Our partner

My disturbing supply today

Narcissistic Personality Disorder message board, open discussion, and online support group.

My disturbing supply today

Postby heracles » Sat May 14, 2016 11:34 pm

I'd just finished a mowing job for one client and was on my way to the next. (I'm the owner-operator of a lawn & garden service.) As I was driving down the residential road, someone started calling out to me. It was a man on the curb. It was kind of an awkward place to stop, but I stopped my truck in the road---which wasn't busy---and walked over to him. He was sitting with a friend. He wanted to know how much I'd charge for mowing a heavily grown over lawn across the street.

I gave him a "bid" and he began to haggle a bit. We agreed on price. He wanted to know if I'd do it right now. I told him "no", I've got two other people right now. I told him I'd give him a "soft" promise of about mid next week. Then he started to give me the usual "old man wisdom" about the work ethic and how the time to make your money was when you're young. He made a point in all this that he was 70. His friend looked about the same age, maybe a little older.

I told him that sometimes you have to be careful of taking on too much work because it can damage you're body. (This, I know from experience.) He said, yeah, if you're old,like me, but "you're only 30!" I was a little amused, but I decided to just accept the compliment---or was it a joke???---and not tell him I'm 57.

Now, of course, I know he could've been just being facetious, but the reason I suspect he may really have been serious is that these kinds of comments aren't isolated incidents.

I'll admit there's some shameful boast in my posting this. But on another level there's a dark side to this phenomena, if it is indeed real, and the evidence, not all of which I'm revealing, suggests it is. There's a rush of "supply" when I get these comments, but there's also sense of unease in them too. It's kind of creepy. It's not natural. It feels almost "evil" sometimes. And how long will it last? The shoe has to drop some time. And when it does, will I be ready for it?
Intermittent, intense angst & sensucht . Covert somatic narcissism/Pseudo-Body-Dysmorphia. Secret, languid schizoid. Dysthymia. Gerascaphobia. Dorian Gray Syndrome. Avoidant. Iatraphobia. Psychiatraphobia. Self-Indentified. Just traits? High on the spectrum? Full blown? Doesn't matter to me. Not on meds. INTJ.
heracles
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 477
Joined: Fri Apr 27, 2012 7:28 pm
Local time: Sun Dec 05, 2021 3:09 pm
Blog: View Blog (9)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: My disturbing supply today

Postby MeAgain » Sun May 15, 2016 2:03 am

I'm 53 and people younger than me refer to as me "young man" all of the time. It's great, in't it?! Until, that is, you remember that it's because there's no feeling in you to manifest itself on the skin.
30mg Citalopram SSRI Antidepressant
40mg Propranolol Beta Blocker

A mere imp of Satan
User avatar
MeAgain
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1542
Joined: Mon Aug 24, 2015 2:29 pm
Local time: Sun Dec 05, 2021 3:09 pm
Blog: View Blog (2)

Re: My disturbing supply today

Postby dune 1 » Sun May 15, 2016 7:10 am

Hello, this is my first post. heracles, do you feel uneasy because you're thinking of Dorian Gray? (I believe I have npd by the way, although it's hidden very well as far as I can tell.)
dune 1
Consumer 2
Consumer 2
 
Posts: 55
Joined: Sun May 15, 2016 6:41 am
Local time: Sun Dec 05, 2021 3:09 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: My disturbing supply today

Postby Spaced » Sun May 15, 2016 9:37 pm

There is no way in hell that you look 30 at the age of 57. 40... maybe... if you're slim, still have hair with no MPB and no greying, and lucky with your face.
Spaced
Consumer 5
Consumer 5
 
Posts: 127
Joined: Sat Oct 10, 2015 10:55 pm
Local time: Sun Dec 05, 2021 3:09 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: My disturbing supply today

Postby heracles » Tue May 17, 2016 8:24 pm

dune 1 wrote:Hello, this is my first post. heracles, do you feel uneasy because you're thinking of Dorian Gray? (I believe I have npd by the way, although it's hidden very well as far as I can tell.)


I did read The Picture of Dorian Gray recently, a few months ago or so. I'd been intending to for quite a while. I enjoyed it a lot. There was a lot that I didn't identify with in Dorian, and a fair amount that I did. I don't want to come across as elegant or decadent, and I don't seek the hedonism he did either. In fact, it's a bit confused exactly what I'd want to do if I could be physically young again, whether forever or some extended period of time. But one thing I could relate to is the sense Dorian had that something was very, very "wrong" in what he'd attained. Something disturbingly "off". His sense of being irredeemably evil. This was expressed by Wilde in his own cultural concepts and images, which included religion.

But this obsession pre-dates my reading or even really knowing much about Dorian Gray. I think I've explored it enough in my blogs and posts on this forum. How much is the perception that I look much younger delusion, wishful thinking, exaggerated, and how much, if at all, is it really true? Why should it matter to a man of character? Is it just crass vanity? I think the psychology of and experiential sociology (if I may coin a phrase) of ones personal looks, of ones personal physicality is more than just vanity. I don't think BDD or NPD theory really delve into it, really explain it that well. One part of it is that you really do become part of a different world as you get older. You're more invisible. And this is much more so for aging misfits and socially marginal people like me.

