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Accepting responsibility as an NPD

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Accepting responsibility as an NPD

Postby YourzTruly » Mon Jul 09, 2018 11:45 pm

I've recently become aware of the fact that I am NPD, I haven't been officially diagnosed yet but I meet quite literally every criteria.
I have an OK life right now, but it definitely isn't what I wanted it to be (or what I think it 'should' be) and I've been spiraling down into a depressive episode because of that. Kind of the stereotypical NPD whose delusion was shattered. Now, that being said, I ######6 love myself and I feel like I deserve to be living a better life than this. I see people that I view as below me, living better than me, and it's ######6 with my head like crazy.

I intellectually know that in order to improve my life I need to increase the amount of responsibility that I take on, and I need to become completely accountable for my situation. I understand that, but I have an incredibly difficult time actually integrating that into my life. I plan on starting therapy soon, and hopefully I can get some CBT or DBT work going on to help me change. But is there anything I can do on my own? I've tried "changing" for years, with absolutely no success.

I always have some way of rationalizing why I ###$ up, and being aware of that doesn't seem to change the fact that I do it. Is it possible to become more accountable as an NPD, now that I am aware of it being an issue? Any advice appreciated.
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Re: Accepting responsibility as an NPD

Postby pamelaperejil » Mon Jul 16, 2018 8:33 pm

YourzTruly wrote:I always have some way of rationalizing why I ###$ up, and being aware of that doesn't seem to change the fact that I do it. Is it possible to become more accountable as an NPD, now that I am aware of it being an issue? Any advice appreciated.


I'd like to say yes, but...

As a borderline, being aware of why I'm ###ing up doesn't seem to change the fact that I do it on occasion. I try to be accountable and make amends after the fact but... during the emotional storm itself... at that point it's very, very hard to avert disaster. So I'm torn. I don't want to tell you you get a free pass to act all #######5 just because you have a PD, but I also think you need to have realistic expectations of yourself. ####-ups happen. They're probably going to happen from time to time no matter what you do. Again, that's not an excuse or a pass. I guess a lot depends on the situation: how much damage you're doing to others versus just to yourself. I guess my advice would be to find some kind of middle ground between kindness/forgiveness towards yourself and self condemnation/accountability. And if you can't absolutely avoid ######6 up, make sure to own up to it, apologize, and possibly make amends after the fact. And then, of course, to extend to others the same grace for their flaws or foibles.
previously: pleasnpetrichor, perejil

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Re: Accepting responsibility as an NPD

Postby madness00 » Mon Jul 23, 2018 1:38 pm

Of course it's possible.

There are things i never would have taken responsibility for that i do now, before i was self aware. For example, why all my friends leave me. This was largely blamed on others, but now i am starting to see how my idea of "friendship" is a one-way street, and people don't like that.

Another thing i know take responsibility for is my acting out. I used to blame my victims, but i now realize that if that is how i see it, i will surely end up in jail.
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Re: Accepting responsibility as an NPD

Postby Arthur » Fri Jul 27, 2018 4:02 pm

You can definitely change.

I think there's something that happens where you start to eventually realize that relationships and the people you have in your life have some value, and that success isn't the only thing that matters.
Or where you start to realize that happiness often comes from things other than being successful or accomplishing things.

I find a lot of people (narcissists and nons) tend to appreciate the value of their relationships more as they get older and become better people.
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Re: Accepting responsibility as an NPD

Postby Cassandre » Fri Jul 27, 2018 6:39 pm

Arthur wrote:Or where you start to realize that happiness often comes from things other than being successful or accomplishing things.


I find that accomplishments still contribute quite a bit to happiness. I have come to realize that many people hanging out on psychology forums have motivation issues and it impacts their lives negatively.

But I agree that accomplishments alone cannot make you happy.
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Re: Accepting responsibility as an NPD

Postby Arthur » Mon Jul 30, 2018 12:36 pm

Yes accomplishments are important. I just feel that most people who are narcissists (myself included) don't seem to value the people in their lives at all and only care about their accomplishments.
I find people like that tend to be unhappy.

I guess a true narcissist will say "who needs friends when I have fans"
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Re: Accepting responsibility as an NPD

Postby Cassandre » Mon Jul 30, 2018 3:46 pm

Yeah I agree.
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Re: Accepting responsibility as an NPD

Postby WhoElse » Tue Jul 31, 2018 7:47 pm

YourzTruly wrote:I ######6 love myself ...


No, you don't. You're full of yourself. That's not the same.

YourzTruly wrote:... and I feel like I deserve to be living a better life than this.


QED. ;-)

YourzTruly wrote:I intellectually know that in order to improve my life I need to increase the amount of responsibility that I take on, and I need to become completely accountable for my situation.


It's a purely emotional problem and a bit of a rabbit hole. You don't have to improve yourself, you have to accept your flaws.
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Re: Accepting responsibility as an NPD

Postby cubem0n » Sun Sep 16, 2018 1:54 am

Hello, I'm new here and didn't find any thread to properly introduce myself.

WhoElse wrote:
YourzTruly wrote:I intellectually know that in order to improve my life I need to increase the amount of responsibility that I take on, and I need to become completely accountable for my situation.


It's a purely emotional problem and a bit of a rabbit hole. You don't have to improve yourself, you have to accept your flaws.


Just a tiny remark; isn't accepting one's flaws actually quite a huge improvement for a pwNPD? :)
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Re: Accepting responsibility as an NPD

Postby Nul » Mon Sep 17, 2018 8:58 pm

YourzTruly wrote:I intellectually know that in order to improve my life I need to increase the amount of responsibility that I take on, and I need to become completely accountable for my situation.

What do you mean by that?

That you need to take responsibility for your actions?
or
That you feel the duty to take on (unnecessary) responsibilities? (E.g. getting actively involved in risky jobs where the life of people depend on you, or feeling the duty to create a family and take on responsibilities for your children)

The 1st is a healthy way to deal with life, by being responsible and always answering for whatever you do and not running away, and is auspicable in any human being.

The 2nd is usually labelled "sense of duty", meaning that you actively seek positions that put you at "risk" and where you need to be careful and responsible for potential ###$.

For example, I am responsible in the sense that I respond to all my actions, but that doesn't mean that I go out of my way to take on unnecessary responsibilities that aren't bound to me. E.g. having a children is unnecessary and generates responsibilities that I can't be arsed to deal with, so I simply avoid that.

Which one is it for you?
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