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Is it worth fixing NPD? And how?

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Is it worth fixing NPD? And how?

Postby throwawayayerye » Mon Apr 09, 2018 10:30 pm

Can anyone with NPD or who has worked with NPD tell me about their experience in therapy?

1. What was your NPD like?
2. What did you do to combat it?
3. What was your life like afterwards?
4. What did you learn from it?

I'm pretty sure I have NPD. To preface, I don't like the label at all, I hate hypocrites and find narcissists and avoiding reality a weakness. However, recently I have noticed that there are times where I lie to myself, and since NPD also seems to be looked unfavorably upon, I believe it would be advantageous to fix it.

The problem is I don't really know if it's worth the trouble bc I don't understand how to not have NPD anymore. All these self-help articles yammer about self-acceptance, but I don't think anyone knows who I am anymore, least of all me. I think when I was very young I was like most people but at some point I just lost the ability to understand myself or care about others. I mean, I do care about people, but I'm not really sure, you know, since I don't really value them any.

Also, my only major peeves right now are that I find it difficult to love anyone and that I'm annoyed that my life feels like a sham (sometimes!) but I know it's not supposed to be because it was a real desire once. So I don't really know if it's worth trying to find something more (?) I guess, if it exists. Are people with NPD even capable of more? On Wikipedia it says it's hard to treat. Like, even now I'm not entirely sure if what I'm saying are my true thoughts, or if I'm lying, and I get this feeling all the time when I'm talking with my therapist (about something else.)

Plus, I have almost everything I've ever wanted, save a romantic partner but I have lots of money for therapy, and that's all I needed a romantic partner for. I don't know if just letting it slide will hurt me. What are your thoughts?
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Re: Is it worth fixing NPD? And how?

Postby Kimera » Tue Apr 10, 2018 12:39 am

You may want to re-frame the question, OP. It’s not about fixing NPD. It’s about working on your issues and whatever is getting in the way of living your best life. Is that worth it to you?
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Re: Is it worth fixing NPD? And how?

Postby throwawayayerye » Tue Apr 10, 2018 6:26 pm

Kimera wrote:It’s about working on your issues and whatever is getting in the way of living your best life.


By fixing it, I mean the same as you, I think: becoming aware of what's going on. I'm trying to use what I've learned to better control my life. So if I'm egocentric, then I'll use that as a reward system, that of type of thing. That to be is worthwhile.

The reason why I'm asking for others' experience is because I want to know if this line of questioning is one of those that ends in a lot of sadness, loneliness, and regret, or if it is the type of worthwhile I mentioned above. That's my best life. I don't particularly care if I don't understand myself fully if it means I'm happier, and I'm happier if I don't spend an hour to get to the therapist, sit in a chair for an hour while the therapist tries to work with ideas she doesn't really understand, and then spend another hour going home, troubled and without progress.
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Re: Is it worth fixing NPD? And how?

Postby Kimera » Tue Apr 10, 2018 8:38 pm

You're wondering if it's worth it to fix a personality disorder you haven't been diagnosed with. The conversation is somewhat of a non-starter in that case; you should first ascertain if you have NPD before you decide if and how to tackle it.

Personality disorders are pervasive and find a way to impact pretty much every aspect of your life -- (although if you're oblivious to it, like I was for most of my life, that fact might escape you). The impact on one's life isn't subtle, either, so those blinders are stunningly effective.

I personally don''t believe there's anyway to fix NPD, although others feel differently. I do believe it's possible to make progress, but you have to focus on what you want to make progress on. Every person's journey is different, and we progress (or not) at different rates.

Akuma is much better equipped to talk about the appropriate mode of treatment for NPD. But first you need to see if that's your issue, or if it's something else entirely.
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Re: Is it worth fixing NPD? And how?

Postby throwawayayerye » Tue Apr 10, 2018 10:27 pm

Well, you don't have to believe me, humor me and let's just say I have NPD. I'm just curious about the treatment process.

Also this subforum is pretty quiet. Is it always like this, or am I looking in the wrong place?
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Re: Is it worth fixing NPD? And how?

