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I really am lost

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I really am lost

Postby flylettuce » Wed Jul 04, 2018 1:05 am

I definitely wouldn’t say “you’re not alone” because I don’t know how that would help. Obviously you’re not alone.
I went to the ENT about tonsil stones and he said the only thing he could do was perform surgery. I perked up immediately as my out of pocket is paid after just having a knee scope. I immediately decided I was getting my tonsils out. I had to wait a month which was almost unbearable but the day finally came, I got the IV, answered all the questions, and was taken to the OR. Next thing I know I wake up and am told they couldn’t do it. My jaw is too small, my tongue is too big, and my neck is too short. I’m heartbroken. But not because they couldn’t take em out, but because they didn’t just risk it and put me in ICU. I had a premonition this would happen.
Now I’m sitting here pouring out my story and at most I’ll get a “you’re not alone”.
I really know how you feel. I have somewhat of a dangerous job and hope constantly I’ll be hurt or attacked. I don’t want to die, I just to have this urge to be coddled. My wife and I’s lives are so boring that this feeling is returning from years past with a vengeance. Now all I want is to find something wrong and get my very own hospital bed. THIS SUCKS!! I hate feeling this way. I wish I had all the answers.
I have often thought about committing myself but I’d lose everything and would probably end up divorced and living on the streets.
I guess one of the things I hate is that I am conscious of my mental state. I don’t think any additional medications can help. I really wish I had the answers. Just don’t ask for death. You won’t want it when it comes.
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