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Postby rhoadesd » Wed Sep 05, 2018 7:43 pm

I'm diagnosed with BPD and also think I have NPD or at least some of its traits.

Some evidence comes from my self-centered attitude when it comes to relationships with women as I feel entitled to sex and their bodies. Feel that entitlement is a big red flag for NPD based on what I read. Also don't respect most women and get angered when seeing the attractive ones on my campus or on streets cause I have thought in my head that those women are unattainable for certain reasons. I'm admitting to being a straight misogynist. However, I have had success in pretending to be friendly with women and have had brief friendships with many before they ended abruptly due to my ego and angry outbursts. BTW, I don't get a lot of sex and am not that good at wooing women into bed, but it happens on occasion. So while appearing narcissistic in regards to entitlement, I seem to lack the consistent fake charm and assertiveness to get those sexual needs satisfied.

My hobbies also seem to indicate NPD traits. I do bodybuilding and strength training to look more aesthetically pleasing and to be stronger than most of male population. After each workout I look at my body parts in mirror and measure them while posing. In contrast, I have low self-esteem in other aspects of life, such as when I'm socializing and trying to make friends, but when alone and at home I think of myself as superior to people because I'm lifting heavy weights and being a modern day muscle ninja. My thinking seems distorted and self-contradictory.

Also my goals in life are to become an actuary at a firm and move up into management so I have higher social status and more money. In other words, my goals are quite superficial and based on material needs and to help with getting more sex and admiration from attractive women in the future. More narcissistic goals. Currently finishing last year at Ivy League school so this dream could become a reality if I keep my emotions regulated and not end up screwing things up.

Not proud of these seemingly narcissistic traits or my misogyny, but that's how I am currently. So not trying to show off on here and be a douche, but simply asking other people if they think I'm suffering from NPD or maybe I just have a few traits of it while mostly being a male borderline?

And if I do seem to have NPD is it even treatable? Any techniques that help with symptoms of entitlement, envy, anger, and insecurity? I don't feel I can change my thoughts that make me hate and want to sexually degrade women. I'm guessing I hate women due to having an abusive step mom for many years as child and also getting bullied by other women during my early adult years before I had any self-confidence.

I posted this on the ASPD forum first cause I was worried that the entitlement things were more sociopathic. You know! Think of Elliot Rodger, though I don't plan on killing anyone or myself. And not an incel since I've had a few flings in past and a couple girlfriends. Still, people on that forum did compare me to him. Not a fun thought to know that I could be a Rodger copycat in terms of my opinions on women.
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Re: BPD and NPD

Postby dibita » Thu Sep 06, 2018 10:32 am

BPD does have a sense of entitlement as well. Most persons with BPD I've ever known also have issues regarding envy and exploitation too. There's quite a bit of overlap between NPD and BPD.
In therapy for NPD.
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