Our partner

Narcissism in the family and my expirience

Narcissistic Personality Disorder message board, open discussion, and online support group.

Moderators: mark1958, Echinacea, realityhere

Narcissism in the family and my expirience

Postby newuser1980 » Tue Feb 26, 2013 11:36 am

Dear all, 1 year ago I figured out its not the problem I havent met the special someone, nor that I am to sensitive. i found out I have pathological NPD. My mother was narcissistic psychopath with EQ of 8 year old. She had to watch as a child her mother how she is changing sexual partners in the back of the car. So I went to my grandfather to check if the mother of my grandmother was the narcissistic psychopath too. And guess what?For all my life I am kind of attracted to beautiful narcissistic people. I am sexual addict and smoke in compulsive way. Everything started when I was a child, they found out my talents, I was attending national competitions in several topics and winning awards. I was so f... self confident when they told me they couldnt measure my IQ, so a lot of testing in addition. So I never was able to build my self image as it is, it was all about the achievements and competitions. Poetry, Math, Physics, Chemistry... I have a benefit, I am not psychopath, sure I am self absorbed and sometimes cant see the relations because I am to occupied by myself. BUT with 1 year of PA, my relations are better, my sexual addiction is better and I even think of quiting smoking. I just dont react in impulsive way so often. Now I work on my jealousy and irrational standards, there are several forms of jealousy, I have 1 which is not described in literature, its the case when I am obsessed with someone, I compare myself with the subject close to the object of desire AND in addition I compare myself to the object of desire. So I am now working on irrational standards in order not to think he or she is better, but be aware of self value and that we are simply different. Not better or worse. for me PA is very helpful, but sometimes I feel like Will Hunting and sometimes like Sharon Stone, it depends how good is my day.
newuser1980
Consumer 1
Consumer 1
 
Posts: 21
Joined: Tue Feb 26, 2013 11:15 am
Local time: Fri Sep 21, 2018 9:25 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: Narcissism in the family and my expirience

Postby margharris » Tue Feb 26, 2013 11:02 pm

Hi Newuser,
You do appear to be operating as a trueself. You have capacity to understand yourself and modify and refine your behaviour. Not everything is an act with you. In this you differ from the narcissist's that journey here. More than likely you are not a narcissist yourself Just enjoy acting like one. Perhaps you fall more closely to that category of folk that self cue and refuse to follow the norm, preferring to resist. All that pressure to achieve needed an out and you found an impulse you could go with that provided that. You need to go behind your addiction to what prompted it or you will continue to find ways to yield to this impulse.
Your family has come through a lot from the sound of it. There is a lot of forgiveness required to heal it.

Hope we can help here. Marg
margharris
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 2448
Joined: Sun Sep 25, 2011 4:20 am
Local time: Sat Sep 22, 2018 8:25 am
Blog: View Blog (71)

Re: Narcissism in the family and my expirience

Postby newuser1980 » Wed Feb 27, 2013 9:03 am

margharris wrote:Hi Newuser,
You do appear to be operating as a trueself. You have capacity to understand yourself and modify and refine your behaviour. Not everything is an act with you. In this you differ from the narcissist's that journey here. More than likely you are not a narcissist yourself Just enjoy acting like one. Perhaps you fall more closely to that category of folk that self cue and refuse to follow the norm, preferring to resist. All that pressure to achieve needed an out and you found an impulse you could go with that provided that. You need to go behind your addiction to what prompted it or you will continue to find ways to yield to this impulse.
Your family has come through a lot from the sound of it. There is a lot of forgiveness required to heal it.

Hope we can help here. Marg


Thanks, I really appreciate your opinion Marg, now I am working on my jelousy, This is the hardest in 1 year of PA, it improved for 2% only. When I fall in love with str8 guys, when they are sexual with some onne night stand girl, I tend to ask them several personal questions even when I know rationaly this is wrong and private. BUT the thing which has changed is that I really show interest in people and i am in process of building a strong close platonic relationships with straight friends (so falling in love with being close I find much more ok, than in the past when all my love relationship were only in my head). "He said its all in your head and I said so its everything, but he didnt really get it" I am ready for a brave new world, I have adopted the opinion that people are as they show and that the majority of people are ok. But my posessive mother was limiting me from my firiends, the thing is she forbid me to have any. So now in 1 year of PA I went form EQ of 12 years old to 16.

Ps:interesting thing is I am not jealous or just a little when a guy has steady girlfriend, I am jealous to the fullest when he has sex with strangers. I am gay, but show interest only in str8 guys.
newuser1980
Consumer 1
Consumer 1
 
Posts: 21
Joined: Tue Feb 26, 2013 11:15 am
Local time: Fri Sep 21, 2018 9:25 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Narcissism in the family and my expirience

Postby margharris » Wed Feb 27, 2013 9:02 pm

Hi Newuser,
Sorry, I might have misunderstood you. I was reading you as a sexual addict in your first post. From what you now say, it seems this addiction is only processed in the form of desire and is not fulfilled physically. You being attracted to only straight guys means that they remain unattainable. This might be satisfying your need for safety.
There are a number of gays here that have come through the identity issues surrounding their sexuality. Your mother has had a very troubled background. Her need to control you stems from that need for safety herself. There is a legacy from being raised in this sort of environment. There is always a lot to sort through. I am pleased you are making so much progress with your therapy. Marg
margharris
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 2448
Joined: Sun Sep 25, 2011 4:20 am
Local time: Sat Sep 22, 2018 8:25 am
Blog: View Blog (71)

