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Questions about Family situations from Nons

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Re: Questions about Family situations from Nons

Postby Absinthe » Sun Sep 02, 2018 12:45 pm

Jacksback wrote:I am trying to get some feedback on how to handle a situation where my mother forgets my sons birthdays. I am confused about what I should do. Should I remind her of their birthdays or just let it be? She lives a state away, only sees them a few times a year, never calls, I always have to call her to get the boys on phone with her.

Should I let her find out later that she forgot her grandsons birthdays? Is it I my responsibility as a parent to remind her? She even forgets my birthday on occasion.

I'm NPD and I'm bad at remembering birthdays.

If you want her to have a relationship with your kids, you should talk to her about this. Ask her how she would like to handle it. It may be important to her to acknowledge their birthdays, but she's like me and sucks at remembering. You can keep the peace by showing her how to program the birthdays in her phone and set a reminder a few weeks in advance.

It may not be important to her, in which case there's not much you can do. But start with the assumption that it does matter.
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Re: Questions about Family situations from Nons

Postby Tinkerbelle » Thu Sep 20, 2018 12:37 am

Hi there,
This is my first post. My husband and I are in a strange situation. We both have mothers with what we believe have NPD. We met through our parents being friends who actually are no longer friends of course as either of them can continue a normal relationship with anyone due to there severe hatred for people. They met at a swingers club.. which they actually owned when we were younger. My husband and I have both suffered abuse from them as children in different ways. My mother never had formed an attachment with me and gave me up when I was a newborn to about a year and a half. She then fought for me back after she found a boyfriend and thought she had her life back together. After living with them they both were very selfish and physically and emotionally abusive to me as a child. When I met my husband at age 16 I thought I had an escape route not realizing his mother and sister were even more emotionally narcissistic than I could have ever imagined. I moved in with his parents while he went away to college and they often gave me the silence treatment, spoke about me when I wasn't in the room, put tape recorders on the phone so they could listen to our phone conversations, were extremely jealous of anything I accomplished. After my husband moved back from college we moved away and they rarely spoke to us, gave us the silent treatment and I was actually ok with that. When we moved back closer to them hell broke loose. They demanded things be done for them all the time, but never offered a hand to us with anything. On our wedding day his parents told us we were trying to bankrupt them even though we didn't take a penny from them. We went out for dinner and they asked us who was paying on our wedding night. We did pay for everyone. I went to college to become a nurse and both his mom and sister were so incredibly jealous they told me I could never do it. (Which I did for the record) and every single idea I had in life they tried to mimic, but not only mimic do better. I lashed out at his sister when she continuously texted me to get my husband to go renovate her house for her and she snapped at me when I told her I had too much going on. She blatantly put me down for feeling "too stressed out" I was pregnant at the time and we had a leaking roof in our house that nobody offered to help us with while both her parents spent every day at the sisters house gutting. His mother was so angry that I finally stepped up to say something because that is something we had never ever had the courage to do. His mother developed lung cancer and had to go through chemotherapy. I went to the hospital every day with my 6 month old son after her surgery so she wouldn't be alone and I offered all the time I could to her but she refused quite often. When my husband and I went to her house to help her renovate her bedroom for her I had my son sleeping in the living room and I was sweeping the kitchen while his mom and sister and friend were in the bedroom. I literally could hear them talking and laughing about me in the other room. I was so upset but I did nothing. She is fully recovered from cancer now and we moved about 18hours away. My mother followed me. She told me no matter where I go she will go too. She just went broke and moved back recently because she couldn't pay her mortgage with the new husband she has now, so she's temporarily renting out her house. She wanted me to send Her Percocet prescription to her in the mail
After she moved, and I refused because it is illegal and she snapped on me. Told me to keep pretending I'm perfect. I told her then to stay with her boyfriends mom when she decided to come back down and she lost her mind. I told her boyfriends mom the truth about her and she found out and told me she no longer considers me her daughter anymore and that I'm a bad mom not allowing her to see my son. Now my husbands mom just came down with the golden child sister and told me she is planning on moving close again! I think not! My husband flat out told them that is not a good idea, but made up an excuse that we were planning on moving again. He also confronted her when she was seen trying to tell my son to call me by my first name and say that I am weird. They were so mad that they went home a week early. I don't know what to do anymore. Should I completely cut these people out of my life? If so how do I go about doing it? I'm actually worried and want to move again to get away from these crazy people.
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