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The lost boy's trying to find our men

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The lost boy's trying to find our men

Postby 2hungover » Wed Jun 03, 2015 6:37 am

At 50 yrs. old a combat Veteran and survivor of childhood sexual, physical abuse and more than I wish to go in to. According to the Medical professionals I have more issues than they do pills to that help. I can only speak from my own experiences and do not claim to be an authority on anything but myself. After enduring childhood abuse I escaped at 17 into the military thinking it was all in the past for me. How ignorant was I to think it was swept under the rug. Not until I was about 40 years old did I realize what an absolute catalyst it had become for my life. At 40 I now had some very concrete patterns of behavior to work with to improve my future. At 17 I threw my childhood to the wind and started life with the most broken set of tool's and life skill's imaginable, I'm amazed I survived this far. So my identity as a boy was very low and confusing but never the less it is still my identity. By throwing it aside at 17 well it just remained as it was 33 years ago. And having no identity as an adult I tried to build one with very poor tool's. So thus my statement " The lost boy's ", I have been lost most all my life, a ship with no corse a Captain of a blind ship going ??? So before I could plot a corse I had to know where I wanted to go and naturally yes to the nearest port for some needed repairs. Doctors and our Mental health advisors though very important are limited and we need to pick up some slack. I can get most all my needs met on any level from outside resources,except one. That one is the biggest resource we all need, love. Doesn't matter if you have women,family,friends who love you unless I love me I am still empty and void. As men in this day and age we just do not have the necessary tools to seem to acquire what should just come naturally. Why didn't our forefathers who founded and tamed this land have these paralyzing issues and phobia's crippling there every step in life. Men knew how to nurture one another and how to put a sight on a direction in life. No man would dare set about alone in life back then, you'd die. Men had pack's and camaraderie and we helped one another cried for one another we felt each others pain and despair and celebrated each others victories. That's what men use to behave like but now that the west was won and tamed suitable for our women to raise families our forefathers left that responsibility to the women. Makes sense to me since women do know a hell of a lot more about emotions and nurturing than we do and most men do not feel comfortable being nurturing anyhow. Well so my point is at 17 when I began my adult life I was not being nurtured by anyone and had no idea how to do it myself since non of the men I knew had a clue either. So i went to the most logical place, women right? In my twisted mind I believed that by getting a women to have sex with me I was getting nurtured emotionally from her and loved. Well as soon as the sex was over so was the nurturing and so I have been screwing everything in sight trying to fill my cup and the damn women just are not giving me enough sex,LOL. Now that I have discovered this flaw in my thought process I no longer have to chase women relentlessly and put that energy towards nurturing myself.The amount of disfunction and demented thought patterns I have it is apparent the damage has already been done. My new direction unlike when 17 and a damaged victim of my perpetrators I am more educated with a purpose and direction as a man not a victim but a survivor with a message hope to share and maybe a bit of nurturing to another in need on there journey to find our men and reclaim our lives.
2hungover
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