Postby Kimera » Tue Apr 10, 2018 10:56 pm

throwawayayerye wrote: Is it always like this, or am I looking in the wrong place?

You're in the wrong place.
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Re: Is it worth fixing NPD? And how?

Postby heracles » Wed Apr 11, 2018 12:08 am

I believe there may be something, more or less, that "professionals" call "NPD", but I don't think they know what it is or can define it any better than I can. The best conclusion I've come to so far is that it's a vague and muddled theory (or set of conflicting theories from different theorists) that I personally see some possible explanatory value in. I don't believe either psychology or psychiatry are "sciences" and I'm very skeptical of claims by certain know-it-alls that they know my mind and emotions better than I do.

Is kimera right? Are you on the wrong forum? I suppose in a way he (or she) is. This forum, with all it's snootiness, snark, dogmatism, scientism and other pretentious aspergers-like baloney isn't right for anyone, if they're seeking self-understanding.

Which might explain why it's so dead.
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Re: Is it worth fixing NPD? And how?

Postby throwawayayerye » Wed Apr 11, 2018 12:39 am

heracles wrote:Is kimera right? Are you on the wrong forum? I suppose in a way he (or she) is. This forum, with all it's snootiness, snark, dogmatism, scientism and other pretentious aspergers-like baloney isn't right for anyone, if they're seeking self-understanding.

Which might explain why it's so dead.


Damn, that was quite savage, dude. If I didn't know better, I'd think there was a lot of infighting in this forum.

And to the point of your evaluation of NPD, yeah, I heard it was removed from the DCM or whatever for whoever knows what reason a couple years ago and reinstated only recently. I dunno about whether it's just pretty words that strike a chord, though, the neuroscience is legit so something is there, just not something with a well-defined prognosis (yet.) But I agree with your distrust in psychiatry: a friend of a friend who somehow was an associate prof of a good med school even though she is also absolutely bonkers with raging ex syndrome got "fired" (her grant money "dried up") and is now a psychiatrist. Like goddam, if she can get cleared, I don't wanna know what other kinds of nutcases do.

Oh, well, I guess I'll just go to therapy, since it seems like no one here has gone yet. You were right, Kimera, I was in the wrong place.
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Re: Is it worth fixing NPD? And how?

Postby Kimera » Wed Apr 11, 2018 2:23 am

throwawayayerye wrote:You were right, Kimera, I was in the wrong place.

Apologies, that was out of line for me to say. I was annoyed by your earlier comment:

throwawayayerye wrote:Well, you don't have to believe me, humor me and let's just say I have NPD.

I never said I didn't believe you. I was only playing back what you yourself had posted, which is you think you have it (i.e. not diagnosed). My response may not have been what you were looking to hear but I was trying to be helpful.

throwawayayerye wrote:If I didn't know better, I'd think there was a lot of infighting in this forum.

Not really. Heracles is a bit of a curmudgeon but most of us get along well. It is really quiet here, though. I've been away for awhile and the place seems to have emptied out quite a bit.
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Re: Is it worth fixing NPD? And how?

Postby heracles » Wed Apr 11, 2018 3:45 am

I think it's necessary to be direct sometimes, to tell it like it is. I find being labelled a "curmudgeon" dismissive. I don't identify with the stereotype.

Therapy may work for you, as it might for people with a conventional worldview. It works much the same as shamanism does in primitive cultures. I don't belittle it. What bothers me is the dismissive attitude on this forum toward people who prefer self-help or want to discuss their problems outside the conventional psychiatry/clinical psychology box. Maybe some members who are pro-therapy can give you advice on how to go about it. I hope it helps you. Why shouldn't I? Maybe there'd be some ideas for you on the Therapy sub-forum.

Over the 5 or so years I've been on this forum, about 1% or fewer I've talked to I could relate to. They didn't stay long. I suspect I'm mainly schizoid-narcissistic, but I feel my dynamic is much more nuanced and complex that textbook descriptions. I think it was probably the same situation with them, and they just didn't think trying to talk about their issues here worth the time, effort and frustration.

But anyway, good luck with the forum, therapy or whatever you think is proper or what works for you.
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