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Husband got extremely irritated on vacation. Narcissism??

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Husband got extremely irritated on vacation. Narcissism??

Postby Mapper » Tue Feb 27, 2018 4:46 pm

I took a two week trip with my husband to New Zealand to stay with my best friend and her husband. I have never had a vacation that long with him and was worried about how he’d do. We arrived in Auckland on Tuesday Feb. 13. Everything was great from the Tuesday we got there through that Saturday, but then things changed. Saturday we had his 50th birthday party, which he loved. He had asked the guy who we were staying with if we could go back to the beach to try surfing again and he said sure and sent out a message to some other guys that Saturday that we'd head to the beach on Sunday. Well, H gets up Sunday morning and is tired and goes back to bed about 10AM and I join him for a bit. My friend knocks on the door at noon and says we're leaving in an hour. This is apparently news to H who rolls his eyes because he just wants to sleep. He's all grumpy and pissy in the car, but when he sees the beach he is okay again. He then gets his second wind when we get home and is all loud and happy and popping open beers and when we get tired and want to go to bed he can't understand why we don't want to stay up. Monday we fly to Queenstown. H is all happy even with having to get up early. The flight is fine, he's happy in the airport, happy in the rental car, happy when we get to our Air BnB, happy when we start walking down to the center of town which is only 2 blocks away. But within 15 minutes he is getting crabby telling me that his neck hurts. He starts getting snippy with me and my friend and says he needs to go to the pharmacy to get some pain killers. Is rude to the person behind the counter. We start walking again and he says the place is way too touristy. We get something to eat and he takes his pain killers and he's fine again for about an hour. We start driving around the outside of town up a mountain to get a view. H is clearly pissed off because of whatever pain he's got. I finally say that we need to get him back because he isn't feeling well. We stop at a grocery store first which I know is going to piss him off but they want to get some food for later. He follows me around the store because I am walking straight to the beer cooler because I know he'll want some. He hasn't said a word to me and I say "What beer do you want?" and he snaps back "All I want to do is go back and lay down. I'm feeling nauseous". I say "Here's that beer you've been drinking" and he goes "I don't even like that beer. It all tastes like $#%^ here". Then after a few minutes he goes back to that same beer and gets all irritated "Well since they don't have a 12 pack I guess I'll have to get two 6 packs". You JUST said you didn't like that beer but now you want a 12 pack of it?? We get him back and he tries to be all lovey with me saying to go out with them and have a good time.

So we go out and are gone for nearly 4 hours. All I can think is he's either going to be sleeping when we get back or he's going to be totally pissed we were gone that long. On top of that he told me to leave the card so he could walk down and get groceries and cook dinner. Well we could have got them at the store when we were there but you were so flipping angry that I didn't even dare ask. I thought for sure he wouldn't get groceries and my friend said to just grab some Indian food to bring back but I said no, that he was going to cook dinner and I figured he'd probably be pissed if we brought back food when he said he was going to cook but yet not knowing if he was even going to go to the store in the first place so I'm all nervous about what we'll find. We walk in and he seems to be all chipper again. My friend asks how he feels and he says "Great". Then I say "Well that's good" which was apparently the absolutely wrong thing to say. He looks at me and goes "Wow, if that isn't sarcastic I don't know what is. Could you be more passive aggressive?". I simply said those three words and he blew up! I am on the verge of tears and he starts saying to my friend "See that look on her face. All I want to see is a smiling face when I feel like crap and I get that". I go into the bathroom and try to keep the tears from falling. I then come out and try to make up for something I didn't even do other than say I'm glad he feels better and try to give him a kiss and he pulls away and says "Your breath stinks, go brush your teeth." I brush my teeth and come out and give him a kiss again and he turns his head. Then he's sweet to the other couple but extremely rude to me for the rest of the night and next morning. We opted to stay in that night because we were tired even though H suggested going out. He doesn't touch me at all in bed and wakes up at 3AM and starts reading and I'm awake too because bar time is apparently 4AM and we can hear music thumping. He says to me "We could have been out having a good time tonight but noooooo. Nobody wanted to go out so instead we sat in and went to bed early. It's a shame we aren't taking advantage of this". Hey we were out for 4 hours while your pissy self was back at the room sleeping because you felt #######5. Plus, you bitched earlier in the day that the place had too many people and was too touristy and now you're saying you're upset because we didn't go out! The next morning we go for breakfast and sit in one of those curved booths but he sits on the opposite side of me rather than next to me. He says to me when I can't finish my breakfast "What, you aren't eating everything. You always finish your food. You like to eat". Shut the ###$ up! Then we take this gondola ride up a mountain and take a luge down. Huge mood shift once we are on that and he's all lovey with me again because we are doing something he wants to do. He's fine the rest of the afternoon. Our friends went on a lake cruise but we stayed in town and went to the bars because he would have been pissed off taking a cruise.

