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my story so far oxo

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my story so far oxo

Postby rails » Wed Jun 27, 2018 7:32 am

i think i may be npd or even aspd

i never had any idea about personality disorders or traits until exactly 1 year and 7 months ago, which is when i met my current partner.

i believe her to be bpd, and in an effort to understand her behavior better i began reading online, and all this time later my research is only just scratching the surface. trust me aswell i read this forum most days as well as other stuff. the area of personality disorders and traits i find completely fascinating. especially what causes them.

it never occurred to me that peoples reality could be any different than mine, i find it amazing.

there are several posts on here which i can relate to, and in the aspd forum.

i lack empathy, i lie, cheat, steal all without remorse or regret, as long as i get away with it. ive come to realise im not really a nice person, and tbh i dont mind either.

i work for a national company and have done for the past few years, i have had more sick days than anyone else that has ever worked there ever. ive managed to keep my job by getting my managers to like me, whilst playing other employees off against one another and ultimately getting them fired.

im manipulative and play people off against one another without even intentionally meaning too, it just happens.

i lie embellish and exaggerate all the time without meaning to do it, i just happens.

my life has followed a pattern of chaos since my early teens, but ive always managed to come out smelling of roses to some extent.

i dislike most people, i think of them as weak, spineless and pathetic.

my behavior is impulsive and erratic, ive used every drug in every way, uncountable promiscuous acts and dangerous behaviors in cars and on motorbikes. and plenty of violence especially when alcohol is involved.

i feel flat and emotionless most of the time, unless im irritated by a noise or person.

here is where i am conflicted, i honestly feel as tho i love my current partner despite of her bpd-ness. when im not with her i miss her and yearn for her. so could i be npd??

there is no other woman that has been able to keep me interested for this long. my usual cycle is charming them, getting them to like me, flirting etc. but then over a short period of time they begin to repulse me and i feel physically sick to see them and i cut them off.

i will admit there has been times where ive devalued my current partner but it eventually passes and i go back for more. she can be very volatile, i like it, i also like how much she likes me

i went to one therapy session once for anxiety, alcohol consumption and my impulsive behavior. the therapist suggested i might have adhd but i never bothered going again. id like to curb my impulsive behavior and anger if possible, it gets me into trouble that i could do

what are you guys thoughts?? what am i? where should i go from here?
rails
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Re: my story so far oxo

Postby BadShrimp » Thu Jun 28, 2018 4:52 pm

First, I would stop with the labels. Too many people tend to drown in self-labeling.

Second, you don't have to like people. As long as you are working and paying your taxes, then you are a responsible human being.

Third, if you feel your anger and alcohol consumption is causing problems, try to find other ways to release the anger. Join a gym. Take kick-boxing classes. Go hiking.
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