But I'm still not quite sure why I have this mixed reaction of "elation and relief" on the one hand when I get these "you look a lot younger" comments followed by shame and dis-ease on the other. Am I in the real Twilight Zone, or am I only there in my deluded mind. I haven't quite cracked that nut.
Intermittent, intense angst & sensucht . Covert somatic narcissism/Pseudo-Body-Dysmorphia. Secret, languid schizoid. Dysthymia. Gerascaphobia. Dorian Gray Syndrome. Avoidant. Iatraphobia. Psychiatraphobia. Self-Indentified. Just traits? High on the spectrum? Full blown? Doesn't matter to me. Not on meds. INTJ.
heracles
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 477
Joined: Fri Apr 27, 2012 7:28 pm
Local time: Sun Dec 05, 2021 3:09 pm
Blog: View Blog (9)

Re: My disturbing supply today

Postby heracles » Tue May 17, 2016 8:45 pm

Spaced wrote:There is no way in hell that you look 30 at the age of 57. 40... maybe... if you're slim, still have hair with no MPB and no greying, and lucky with your face.


I'm not claiming I do. Others have, say from as low as late 20's to mid 30's. I don't usually see that in the mirror. In fact I often, if not usually, see every year of 57 and I have some recent photos that cause me despair. Depends a lot on lighting---brightness and quality. I'm not always walking on cloud 9.

I am slim. My work and running keeps me toned. I was wearing a hat at the time, but I do have male pattern baldness. I'm pretty self-conscious about it, but I'm trying more to go without a hat in public, as a form of exposure therapy. Many young men, good-looking, in their 20's, have MPB. It doesn't always make you look that old. Wrinkles, loose skin and collagen depletion are the main signs of aging.
Intermittent, intense angst & sensucht . Covert somatic narcissism/Pseudo-Body-Dysmorphia. Secret, languid schizoid. Dysthymia. Gerascaphobia. Dorian Gray Syndrome. Avoidant. Iatraphobia. Psychiatraphobia. Self-Indentified. Just traits? High on the spectrum? Full blown? Doesn't matter to me. Not on meds. INTJ.
heracles
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 477
Joined: Fri Apr 27, 2012 7:28 pm
Local time: Sun Dec 05, 2021 3:09 pm
Blog: View Blog (9)

Re: My disturbing supply today

Postby Psycho Delica » Tue May 17, 2016 11:05 pm

Maybe they were trying to hoover you so you would do the work at a cheap rate and do it when he wanted you to? Older people can be very cunning like that, if they are narcissists themselves.

Though I have seen some very young looking men in their 50s. I work along side of one that could pass as being in his late 30s. He eats very well and looks after himself, and he has lost all of his hair so the fact he just shaves his head helps him keep his youthful look, too.

But yes, definitely weird supply. They showered you with their hoovering and compliments for you to take it all and happily go about your day, sticking to your own plan. Nice one :D Bloody narcissist!! :lol: it's time like this I really wish I was more on the NPD scale. People can hoover me way too easily and I will drop my plans and help them out. (not as much as I used to though)
Psycho Delica
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 439
Joined: Tue Aug 12, 2014 8:21 am
Local time: Mon Dec 06, 2021 2:09 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: My disturbing supply today

Postby heracles » Tue May 17, 2016 11:25 pm

He called again today. He said he wanted it done either today or tomorrow, so he's pretty demanding, which makes me uncomfortable. I'm going to tell him tonight I'll do it tomorrow and I'm choosing the time. I plan to be polite but firm with him. It takes a lot to manipulate me, and you have to flatter my cerebral side for that anyway. Tell me I'm brilliant, and do it convincingly, and you[ve got me. I know the art of manipulation very, very well, and I'm always en guarde.
Intermittent, intense angst & sensucht . Covert somatic narcissism/Pseudo-Body-Dysmorphia. Secret, languid schizoid. Dysthymia. Gerascaphobia. Dorian Gray Syndrome. Avoidant. Iatraphobia. Psychiatraphobia. Self-Indentified. Just traits? High on the spectrum? Full blown? Doesn't matter to me. Not on meds. INTJ.
heracles
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 477
Joined: Fri Apr 27, 2012 7:28 pm
Local time: Sun Dec 05, 2021 3:09 pm
Blog: View Blog (9)

Re: My disturbing supply today

Postby zuz » Tue May 17, 2016 11:32 pm

I am more than 30 and I sometimes have difficulties buying alcohol. They ask me to show ID! :mrgreen: Cheers for that amazing disturbing supply :)
zuz
Consumer 5
Consumer 5
 
Posts: 128
Joined: Mon Apr 11, 2016 11:05 pm
Local time: Sun Dec 05, 2021 4:09 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: My disturbing supply today

Postby dune 1 » Thu May 19, 2016 5:51 am

heracles, I agree that appearance is about more than vanity. I'm starting to feel out of place in certain settings, populated by younger people. My appearance has always defined who I am; I don't feel attractive really, even when I've thought that everyone was admiring me. I don't feel any more attractive than a painting of a nice looking person would (back to Dorian Gray); I'm something to admire in the mirror, or for other people to look at. (Less so in recent years.)

I also relate to your feeling of something being 'off', and I worry people will pick up on it, but they rarely do.
dune 1
Consumer 2
Consumer 2
 
Posts: 55
Joined: Sun May 15, 2016 6:41 am
Local time: Sun Dec 05, 2021 3:09 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Next

Return to Narcissistic Personality Disorder Forum




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 44 guests