We meet them at the boat dock at 4:30 when they are done and go have a drink. He's in a great mood. We then walk over to another area and he wants to go play pool and have something to eat at the pool hall. My friend goes "It's a little early to play pool, isn't it?" She then wants to go next door and grab some apps. We go over there for no more than 45 minutes and H is bitching to me that it's like Red Robin with kids playing on the floor and loud people. We then go next door to the pool hall and get a table and some drinks. He's still bitching to me at the bar saying "We could have been here for the past hour doing adult stuff and having fun but instead had to sit in that ridiculous restaurant". He's like literally angry for the first 15 minutes we're there because the other couple didn't look like they were having fun! Then he lightened up and was fine. We went back to the room about 10:30 and he was a bit miffed that we were already calling it a night but got over that. Wednesday we flew back to Auckland and he was irritable at the airport but was fine on the car ride back home and got all amped again by the time we got home and was in a good mood. Thursday the $#%^ hit the fan again. He was tired and just wanted to stay home that day. Our friends kept insisting that they wanted to take us into the city but I knew he didn't want to so I said we'd just stay home. He was up in the room reading about 10AM and then came back down and was talking to my friend very loudly while her husband was on the phone. Her husband lost it and said "Hey I'm on the ######6 phone" and walked into the other room. H took that very personally and went back upstairs and slammed the door. I go up and see how he's doing and he goes "Now I know why he wanted to take us into the city, he wants us gone permanently. Well that's fine. I'd leave right now, but my clothes are in the washer". Jesus! You were talking loud, you always talk loud, and he was upset about it, but I'm glad you turned that into he wants us to leave and never come back! He says to me "I'm hungry but I'm not going to go down and make anything now. I'm going to walk over to McDonalds and get that cheeseburger that I've been wanting". So I go with him. He doesn't say a word to anyone when we leave and I'm nearly in tears again wondering how this is going to end. We start walking and he's an ass to me but quickly starts being nice and saying how I think we're overstaying our welcome and how we need to stay out of their hair for a few hours. He seems fine when we get back and talks to both of them, but then starts getting irritated again because of his neck and even when a guest comes over for a bit he only stays down there for 10 minutes before disappearing to the bedroom. They leave and my friend and I walk over to the mall. The whole time I’m thinking that he's going to be pissed we went without him or something. However he gets up just as we are walking through the door back home. Once again he is in a good mood. Everything is roses. The husband says we can head over to a brewery for dinner and H is all "Sounds great. Is it low key?" and the guy says it is and H gets all happy again. He's in a good mood all night and we hit a couple of other bars and he's in a good mood. Friday they still want to take us to the city and H rolls his eyes because he doesn't want to go and I tell him that it's our last day and lets just do this without issue. He is pointing out stuff to us and H is rolling his eyes at me and is getting tired of getting in and out of the car to look at stuff. He is getting hungry so he is getting agitated and mentions how he wants a cheeseburger from McDonald's, but he never got one the day before because he couldn't fine the McDonald's on our walk. The guy says there's one up ahead but parks far from it. We end up going to this pizza place because that's what my friend wanted and H is all pissed because we're having pizza when he wanted McDonald's. That night we go to their friends' place for dinner and he seems pissy for a while but then loosens up.

We get home and go to bed and get up early for the airport the next day. Nope, he's still not done being pissed. He just wanted my friend to drop us off but she came in with us and showed us where to go. He's getting all upset because she's trying to figure out what line for us to go in and he just walks ahead of her and goes the wrong way which pisses him off even more. He's still upset about having to listen to the pop station on the radio the whole time too and is about to tear his hair out from that. She comes upstairs with us and has coffee with us while we wait. H seems to finally calm down. The plane ride was fine until about the last hour and H started complaining of everything hurting again and feeling grubby and being tired. Hey guess what? Everyone else on this plane feels the same way. I don't know why you think you are the only one! He's irritated while waiting for our bags, irritated waiting for our passport check, irritated driving home. Finally we get home and after him sighing and moaning several times, he calms down and is happy again.

And that is why I never want to take a long vacation with him ever again! Especially not with people I know! And we get home and I tell him about how he had so many mood changes and he totally downplays it and says "I had a blast. The only time I got a little irritated was when the guy told me he was on the ######6 phone and then again when my neck hurt in Queenstown". A LITTLE irritated??!!" He doesn't see him getting downright pissed off then and all those other times.
Mapper
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Re: Husband got extremely irritated on vacation. Narcissism??

Postby Akuma » Tue Feb 27, 2018 6:51 pm

Well you clearly lack empathy, you can summarize all the faults of another person while completely ignoring your own, plus you ignore your own affective reality almost completely. Who knows.
dx: dissociative disorder + npd
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Re: Husband got extremely irritated on vacation. Narcissism??

Postby ShowJumpingRabbit » Tue Feb 27, 2018 8:00 pm

Well, he sounds like a very difficult person to be around, at the very least.

Just so that you know, if you're looking for people to evaluate your situation objectively and considerately, you might be knocking at the wrong forum.
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