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Can narcissists feel deep friendship/emotional bond?

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Can narcissists feel deep friendship/emotional bond?

Postby blank187000 » Tue Jun 26, 2018 10:57 am

For their real life friends because they have a lot in common? Or maybe for their internet friends because its much less responsibility and chance of trouble (?) Sorry I'm bad at explaining.
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Re: Can narcissists feel deep friendship/emotional bond?

Postby Halibut » Sat Jun 30, 2018 3:33 am

A narcissist can never know answers to those sorts of questions off-hand. For example, I’ve only ever been myself, so how can I know what that feels like? But what I’ve learned is that I always think I can, but all my relationships come and go. What that means I have no idea.
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Re: Can narcissists feel deep friendship/emotional bond?

Postby BadShrimp » Sat Jun 30, 2018 5:32 am

Yes we can. We only feel an emotional bond with other Narcissists. We see other Narcissists as equals. Everyone else is seen as unworthy and a waste of space.
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Re: Can narcissists feel deep friendship/emotional bond?

Postby Absinthe » Sat Jun 30, 2018 5:08 pm

blank187000 wrote:For their real life friends because they have a lot in common? Or maybe for their internet friends because its much less responsibility and chance of trouble (?) Sorry I'm bad at explaining.

What are you thinking of when you say 'internet friend'. Do you mean someone you interact with online but you've never met irl? I have felt a connection to certain people online, but that relationship doesn't make it all the way to friendship for me. To be a friend, I need to know that the person I'm interacting with is the person I believe them to be - and there just isn't anyway of knowing that online.

In real life I have many longstanding friendships. Do I feel a deep connection? That's a tough one. I get the sense that other people feel a deeper connection than I do. But, yeah, I do feel a bond.
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Re: Can narcissists feel deep friendship/emotional bond?

Postby chaman » Wed Jul 04, 2018 9:21 am

blank187000 wrote:For their real life friends because they have a lot in common? Or maybe for their internet friends because its much less responsibility and chance of trouble (?) Sorry I'm bad at explaining.


Hello Blank187000,

The term "friend" stands for having faith on someone, fully trusting that person and thats what real friendship stands for. Trust is what divides real friends from fake ones. Very few Narcissists can actually create this type of bond, and if they do, its mostly with family members or childhood friends, the ones who met them when they were "vulnerable".

Have a nice day.
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Can narcissists feel deep friendship/emotional bond?

Postby pajaro » Fri Jul 06, 2018 12:44 pm

Somewhat if they see you as an equal. But the problem is that the more they see you as an equal, the more threatened they will be by whatever they most like about you. So it will be a push-pull friendship. Although they might feel it is a real friendship, the non-N friend will suffer a lot. It's possible sometimes to reach inside some N's and reach something with a bit of kindness. But too often the envy rears it's ugly head and they absolutely HAVE to put you down in order to feel better about themselves. Some N-parents are so jealous of their kids that they can rarely ever control their toxicity. So the bond is really mostly "need."

Can a non-N love and create a bond with a N? Yes, sometimes, and it can sometimes become meaningful. But it takes a strong central core and firm boundaries, along with a LOT of patience, and the ability to see the small, hurting child inside the N - something the N never thanks us for seeing, sadly. But if we can see it, and reach in to touch that child in a very positive way, it does sometimes work.

-- Fri Jul 06, 2018 5:45 am --

Somewhat if they see you as an equal. But the problem is that the more they see you as an equal, the more threatened they will be by whatever they most like about you. So it will be a push-pull friendship. Although they might feel it is a real friendship, the non-N friend will suffer a lot. It's possible sometimes to reach inside some N's and reach something with a bit of kindness. But too often the envy rears it's ugly head and they absolutely HAVE to put you down in order to feel better about themselves. Some N-parents are so jealous of their kids that they can rarely ever control their toxicity. So the bond is really mostly "need."

Can a non-N love and create a bond with a N? Yes, sometimes, and it can sometimes become meaningful. But it takes a strong central core and firm boundaries, along with a LOT of patience, and the ability to see the small, hurting child inside the N - something the N never thanks us for seeing, sadly. But if we can see it, and reach in to touch that child in a very positive way, it does sometimes work.
We can have a million and one acquaintances, but if none of our connections feel intimate and meaningful, we will ultimately feel alone.
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Re: Can narcissists feel deep friendship/emotional bond?

