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Realizing the loss

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Realizing the loss

Postby NevaCroix » Sun Sep 23, 2018 12:14 am

I am good at ending friendships - and for myself there were everytime reasons to finish it.
However, after breaking up with some friends, I suddenly felt sad.
I realized that I felt connected to them - and despite of some arguments and a different view of life - I adored them in some way. I ended this ,,chapter" because of ending my studies, and terrible memories about the job I did during university - and unfortunately they were a part of it, because of working there.
My relationship with my collgues were chaotic, distant and complicated. Some of them were fake, impulsive and really aggressive. I never met such annoying, trivial and idiotic people.

I visited my old work today - it was quite on the way .. so, I've seen a lot of people there (including my former friends).
It is clear that I miss my former friends - but I realized that I had deeper feelings for the most there(?)
I hated some of them so much, so why do I miss them - care about them?
Is it common for narcisstic people to surpress their real emotions towards people; like to avoid an intenser bound?

I am confused - it is way to irrational.
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Re: Realizing the loss

Postby Absinthe » Wed Sep 26, 2018 5:34 pm

NevaCroix wrote:Is it common for narcisstic people to surpress their real emotions towards people; like to avoid an intenser bound?

I don't think I'm suppressing my emotions towards others; I just find it easy to walk away from people when I'm ready to move on. If I do look back it's not with pangs of sadness or nostalgia. I'm moving soon - it's a big move, and there are a number of friends I will most likely never see again. I don't feel sad about that.

Oddly enough, the one person I think I will miss is my driver who has been taking me back and forth to the airport for the last several years. I'm not always in the mood to chat in which case we drive in silence. But if I start up a conversation, he entertains me the whole way with interesting stories. I learned a lot about him over the course of several dozen trips to the airport. One time we were discussing Russian literature and the next time I saw him he brought me a book by Gogol. Another time we were comparing notes on wines we like, and he brought me a bottle of his favorite Syrah. He was always there when I needed him, never there when I didn't, and he expected nothing from me other than payment for the ride. I think I'll miss him. He was a good driver.
I’d gladly settle for a false impression,
If it would last a little longer, though
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