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Re: Shrooms

Postby SelfSerf » Tue Jun 11, 2019 8:12 pm

SelfSerf wrote:
cubem0n wrote:My behaviour and goals nowadays are very much in line with the ones that "archonic forces"


Hmm. I’ve looked into this a bit.

The guy I know who I very much suspect also is a pwNPD with strong antisocial traits and who has been heavily into shrooms, he has told me recently that one of the things he likes nowadays is getting people to experience bad trips. Similarly, when I asked him about the entities that he has seen, he basically commented on how there always has to be a balance in the universe. Like the evil forces have to exist for there to be good and so on, the classic story of yin and yang basically. I don’t really want to agree with him there though. I don’t relish being evil. I mean going against your own well-being, self-destructiveness is one thing but acting out of willful spite is another.

But then again, I know the very nature of NPD is that it’s like a defence cloak that gets thrown over the childlike psyche, everytime the going gets tough or reveals the *monster within*. Not being acquainted and unaccepting of your shadow, essentially denying its existence is what got you (i.e. me) in trouble in the first place so why would you make this mistake over and over. This childlike quality that cNPD’s have of only seeing themselves as perfect and denying all own faults might be charming but being emotionally immature and essentially not being able to carry one’s weight makes a dangerous individual. Mixed with an inability for clear and other-serving goal-setting (unrealistic, vague, not following through) but also an inability to have self-worth without doing extraordinary feats deriving from not learning the meaning of their own power and no real sense of responsibility as an individual for who they truly are. This energetic vacancy and proneness to misery sure makes easy pickin for all the bad forces in the universe. (in a way I see this is my NPD mind trying to find justifications for what is a fault of the disorder)

Going without adoration is essentially showing me something though It is a state where for the first time I’m having to come to terms with having full responsibilty over my life, not that I’m particularly successful at it but...

Recently I´ve experienced that when I truly dissociate and tend to go full on with my ASPD traits happens when I get no acceptance, no appreciation for who I am (when I spend time with my NPD father, he never asks how I am doing, perhaps pays only little attention to WHAT I am doing). I see him suffering immensely as well due to his own incapabilities, of course. Anyhow, I grew extremely desperate a few days ago, not being able to get a handle on my addictions, abusing alcohol but also being very physicially demanding with myself and I just felt like losing touch with reality. And I´ve been trying prayer in conjunction with frequencies that are aimed at ridding the aural body of negative entities and energies. And I do feel an odd difference....the strangest thing is that I´ve been experiencing what is like shivers when I feel like really finding a right intention during prayer.

Long story short — I actually wanted to ask, have you tried listening to some of the archon-fighting frequencies on YT? I am slowly starting to believe there is more to this storyline..
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Re: Shrooms

Postby Akuma » Thu Jun 13, 2019 5:43 am

SelfSerf wrote:This energetic vacancy and proneness to misery sure makes easy pickin for all the bad forces in the universe. (in a way I see this is my NPD mind trying to find justifications for what is a fault of the disorder)


To be frank I dont think a person who thinks healing frequencies will kill the alien parasites in his aura is in any position to accurately diagnose himself. Youre also showing signs of thought disorder with that loosely associated stream of ideas here. You should look for a clinic before this escalates.
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Re: Shrooms

Postby SelfSerf » Thu Jun 13, 2019 12:10 pm

Akuma wrote:
SelfSerf wrote:This energetic vacancy and proneness to misery sure makes easy pickin for all the bad forces in the universe. (in a way I see this is my NPD mind trying to find justifications for what is a fault of the disorder)


To be frank I dont think a person who thinks healing frequencies will kill the alien parasites in his aura is in any position to accurately diagnose himself. Youre also showing signs of thought disorder with that loosely associated stream of ideas here. You should look for a clinic before this escalates.


Ha.All I was saying is, I don't think it's implausible to think that this order has a spiritual beginning to it. I subscribe to the scientific explanation of personality disorders as well but baving experienced things that could only be described as supernatural, I think that it is partly due to being spiritually malnourished. Spirituality doesn't have to necessarily be metaphysical though, it can be a question of lack of communion with your fellow beings.

Hey, am partially aware of how disordered the thinking is when I make these posts. To be fair to myself, I was binging on caffeeine and dark chocolate on an allnighter preceding an exam. I've noticed being stressed out makes my mind go beserk but an inability to plan ahead and focus + a sadistic sense of having to prove myself through constantly putting myself in all or nothing positions makes this stuff happen.

As for those frequencies, I do think there might be something to those sounds with possibly helping get in touch with a more vulnerable side of yourself. There was a thread on here which was about healing their own NPD and BPD by attempting to nourish themselves, candlelit baths, frequencies and all that. It might not be an end cure (and nothing will) because obviously relationships are needed to procur change but I don't think feeling yourself out the NPD but it might go some way of finding an accepting and reinforcing parental voice inside oneself, to use when in a hard place, instead of the inner critic constantly.
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Re: Shrooms

Postby Akuma » Thu Jun 13, 2019 1:10 pm

Just be careful. Delusional systems creep up on people and they usually do so within a very weird construct in which they are all fun and games, while on the other hand side the claustrophobic quality of "being inside" is becoming more and more problematic. When you're finally caught in such a thing, then having a personality disorder is really the least of your issues.This goes for certain "therapies", too btw. Was just a topic again with my therapist yesterday; one should have a certain respect for ones defenses. Just drilling blindly here and there might not be the best option.

I've noticed being stressed out makes my mind go beserk but an inability to plan ahead and focus + a sadistic sense of having to prove myself through constantly putting myself in all or nothing positions makes this stuff happen.


This is funny, because I felt when I read your post that there was masochism in it. But to me it felt more like a part of you thinks it deserves being crazy.
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Re: Shrooms

Postby SelfSerf » Thu Jun 13, 2019 5:39 pm

Akuma wrote:This is funny, because I felt when I read your post that there was masochism in it. But to me it felt more like a part of you thinks it deserves being crazy.


I would say that's a keen observation there .I´ve actually had this characteristic to my personality for quite a few years. Funny thing that I just remembered is the first therapist who I seeked out after I discovered that I might be personality disordered was not a trained professional but just someone interested in therapy and did as a side-job (yes, I know). He was asking only as much as you were willing to pay for the session and said to me once "well, one way of looking at all of what you´re experiencing as how borderline crazy it is possible to get". I think he was alluding to a detached way of experiencing life as such though which still does not make it good advice though.

After my first girlfriend (of 4 years, we were living together) left me is when it first hit me and I basically became mascohistic and relishing ´my bad luck´. She fell in love with another guy she was hanging around a lot due to having band practice and I was convinced it was my fault (it was, I had been neglectful of her most of the relationship but became emotionally abusive/overwhelming her with my problems by the end). Lookin back I know I had already devalued her for a year at least in my head, for many different petty reasons. My defense mechanism for her abandoning me then was to psychologically beat myself about this happening and I went on some weird binge where I thought the world of myself as a free agent. I was grandiosely self-hating I guess whilst simultaneously being happy to have this relationship end on me (in a detached sort-of I bear no responsibility sort of way. Did not critically consider my own disordered skewed way of thinking about things at all. I thought that was just how I operated.

Actually during our one any only shroom trip together at a point I oddly enough experienced my feelings as the same as if toward my deceased mother so I had basically projected to her the role of caretaker. Losing her was reliving that abandonment a second time over.
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