Postby Chemuel » Fri Aug 17, 2018 8:31 am

In my experience, it is possible, as long as the narc's mask contains the necessary infrastructure to support it. I do have several long-standing (15 years+) friendships with people I can completely trust - both their loyalty and their competence to not screw up based on good intentions.
There are however a few ground rules that absolutely have to be followed.

- give them space. Hanging around a narc is exhausting, and even when I don't intend to do it, communication is a constant mental onslaught trying to "claim" a person. When a conversation or situation becomes uncomfortable, I have to let them quit it without taking it personally. I also have to accept that when they do not feel up to it, there won't be any interaction, sometimes for weeks. Managed to pull this off by telling my angry inner child that I am just "too much" to be around constantly.

- don't be needy. As soon as I notice - or they notice and tell me, that I am drawing "supply" from them, the above goes and I have to accept that they will "block" me till things settle down, because I definitely will be hurt and act out. The only way to avoid subconscious guilt and manipulation is not to talk, and getting over it.

- be honest. As far as I am aware of myself, I share my situation with my friends. I tell them I can not "feel" attachment, that I am judgemental and they can only be my friends because they "pass". In turn most of them actually value my highly destructive feedback and analysis, as they have learned to work with it and take it as a method to evaluate their own issues. Also means they have to know my paradigm, so they know what's really a flaw and what's just me projecting my insecurities.

- be loyal. It's hard, but I have to get my ass off the big chair and help them out when they need me, I have to swallow my own agenda and issues and listen to their problems, I have to respect their situation and views even if I don't agree and assume to know better - even after I no longer feel I "need" them or have to impress them. It does work as I consider loyalty and reliability one of the "show-off" traits of my self-image.

- pick the right people. I am naturally drawn to people who in turn are drawn to me - people with self-worth issues, an affinity for codependence, often borderline-afflicted. The only people I can ever safely interact with are those who are either narcs themselves, who have a really strong understanding of their own worth and know when and where to draw the line, and those who have consciously acquired the knowledge and tools on how to handle a narc. Easy test - if someone does not get bored or aggravated by listening to my self-aggrandizing anecdotes for more than two minutes they are almost certainly a future victim. Or in short, if You can use them to feed the hole inside, they are not for You.

- be careful with opening up. I can do it, but only with fair advance warning and an honest, rational talk about what to expect. I don't ever know when I am actually being vulnerable, or just playing it to get something I want. In turn, it's really hard for someone outside my head to figure out when to embrace the abused child, and when to crush the abused-child-formed lure I am throwing out. This is not something that should just happen, it's a dangerous and intimate situation that needs to be consciously handled.


It works, for me, and the people I do call friends. This is the only course that worked for me that created any meaningful bonds, as, over time, it opens a narrow, difficult path to my actual emotions for those who want them. It is however always a struggle. A narc is a small child riding a mechanical monster. And the monster never sleeps. Can't be friends with either without knowing how to deal with the other.
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Re: Can narcissists feel deep friendship/emotional bond?

Postby NevaCroix » Sun Sep 16, 2018 12:58 pm

Someone who is worth it - according to my precious time.
In fact I am an egoist and love to do what I need and love to feel comfortable, I am more the less in a spirale of destructive behaviour, unfortunately I don't see anything ,,unique" in the personality of someone.
Most people are annoying, boring and hypocrites. Not even competent enough to get their live together - and love to complain.
A bunch of low-leveld douchebags with no drive and energy.
I had some friends who had a lot of problems with family, their past etc.
Oh my god, so annoying.
The fragile self-esteem of 2-3 of them (maybe all) was hard to motivate.

I have now three friends, who are really trustworthy and supportive. My best one is more individual and I think I like her - and not just trying (because of my deficit in emotional connection).
I wish I would be able to like someone, to feel emotional connection and to miss the person.
I am to fed up according to playing.

I am just more fixed to my little brother, who is bpd.
I do care for him and like to spend time with him because of sharing similar interests (art, music, movies, going to concerts)
Maybe because I feel responsible for him and he likes my big ego. :D :D :D
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Re: Can narcissists feel deep friendship/emotional bond?

Postby Spiked » Mon Sep 17, 2018 8:35 pm

I think they can feel loyalty/respect - I'm not sure if that counts as an emotional connection?
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