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How do you expect to be received in public?

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How do you expect to be received in public?

Postby covertunsure » Thu Dec 07, 2017 5:04 am

I live in a large city and everyone’s minding their own business, which I can appreciate, sort of, in a cold, intellectual manner. But yet I still expect, delusionally, to be received like a celebrity, gawked at, admired, and have everyone turn their heads to look at me. When that doesn’t happen, inevitably, I fly into a rage and usually do one of two things, or both: withdraw and retreat into myself and sulk and sort of dissociate, or externalize my anger and glare at people and generally seem very unfriendly and hostile.

So, questions for fellow narcs:

1) How do you expect to be treated and received in public?
2) How important is supply to you from strangers while in public? What form of supply does that take?
3) If you feel you are treated specially or get a lot of attention, do you think some of it could be imagined in your mind (grandiose or delusional) as a means to cope and avoid cognitive dissonance between who you really are and who you want to be seen as?
4) How vulnerable are you to losses of supply? Can one person not giving you supply ruin your mood or self-esteem?
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Re: How do you expect to be received in public?

Postby Akuma » Thu Dec 07, 2017 4:49 pm

covertunsure wrote:So, questions for fellow narcs:

1) How do you expect to be treated and received in public?


I'm usually nice and trying to be a gentleman so in a way I expect this from others, too. But I dont care too much, except for if I'm in a bad mood already.

2) How important is supply to you from strangers while in public? What form of supply does that take?


No idea what "supply" is supposed to mean, but theyre strangers, I dont care about them.

3) If you feel you are treated specially or get a lot of attention, do you think some of it could be imagined in your mind (grandiose or delusional) as a means to cope and avoid cognitive dissonance between who you really are and who you want to be seen as?


"Special attention" in my case would be paranoia, so I dont think this is comparable.

4) How vulnerable are you to losses of supply? Can one person not giving you supply ruin your mood or self-esteem?


I'm still not clear what supply would mean. I'm a music producer so for example if you tell me my music sucks this would probably just make me shrug. If I hold you in higher regard then of course your feedback might be more important. I think thats the pretty normal narcissistci supply / vwound think for every human. But on a very basic level I really dont need you or anyone to give me anything, I have a pretty big problem with depending on anyone for anything.
dx: dissociative disorder + npd
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Re: How do you expect to be received in public?

Postby Knoxious » Thu Dec 07, 2017 6:56 pm

covertunsure wrote:1) How do you expect to be treated and received in public?
2) How important is supply to you from strangers while in public? What form of supply does that take?
3) If you feel you are treated specially or get a lot of attention, do you think some of it could be imagined in your mind (grandiose or delusional) as a means to cope and avoid cognitive dissonance between who you really are and who you want to be seen as?
4) How vulnerable are you to losses of supply? Can one person not giving you supply ruin your mood or self-esteem?


1). I expected to be treated with respect. Everything else is irrelevant since we have no relationship.
2). Supply from strangers isn't important to me, but i'd be lying to say i don't go for some. Sometimes i will stare at someone until they look at me, and when they look at me i go straight to the bank with it
3). I don't think my attention is made up. People always tell me i have nice eyes. People find me mysterious. People find me attractive. People even find me scary. All of this is very real.
4). No. Not at all.
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Re: How do you expect to be received in public?

Postby Midwinter » Thu Dec 07, 2017 10:45 pm

That is honestly some autistic thought patterns you got there...

1) How do you expect to be treated and received in public?
With respect. I am not that insecure that I want people to look at me. It tells me more about your ability to cope with your self-esteem than being narcissistic.

2) How important is supply to you from strangers while in public? What form of supply does that take?

I like female attention. That is all I live for. I love to flirt, and getting the response back. Stop using the word 'supply'.

3) If you feel you are treated specially or get a lot of attention, do you think some of it could be imagined in your mind (grandiose or delusional) as a means to cope and avoid cognitive dissonance between who you really are and who you want to be seen as?

Narcissistic personality disorder isn't based on cognitive dissonance. It is not like we are afraid to experience cognitive dissonance. We are afraid of realizing we are less than perfect, and thus we do everything to avoid that notion in all walks of life.

4) How vulnerable are you to losses of supply? Can one person not giving you supply ruin your mood or self-esteem?

No. I'm not the b#tch type of narcissist. I'm the grandiose, arrogant, antisocial type, and unless I care about your attention, I could give two f#cks if you ignore me or not.
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Re: How do you expect to be received in public?

Postby Knoxious » Sun Dec 10, 2017 7:30 pm

Midwinter wrote:
4) How vulnerable are you to losses of supply? Can one person not giving you supply ruin your mood or self-esteem?

No. I'm not the b#tch type of narcissist. I'm the grandiose, arrogant, antisocial type, and unless I care about your attention, I could give two f#cks if you ignore me or not.


:lol:

You tell 'em.
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Re: How do you expect to be received in public?

Postby Spaced » Fri Dec 15, 2017 11:14 pm

When I go out I am conscious of whether or not I'm getting looks from women. It's not a preoccupation, but I'm definitely on high alert, so to speak. My default assumption is that women find me attractive, so I guess I expect to be looked at, but I don't really think about it much either at the time or afterwards. I think I'm generally hyper aware of my environment/other people anyway, like a radar that doesn't switch off. Can't say I have any other sort of expectation regarding strangers.
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Re: How do you expect to be received in public?

