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rage and shame

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rage and shame

Postby rails » Wed Aug 08, 2018 3:47 am

recently ive had an episode of rage, one of my worst so far

i physically and verbally attacked my partner, and caused criminal damage to the property we were living at. i feel great shame at what i have done to my partner, but i just couldnt control myself after what they said to me, its almost like its what they wanted to happen. BTW i suspect my partner of having some kind of PD also. I surprised myself on how far I was willing to go and how wicked my mouth was, these episode are increasing in intensity.

as a result of this the police have banned me from speaking to my partner or visiting the property for a specified amount of time, obviously i havent adhered to their demands, i'm risking prison in the process

my partner has not pressed any charges, and still wants to see me. BUT my partner was off with me last night, pretending to sleep when I wanted to talk, this has thrown me off a little and i am bothered by it. i am worried my partner may leave me this time as they are realising they can function without me

over recent months i have lost a lot of my 'supplies' if thats what you want to call them. and this is making me very depressed and edgy. i had fallen back into excessive alcohol and drug abuse, which is maybe why people are distancing themselves, i dont know

i feel people in my life are no longer looking up to me anymore, and i feel like $#%^

i do recognise this as a cycle of mine, and i will come though it but right now i feel suicidal

i am isolating myself from everyone and mostly sitting away in a room. BTW i have been clean of drink and drugs for over a week.

Are there any techniques you guys can recommend to get back on track after an episode like mine?

Thanks
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Re: rage and shame

Postby ZombieZ » Sun Aug 12, 2018 4:13 pm

Only thing I want to mention is I don’t know what kind of formal charges were pressed against you but if you violate a no contact order you are taking a chance. I’ve seen people report someone because they got mad at them, they could screw you if they wanted too. Up to you, I’ve seen it happen before and figure I would point it out to you. Don’t worry about “supply” get your situation straight
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Re: rage and shame

Postby Akuma » Tue Aug 14, 2018 7:12 am

BTW i have been clean of drink and drugs for over a week.


Since this seems noteworthy for you, this implies you have a substance abuse problem. This needs to be dealt with first. It should come as no surprise that after-effects and side-effects of a lot of substances can for example be problems with impulse-control, emotional instability and such.
So frankly, you dont need some magical "techniques", you need professional assistance and the guts the pull through with this. Then when you have learned not to rely on some toxic garbage to control your emotions then you can be diagnosed and possible treatment options for the underlying issues can be looked at.
dx: dissociative disorder + npd
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Re: rage and shame

Postby SoSurprised » Sat Sep 01, 2018 6:33 am

i feel people in my life are no longer looking up to me anymore, and i feel like $#%^

There is the key. Yes, you have a huge problem. And from all you wrote, you know it. You want to be "the victim" when in fact, you are making all the people in your life your victim. I do not feel sorry for you. Not a wit. You need to look in the mirror and recognize how you have hurt so many. Get counseling, stop hurting those in your life and grow up. No one can fix you but you.
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Re: rage and shame

Postby girl234 » Sun Sep 02, 2018 2:23 pm

You need to be careful and remember that she is not trying to hurt you. If she actually, legitimately, wants to hurt you and does not show caring for you at all when you are sad, then she is not a good girlfriend and so breaking up is good. But if she cares for you and tries to take care of you when needed then the important way to stop wanting to hurt her physically is to stop and ask the question. If she says something woods bad, then just ask her, "Are you insulting me?". And even if she says yes, listen to the reason first. For example it could be something like, "Well yes a little bit but thats because you hurt me a lot!" It's necessecary to listen to what you did that hurt her because her feelings are important too. If she is a good person then she will listen to how she hurt you to if you need her to. However she might not do it if you are yelling when you start so always just try not to be yelling when you're hurt or apologize right away if you do. Sometimes you can start off by warning her that you might yell and then she will know not to take it personally. But the most important thing for a covert narcissist regarding violence with a caring relationship is that they usully misinterpret what their girlfriend said so just wait a moment and ask first whether she really meant that bad thing. And also that she might have said exactly what you thought BUT didnt mean it in a bad way. If she really is sayng bad insults all the time AND she MEANT it that bad way then it's good to break up. However.....Always ask first.
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