. Etc etc

Those probably aren’t particularly accurately worded but you get the idea.

Greebo wrote:
Kimera1 wrote:3. Are there one or two values that you place great importance on when sizing up others? You can define “others” (friend, spouse/partner, mentor, etc). Any that you particularly admire in others?


I’m not entirely certain what you mean by ‘values’ in this context.

I’m probably more likely to value skills or attributes I admire but do not possess more highly than those that I do. Beyond that it’s very context dependent.

Would you be willing to share an example?
I admire the continual optimism and faith in human nature some of my colleagues maintain in spite of being constantly exposed to its sh*tter aspects, while I end up defending myself with a constant stream of black humour and sardonicism.
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Re: Core values

Postby Kimera1 » Fri Feb 15, 2019 5:07 pm

Greebo wrote:Those who are able have a duty to those who are not, to utilise their abilities as best they can. Likewise that those who are able have a duty to defend and limit the suffering of the vulnerable who can’t defend themselves. That the good or bad we do is directly related to the change we affect for the benefit or harm of other living things (directly or indirectly). That value is primarily derived from service. That a person’s achievement is determined not by the destination reached but the distance traveled. That authority imposes accountability. That we are accountable for the choices we make and that the choice not to act is in itself a choice. Etc etc

How did your upbringing contribute to the shaping of your values? Were you inspired by adults in your life, shaped by your own personal experiences, combination of multiple factors?

That question is open to anyone, btw.
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Re: Core values

Postby Greebo » Sat Feb 16, 2019 1:51 am

Kimera1 wrote:How did your upbringing contribute to the shaping of your values? Were you inspired by adults in your life, shaped by your own personal experiences, combination of multiple factors?
I don’t know that it did really. My values don’t mimic those of any family members or authority figures in my youth as far as I know. I know my parents tend to find me difficult to understand partly because of them and both find my particularly cold blooded and utilitarian method of problem solving upsetting (for lack of a better word). Teachers and similar in my pre-teen years thought me ‘surly’ and uncooperative.

Much as I appreciate it must sound like a bullsh*t answer, for my perspective my ethical system is pretty much the product of cognition and to a lesser degree personal experience.

It should also be noted, re-reading it that snippet I used as an example does make me sound ‘nicer’ than I am in practice. I don’t believe in intrinsic values and fail to incorporate sanctity or the other self-evident ‘truths’ that others seem to. The consequence of which is that concepts like ‘the greater good’ can be unpleasant in my hands.
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Re: Core values

Postby Kimera1 » Sat Feb 16, 2019 4:31 am

Greebo wrote:I don’t know that it did really. My values don’t mimic those of any family members or authority figures in my youth as far as I know.

Do you recall if your parents made any overt attempts to instill their values in you growing up? What do they value?

This thread got me thinking about my parents values, something I really haven't considered before. I do think my father made an effort to instill his values in me, although I didn't see him very often. He set a high bar for achievement and status, and while I'm the only one of his children to come close to measuring up, I still fall short. I'm hard pressed to sort out my mother's values based on her behavior when I was growing up. Honestly I think she valued the life she believed she was meant to have rather than the one she was living. Both of my parents are pathologically self-absorbed and neither engages in volunteering, charity work, or community service.

Greebo wrote:It should also be noted, re-reading it that snippet I used as an example does make me sound ‘nicer’ than I am in practice.

Well, in all fairness, niceness wasn't one of the items of your list of values. Your list struck me as more dutiful than kind, but there is an inherent kindness to serving those in greater need than yourself.

On the other hand, I tend to place significantly more weight on what people do as opposed to what they believe. I think that we are all walking bundles of inconsistencies and though we claim to, we don't really understand ourselves all that well.
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