Re: Narcissism in the family and my expirience

Postby newuser1980 » Thu Feb 28, 2013 9:46 am

Hi Marg, I really appreciate that you take your time. I have a theory now that some small percentage of narcissists with every 20 or 30 symptoms till the last one, posses empathy, this is not impossible though. It may be rare, but in such a case when excess of empathy is present, progress is much faster. I have PA today and will discuss this with my therapist. Concerning str8 guys, I believe I desire them because they are unreachable. I seduced some in the past, but now I try to avoid such situations. Sure I am narcissistic no question about that, or at least I was. I even won national beauty competition, along with my past achievements whit which I like to brag about. But now things changed, when I am in the process of getting to know somebody I control the impulses of no self worth, so I dont tell them on a first meeting that I am "special" For the past 10 years every time when my father and stepmother came for a visit in my country on an every intimate occasion with very little time, I was bragging with my sexual achievements out loud, that the whole restaurant could hear it. The number of guys I had and how perfect they was. Once when my father was speaking of some coworker, how extremely intelligent she was and doing some projects in the field of robotics, I was screaming like a child trambeling and explaining to him that she is nothing special and for sure not perfect, I wanted to go out in the night (we were on the seaside) and simply hurt him to hide somewhere and get lost. Such a rage and adrenalin came into my guts. Now when our family meets we talk like normal. I try to look at the things from different perspective and take into consideration others. I strongly believe that there are empathic narcissists but its hard to see their empathy because its overwhelmed with the symptoms of rage. But honestly Marg, I expected that more people will try to give me the advices, although primary, I want to help others. But it seems I am one of the few who want to speak openly and explain the issues in the head of narcissist. ;)
newuser1980
Consumer 1
Consumer 1
 
Posts: 21
Joined: Tue Feb 26, 2013 11:15 am
Local time: Fri Sep 21, 2018 9:25 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Narcissism in the family and my expirience

Postby Sarahlea » Thu Feb 28, 2013 12:56 pm

I'm not a psychologist, so I say this based only on what I know as a layperson, but I think if you have empathy and otherwise fit the diagnosis, then you're high on the spectrum but not NPD. My father was like that, I doubt he was NPD, but had a lot of the traits. This is its own monster because it makes for VERY unpredictable behavior. NPDs, at least, are predictable once you know the game.
Sarahlea
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 303
Joined: Fri Jan 04, 2013 10:05 pm
Local time: Fri Sep 21, 2018 5:25 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Narcissism in the family and my expirience

Postby newuser1980 » Thu Feb 28, 2013 2:34 pm

Strange, because my PA is convinced i have narcissism too. In former times I had to be the best, simply was made, flirting with guys on the streets constantly, my relations were really explosive, I had to have the last word all the time and and I was playing self confident. I was hiding all my drawbacks and when I went out for a coffee and there were some slutty girls, Ive had to brag about my swimmers like all the time out loud to hurt them. I just believe this is not exclusive. You can have empathy, but if you do not show any, nobody notices it. On the other hand, could be that the NP with empathy have greater tendency to be auto destructive, subconscious they feel guilt. When I dismissed the behavior of trying to be "artificially normal" a lot of insecurity came out, all the masks fell down and I had no defense mechanisms, sometimes you dont like to be on the street, because you are convinced somebody will notice you are not ok. Its all about the image. Than as Ive said a period of weeks and months of insecurity came. This part is the hardest to survive without feeding your ego. Than later, Ive noticed if I dont play perfect the people still like me... I cant explain how liberating this feeling is. You can start to build a realistic self image on a healthy basis.
newuser1980
Consumer 1
Consumer 1
 
Posts: 21
Joined: Tue Feb 26, 2013 11:15 am
Local time: Fri Sep 21, 2018 9:25 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Narcissism in the family and my expirience

Postby Sarahlea » Thu Feb 28, 2013 3:11 pm

Newuser, has your PA tested you for borderline? BPDs often possess narcissism, but are fully capable of empathy and feeling remorse for their bad behavior. They might not be able to admit wrongdoing to others, but the remorse is there. Also, BPD is treatable, and NPD, generally speaking, isn't.
Sarahlea
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 303
Joined: Fri Jan 04, 2013 10:05 pm
Local time: Fri Sep 21, 2018 5:25 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Narcissism in the family and my expirience

Postby newuser1980 » Thu Feb 28, 2013 3:29 pm

He hasnt but he is working on institute and has a degree on Sigmund Freud. He said last time I have just 1 personality disorder narcissism. (because I was convinced I have many of them) Just 1 more thing in my youth when I was IQ tested, I developed a fascistic thinking that people below 150 wouldnt have the voting right, so in my opinion in that time that way society would be much better. I couldnt be more wrong. Some so called geniuses have a greater tendency towards narcissism and homosexuality Ive read an article about it. In my 1 grade I got attention so, that I was solving math homeworks for pupils twice my age, I am not exaggerating I was obsessed with numbers as a child.
newuser1980
Consumer 1
Consumer 1
 
Posts: 21
Joined: Tue Feb 26, 2013 11:15 am
Local time: Fri Sep 21, 2018 9:25 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Narcissism in the family and my expirience

Postby newuser1980 » Thu Feb 28, 2013 4:57 pm

:) Just been to PA and we talked about this, the therapist said he never claimed Im a narcissistic, it was me who came with the diagnosis, he just hasnt opposed it. So pardon me for being wrong.
newuser1980
Consumer 1
Consumer 1
 
Posts: 21
Joined: Tue Feb 26, 2013 11:15 am
Local time: Fri Sep 21, 2018 9:25 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Next

Return to Narcissistic Personality Disorder Forum




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 116 guests