Postby WhoElse » Sat Dec 16, 2017 12:19 am

In a certain way, I expect special treatment. It's more my specific skills I expect to be admired rather than my appearance, but it's probably the same thing. Every Narcissist has their own thing giving them the impression of being wonderfully special. So I can very much relate, I'm just lucky enough not to expect it before I speak. ;-)

Since I've become self-aware, supply often embarrasses me when complementing on attributes I don't consider special myself.

But the bottom line I take away from your post is very similar to what I experience: Unrealistic expectations that hurt if not fulfilled, despite rational thought telling me there's no malice involved.
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Re: How do you expect to be received in public?

Postby Liza1 » Sat Jan 13, 2018 2:21 pm

covertunsure wrote:1) How do you expect to be treated and received in public?
2) How important is supply to you from strangers while in public? What form of supply does that take?
3) If you feel you are treated specially or get a lot of attention, do you think some of it could be imagined in your mind (grandiose or delusional) as a means to cope and avoid cognitive dissonance between who you really are and who you want to be seen as?
4) How vulnerable are you to losses of supply? Can one person not giving you supply ruin your mood or self-esteem?


Hi this is my first post, I'm not diagnosed (not sure if I still qualify to comment or not) but I'm pretty sure I have NPD since the characteristics of the disorder are definitely present in my personality/behavior/thoughts.

1.
As a moderately attractive female I usually expect attention from strangers while in public places... if I don't put much effort into my appearance or don't think I look good that day, I don't expect much attention but if I have put a lot of effort into my appearance (hair, makeup, nice outfit, etc) I expect that people will stare at/admire me or try to talk to me or flirt with me. I become hyperaware of everyone who I pass' reactions to me; whether they look or not, where they look, how they're looking, etc.

If I'm with friends I often find myself doing eccentric things to get the attention of strangers & get people interested in me and looking at me. (I would never do that while alone). Despite being aware of this behavior & not totally happy about the fact that I do it, it's still something I desire doing I guess subconsciously. Or maybe I just enjoy the supply I receive from it.

2.
If I am expecting supply from strangers that day and don't get it, I can get a little upset. It's usually nothing over-the-top but it can definitely make me feel less confident. My thoughts become slightly consumed by the fact that people aren't giving me attention (since I'm somewhat used to a bit of attention from strangers)

Not sure what you mean by "What form of supply does that take?"

3.
Yes, some of my perceived attention or special treatment is most likely imagined.
Sometimes if strangers simply glance at me, in my mind, I associate that with them thinking I'm attractive/interesting/etc. but in reality it could be something unrelated. My mind tends to assume the best when I'm getting strangers' attention but that is likely not the reason every time.

I also generally assume that male strangers are interested in me (sexually) if they look at me and are flirting if they talk to me even though this may not be the case. If they seem to be acting overly nice to me I tend to attribute it to them desiring me but realistically they could just be nice people or acting that way for a self-serving purpose (if they're a worker and want a good tip from me, for example).

4.
Very vulnerable. If a person who usually gives me a lot of supply does not give me it I can get extremely depressed. If there is no other way to get immediate supply I sometimes shut down and isolate myself until some type of supply presents itself to me or a significant amount of time passes (many times I won't seek out supply, I wait for others to present themselves to me and offer their supply, so to speak).
Not really sure if it affects my self-esteem though...

-----------
Overall I'm working on not craving & relying on such superficial supply but it's been difficult for me. I know it's not healthy & at times I can consciously stop myself from doing thing to get supply but other times I find it too hard to resist lol.
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Re: How do you expect to be received in public?

Postby dibita » Mon Jan 15, 2018 2:30 pm

I think the amount of attention people think us narcissists need has been hyped up. That's not to say I don't love strokes and compliments, but I'm not bragging to random people in the loo at the pub kind of thing. :lol:
In therapy for NPD.
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Re: How do you expect to be received in public?

Postby covertunsure » Wed Feb 21, 2018 10:59 pm

Sorry to reply so late, I haven't been on the forums much as of late. I appreciate everyone's responses. It seems like they're pretty varied across the board, but in general, it doesn't seem like most of you get extremely agitated or upset when you're not getting attention. I definitely do and my mood and self-confidence/esteem take a nose dive. Would you say this is not typical of narcissism, or is just sort of an interaction of the vulnerable narcissism and mood lability associated with aspergers/autism/adhd? Or is it purely an autistic and OCD type thing?

Also, I am curious: do you all feel like the center of attention when you walk into a room or in public or in a venue with people around? I almost always do and it kind of kills me because I feel like it's totally delusional, but then I think well maybe I should just go with that inner confidence, but then I chastise myself for that grandiosity, and I consciously try to quash it by then overcompensating and assuming "beta"/submissive body language out of shame and trying to temper my narcissism/overconfidence. And then away I go with that self-doubting and all that OCD-type crap.

Pretty awful cycle.

[quote=Midwinter]That is honestly some autistic thought patterns you got there...[/quote]

Can you please elaborate on what you mean by the thought patterns being autistic? I'm genuinely curious, not trying to argue.
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