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Accepting responsibility as an NPD

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Accepting responsibility as an NPD

Postby YourzTruly » Mon Jul 09, 2018 11:45 pm

I've recently become aware of the fact that I am NPD, I haven't been officially diagnosed yet but I meet quite literally every criteria.
I have an OK life right now, but it definitely isn't what I wanted it to be (or what I think it 'should' be) and I've been spiraling down into a depressive episode because of that. Kind of the stereotypical NPD whose delusion was shattered. Now, that being said, I ######6 love myself and I feel like I deserve to be living a better life than this. I see people that I view as below me, living better than me, and it's ######6 with my head like crazy.

I intellectually know that in order to improve my life I need to increase the amount of responsibility that I take on, and I need to become completely accountable for my situation. I understand that, but I have an incredibly difficult time actually integrating that into my life. I plan on starting therapy soon, and hopefully I can get some CBT or DBT work going on to help me change. But is there anything I can do on my own? I've tried "changing" for years, with absolutely no success.

I always have some way of rationalizing why I ###$ up, and being aware of that doesn't seem to change the fact that I do it. Is it possible to become more accountable as an NPD, now that I am aware of it being an issue? Any advice appreciated.
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Re: Accepting responsibility as an NPD

Postby pamelaperejil » Mon Jul 16, 2018 8:33 pm

YourzTruly wrote:I always have some way of rationalizing why I ###$ up, and being aware of that doesn't seem to change the fact that I do it. Is it possible to become more accountable as an NPD, now that I am aware of it being an issue? Any advice appreciated.


I'd like to say yes, but...

As a borderline, being aware of why I'm ###ing up doesn't seem to change the fact that I do it on occasion. I try to be accountable and make amends after the fact but... during the emotional storm itself... at that point it's very, very hard to avert disaster. So I'm torn. I don't want to tell you you get a free pass to act all #######5 just because you have a PD, but I also think you need to have realistic expectations of yourself. ####-ups happen. They're probably going to happen from time to time no matter what you do. Again, that's not an excuse or a pass. I guess a lot depends on the situation: how much damage you're doing to others versus just to yourself. I guess my advice would be to find some kind of middle ground between kindness/forgiveness towards yourself and self condemnation/accountability. And if you can't absolutely avoid ######6 up, make sure to own up to it, apologize, and possibly make amends after the fact. And then, of course, to extend to others the same grace for their flaws or foibles.
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