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Am I a covert narcissist?

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Am I a covert narcissist?

Postby angel1998 » Wed Mar 07, 2018 1:37 pm

Hi, this is my first post and I'll just get straight to the point.

I'm a 19 year old girl in college. I've always been into psychology, especially the 'dark triad' or whatever, but I just recently came upon a term 'covert narcissist' and as I read about it I noticed it sounds a lot like me.

I'm always preoccupied with myself and never think about others. I can't seem to be able to genuinely connect to other people and I always think of myself as special and unique (and there's been a lot of evidence of that in my childhood).
I believe my mind and judgement are superior. Sometimes I think of myself as basically god :p
And then there's this other side of me..

Sometimes, mostly when I'm around people, I tend to think I'm boring and worthless.
I'm an introvert. While I can be funny and even charming around people it takes a lot of energy away from me.
On days when I feel down I avoid socializing altogether like a loner I am.. I sometimes get jealous of my classmates having fun hanging out and making friends when I just don't have enough energy to act excited and invested in them.

Basically every time I'm around people I'm essentially acting. And I'm only doing it so I don't get excluded from parties and stuff. Unlike most introverts I actually love parties because only when I drink I can 'be who I am' almost. I don't feel shame and talking to people doesn't take away my energy so they end up loving me. And god do I love being loved and getting attention. I'm normally not an open person and I probably seem cold to people so they don't like me much.

I'm also having problems with my body image, which is probably uncharacteristic of narcissists.
I'm a terribly vain person and beauty and esthetics mean a lot to me.
The way I see myself fluctuates within seconds from feeling awkward and plain to feeling like I'm better looking than others. Although mostly I just don't like my face at all..

I also seem to have really shallow emotions. Nothing interests me and I'm bored all the time. I can't stand being in college all day so I skip a lot and even act sick. All the studying I do is in the morning before an exam. I don't care about anything and I don't take anything seriously. It's almost like whenever there's a chance to do something stupid I take it (I go to parties a night before exam, I used to shoplift, going home with someone I don't know etc.).

I think it's like a weird mixture between psychopathy and depression :/
It's almost like there are two sides of me. One feels ugly, boring and worthless. The other is emotionless, self absorbed and manipulating.

Does any of this sound like covert narcissism to you? Of course I'm not asking you to psychoanalyze me. I'm just wondering if anyone who's a covert can relate.

Thanks :P
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Re: Am I a covert narcissist?

Postby psyguy » Thu Mar 08, 2018 2:19 pm

Personally, this resonates with me a lot. Please remember the DSM's diagnostic categories are not clear cut, and there could be a collection of things going on, though.

Do you think most of your mood swings are related to external events?
Specifically perceived slights, criticisms, or threats to your self esteem?
NPD + GAD + Antisocial, Borderline, and OC(P) Traits
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Re: Am I a covert narcissist?

Postby Ubinix800 » Thu Mar 08, 2018 3:30 pm

angel1998 wrote:
I'm always preoccupied with myself and never think about others. I can't seem to be able to genuinely connect to other people.


The self-absorption thing isn't a big deal really, most people are to certain degrees, and the average CN score for college students is around 60 if I remember right. The inability to connect is one of my main symptoms that bother me about having this.

angel1998 wrote:Basically every time I'm around people I'm essentially acting. And I'm only doing it so I don't get excluded from parties and stuff.


I think the "feel very alone and uneasy" criterion on the CN scale probably has something to do with this. Just like you said before, you can't truly connect with people. If you're anything like me you probably feel like an outsider in a friends group, distant to your family, and n a close relationship (although I avoid them like the plague personally), a bit emotionally alienated from the other person. Maybe u have a bit of social phobia, that could be it. I think it stems from excessive self-importance IMO, you perceive yourself as the center of the social situation with all eyes on you, so you feel the need to act to be accepted, if you get me. However over the years I've come to understand this is rarely the case, and it looks more natural if you just sort of mirror the people around you... just be yourself and see what happens.

angel1998 wrote:I'm also having problems with my body image, which is probably uncharacteristic of narcissists.
I'm a terribly vain person and beauty and aesthetics mean a lot to me.


Eh, many people are, it's pretty normal in this day and age. Personally I scored around 90-ish on the CN scale so I know where you're coming from.
delusional BDD and vulnerable narcissism.
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Re: Am I a covert narcissist?

Postby Knoxious » Fri Mar 09, 2018 8:00 pm

angel1998 wrote:I've always been into psychology, especially the 'dark triad' or whatever
...
Thanks :P


You should pay a visit to the Antisocial Personality Disorder subforum.

Some interesting creatures over there.
- Knox
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Re: Am I a covert narcissist?

Postby covertunsure » Fri Mar 30, 2018 10:23 pm

The latter half or so of your post resonates with me almost completely.

I'm also having problems with my body image, which is probably uncharacteristic of narcissists.
I'm a terribly vain person and beauty and esthetics mean a lot to me.
The way I see myself fluctuates within seconds from feeling awkward and plain to feeling like I'm better looking than others. Although mostly I just don't like my face at all..


OMG, so me. I'm a guy btw, but I'm thinking about my looks like 8 hours a day total, no exaggeration—constantly looking in the mirror, often doubting, sometimes admiring, sometimes thinking I'm incredibly good looking, other times seeing nothing, just a blank expression staring me back. I've made many posts on here about my obsession with my looks, so feel free to search through my post history and see if you see anything that resonates with you. Would be interested to hear it.

It's interesting that you mostly don't like your face at all. I'm not sure if that's narcissistic, but possibly.

When I see a picture of my face that isn't obscured by darkness or other favorable factors (I have acne and scarring that make me look worse in the light), sometimes I love how I look. Other times, I literally think I look grotesque and disgusting.

I also seem to have really shallow emotions. Nothing interests me and I'm bored all the time. I can't stand being in college all day so I skip a lot and even act sick. All the studying I do is in the morning before an exam. I don't care about anything and I don't take anything seriously. It's almost like whenever there's a chance to do something stupid I take it (I go to parties a night before exam, I used to shoplift, going home with someone I don't know etc.).

I think it's like a weird mixture between psychopathy and depression :/
It's almost like there are two sides of me. One feels ugly, boring and worthless. The other is emotionless, self absorbed and manipulating.


So me, as well. I feel empty, purposeless, and like I'm just a lost wanderer meandering aimlessly through life the vast majority of the time. I too feel like it's a combination of psychopathic aspects and just plain emptiness and inability to modulate our self-esteem and emotions.

Does any of this sound like covert narcissism to you? Of course I'm not asking you to psychoanalyze me. I'm just wondering if anyone who's a covert can relate.
Thanks :P


Since I can relate to a lot of it, especially this last half of your post, and I've been told by professionals I have "traits" (at least) of NPD, then yes, you could say it sounds like narcissism, whether covert or not.

But, I'm not a professional, and some in this forum have told me they don't think I'm NPD. I don't know if I am fully NPD since I do have empathy and have been told I'm basically a good person by people that know me well, but I know I have STRONG and overpowering traits of it, which make life often unbearable, no exaggeration.
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Re: Am I a covert narcissist?

Postby YourBestFriend » Fri Apr 06, 2018 12:49 am

Trust me there is nothing psychopathic in being a covert narcissist. It just means you lack self confidence and cannot express yourself because of fear of being humiliated.

Covert narcissism has long been forgotten as a term, its closer to avoidant PD and your thoughts are just that - they will never come to life and you know that.

Please seek help and stay strong.

It is clear you are suffering - seek a good psychotherapist and be honest with him/her.
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