Fear of men... fear of everything?

This seems to be the area to put this down... but, I hope you just understand my predicament.

When I was young, the guys who were little were very clickish... so much so, that if I called on the phone for a friend of mine to play, if someone called just after me, I would leave the house, be on my driveway and see my best friend running down the sidewalk running away from me to be with someone else, hoping I did not see him.

These were my best friends.

I would come to this persons house, and her mother told me that he went out already. She would ask me, "Why wasn't he with you?" Oh, she was mad. But, I knew a BETTER friend called... so...

That was that!

At night it was different. No one was lkeft out... I was called upon. I was a body. Someone who could make night fun happen... and I enjoyed it... and was out usually before anyone asked me to... because there were friends around.

During the day? I might be called for a game of baseballl... last one picked... no one showing me how to be better at that game...

So, guys... that's the way it is, right? Jock, burnout, geek... or worse nothing.

Nothing meant just that. If you went to a middle school or highschool dance, you were a wallflower, those who bided their times near the walls at the dance making fun of kids, but wishing we had the courage to ask some to dance without a bunch of bullies crowding in making you as fool?

But, me? I was a special wall flower! I did not need to be at dances or social gatherings becasue I was always there unseen... because my type of wallflower grew inside the walls.

These are the guys who eat there lunch so fast to get out of the lunch room, and if in highschool, go to the library and hide somewhere. We knew that school better than any other kid. If someone said that the light switch between 203 and the janitors closet was going bad... we knew it was. We knew everything abouyt that school for survival!

Did we graduate? Yes!

College... yes...

Except have you ever wanted to go out with a girl though your soul aches to do so... and you feel not good enough... so you fantasize to music... and just dream of the perfect relationship where you are the prince.

You find a professor who seems to be a good friend... too good... and creates something that will forever haunt you to these days for the rest of your life... a sexual attack? Coming from no where... and scares your life forever?

That is as far as I am going on the testosterone thread of a bunch guys. This stuff is never told about... it's so tabboo that the very mention is a destructive entity. This stuff belongs on the sexual abuse forum that women actually welcome men into it. All I have found in men's issues is just... never that.

Delete this whole thing... I don't really care... really...

Ok so your post was a little too vauge for my limited mental capacity, so i apologise for that. I get the sense you are talking about feeling isolated and that there was some kind of sexual assault from a teacher? If i'm on ball in assuming that's correct then (as both a survivor of sexual abuse and someone who used to post on this site often, As a moderator even) I can suggest that you seek out male support for such a topic, Each to his own but woman rarely understand how utterly hostile a male survivor can be, Rage can be an artifact of vaulnerability for alot of men, I suppose it depends.

When i was young i denied that there was anything wrong, I mentally-shrugged it off and therefore delt with everything internally which will essentially kill one's social functioning/relationships. In my early twenties a just began to start to deal with thing's and sought professional help which wasnt very helpful on account i prefered to slash at my memories (In the form of anger and alcohol) so they would sliver and become unrecognizable - I had issues with the consequences of the abuse but didnt want to deal with the fact it had occured in the first place. So time putter's on and slowly i start to deal with thing's in a healthy way, I learn to accept them and not chastize myself for someone else's misdeed's, In large part it wasnt any kind of kind word's/pity or even attempts at support that helped me (which is why posting in the forums where mostly woman commented wasnt at all helpful) It was talking to other men who themselves suffered and carried on, It was being able to identify and realize you're not alone.

So i'd encourage seeking out a male support group for abuse victims, And go at your own pace.

Hey.you do care and defeating your reach for help before people can be there is what you have had and been treated like when you were young.I was abused by three teenage girls when I was 2-4 years old,I also was a jock I played baseball yet still had no friends I was the ace pitcher and 3rd base I even signed with the cubs,and promptly threw my arm way out beyond repair still no friends,I know what that feels like and I tell you,allot of guys don't seem to want to give another guy a ear having been married for 23 years now to a girl I met when I was 18,it took 1 year for us to do anything cause when we would try I would just lay there frozen just like when I was 2,who knew right?.
Anyway don't think your alone,don't silence your shouts for help and dont keep looking down look people in the eye when they walk by and nerves and jidders aside speak your mind and try not to please everyone ,pay yourself first,in respect and money worry about the rest later you will make it.
Good luck and look past the isolated bubble your stuck in,soon you'll notice you are being noticed and by the most important person you are fighting to get respect from.....youself.enjoy
PS You ever watch the breakfast club,if not it has every steriotype in it and I think it does a very good job of showing just the kinds of issue's kids grow up with and how they are all a little of the same people,if you've not see it,you should,it's worth your time.

Anyway don't think your alone,don't silence your shouts for help and dont keep looking down look people in the eye when they walk by and nerves and jidders aside speak your mind