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"Even when I am in a group of friends, I often feel very...

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"Even when I am in a group of friends, I often feel very...

Postby Ubinix800 » Wed Jan 17, 2018 12:53 am

... alone and uneasy"

So this is one of the criteria on the hypersensitive narcissism scale. I could find hardly any info online about it, and I would be interested to hear what this really means, and why this would be the case. Why would someone feel "very alone and uneasy" when in a group of people who they know well, is it emotional distancing or something else?
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Re: "Even when I am in a group of friends, I often feel very...

Postby psyguy » Wed Jan 17, 2018 5:27 pm

Because we falsely believe everyone is as contemptuous as we are? 8)
I certainly don’t want to make generalizations or assumptions about what’s going on cognitively/emotionally in others, but here’s my take:

1) Narcissists are prone to see everyone or at least the majority of people as an enemy (threat) or someone to be dominated (“subject”). Life is a test that must be aced, a competition that must be won. Defeat is not acceptable. We would rather throw in the towel and surrender on our own terms than be defeated. This attitude limits the ability for any sense of equality or mutuality in relationships. The parties cannot be on equal footing, because humans aren't equal in the mind of a narcissist.
2) Narcissists, particularly of the hypersensitive/compensatory variety, have a constant barrage of critical internal talk, typically targeted at others during periods of grandiosity but also at the self during periods of vulnerability/depletion. For me at least, it’s easy to assume everyone else is continuously mentally evaluating and “striking me down" as I do this continuously to others. This applies for friends, family, acquaintances, lovers, everyone... It’s the whole idealization->devaluation idea, which brings us to...
3) The habit of throwing people away casually, even those who apparently felt strong connections to the narcissist likely leads to a conscious (or unconscious) belief that we could be abandoned or thrown away at anytime. On the other hand, we also live in a constant fear of growing bored and disappointed with those we are currently relatively close to. Taken together, intimacy is inhibited, because of simultaneous fears of disappointment (which was necessitate abandoning others) and abandonment.
4) Just a simple dearth of empathy makes it hard to feel genuinely sad or happy for others, the majority of the time. This again, limits intimacy, and relationships become about mental stimulation, emotional intensity, and seeking admiration/attention, rather than the connection for the sake of unconditional, mutual connection...

Hopefully that at least helps explain the idea...
(From one anxious/obsessive narc's academic and personal point of view.)
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Re: "Even when I am in a group of friends, I often feel very...

Postby ddxy » Wed Jan 17, 2018 5:36 pm

I feel my best in a group of one('me time'), two and three , I mean it gives me a power of control and I am my socially best , humorous . Exceed the number by one from max and I do into a state of being lost , silent mode. I don't like divided attention in these scenarios.
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Re: "Even when I am in a group of friends, I often feel very...

Postby psyguy » Wed Jan 17, 2018 5:45 pm

ddxy wrote:I feel my best in a group of one('me time'), two and three , I mean it gives me a power of control and I am my socially best , humorous . Exceed the number by one from max and I do into a state of being lost , silent mode. I don't like divided attention in these scenarios.

Yeah, I can definitely commiserate with this. After there's greater than around three people I kind of fail to "see the point" of having any such social activity and things just feel miserable, annoying, or pointlessly boring.
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Re: "Even when I am in a group of friends, I often feel very...

Postby MeAgain » Fri Jan 19, 2018 10:10 am

I know the feeling exactly. I stopped trying to analyse the reason for it along time ago. It varys depending on who's company I'm in. I guessing it's a hangover from childhood survival behaviour. Fight or flight and all that stuff.
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Re: "Even when I am in a group of friends, I often feel very...

Postby dibita » Thu Jan 25, 2018 3:10 pm

Better question is, why would someone with NPD feel 'alone' around other people? That makes no sense due to the nature of this disorder. However, I can understand feeling uneasy as some narcissists are also shy. But that symptom alone sounds like shyness rather than NPD.
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Re: "Even when I am in a group of friends, I often feel very...

Postby Akuma » Thu Jan 25, 2018 3:51 pm

dibita wrote:Better question is, why would someone with NPD feel 'alone' around other people? That makes no sense due to the nature of this disorder. However, I can understand feeling uneasy as some narcissists are also shy. But that symptom alone sounds like shyness rather than NPD.


I think it makes good sense. I cant know of course what exactly they were aiming at without contacting them, but I suppose it aims at feeligns of inner emptiness (more pronounced in vulnerable types) and the inability for authentic human connection. So there might also be an aspect of envy - perhaps?
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Re: "Even when I am in a group of friends, I often feel very...

Postby psyguy » Thu Jan 25, 2018 5:15 pm

dibita wrote:Better question is, why would someone with NPD feel 'alone' around other people? That makes no sense due to the nature of this disorder. However, I can understand feeling uneasy as some narcissists are also shy. But that symptom alone sounds like shyness rather than NPD.

I guess for me a decent metaphor is NPCs (non-player characters) in a video game. If you (consciously or not) view the people around you as primarily complex algorithms for confirming or denying your own self-worth, it’s hard to feel connected in any genuine way. For me, this feeling of aloneness typically emerges when I stop dominating/controlling a conversation, though. It’s like I fail to get fulfillment from or see the point in listening to others’ banal conversations about everyday monotony. And yeah, envy certainly seems to play a role for me. I just fail to understand how people could get enjoyment from such pointless/unstimulaing social activity. But at the same time I guess I wish I could also be so content with such a seemingly mundane existence?
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Re: "Even when I am in a group of friends, I often feel very...

Postby realityhere » Sat Jan 27, 2018 5:22 am

So-called "banal conversations about everyday monotony" are fodder for humor and social connection with others. It's not as mundane as you think it is, given the social media attention given to such "mundane" topics, lol. There is a theme that runs under every type of topic out there.

E.g., I look at Cher's and Chelsea Handler's attacks on Sarah Hcb Sanders as rather supercilious, considering the two have undergone botox or plastic surgery treatments themselves, lol. Jeez, tying looks with politics makes me go, oy, but it's just weird how judgmental ppl get.
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Re: "Even when I am in a group of friends, I often feel very...

Postby Ubinix800 » Mon Jan 29, 2018 7:52 pm

MeAgain wrote:I know the feeling exactly. I stopped trying to analyse the reason for it along time ago. It varys depending on who's company I'm in. I guessing it's a hangover from childhood survival behaviour. Fight or flight and all that stuff.


Personally it feels like there's a glass wall between me and others. Then again, this feeling also seems very reminiscent on something called complex-ptsd, which you can read about online, so I wonder if there's a link between that and CNPD. Even when I was very young I still felt distant and alone around others, and I always thought it was totally normal; that others felt the same way too...
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