Been asking, not getting help

Was going to vent, but I realized I never did an introduction. I have a $#%^ load of issues and diagnosis and general life challenges, like everyone else. What I deal with is rape by an uncle when I was 5: still blame myself for because I’m gay, always in my own little world(now there’s letters for that, ADHD), started cutting age of 8, abusive father, started drinking everyday age of 12, first rehab after arrest age 15, which turned out to be a cult which I was in till I was 18 came out, told everyone to ###$ off, in and out of rehabs, aa, na, duel, finally diagnosed with bipolar after Kaiser outsourced me to Sharp(they got a dr who recognized an illness, instead of just an unwilling addict). Hospitalizations, relapses, suicide attempts, sister passed from cancer, lived and lost thru the aids crisis, suicide attempts got so bad the declared me disabled, and I started electro convulsive therapy, ….I think that’s it, but geez, anyways there were some spectacularly great times in there, which I appreciate when my head lets me. Oh, met my best friend in the intensive care unit, both on a 72 he hold, still my favorite person 20+ years later. She is my bud, my rock, I’m her hag. After years of therapists, etc, I hate dr.s but now I need one. Kaiser won’t pay my psychiatrist anymore, and I need a therapist, because I found out my therapist was illegally inappropriate. Still working thru blaming myself for that, but meanwhile, no therapist, no psychiatrist, but on disability because of mental illness. Bad stuff heading this way, feels like..

Hello and welcome to the forum. I hope you can find the help you so deserve, and soon. Until then, I'm willing to sit and listen, if you think that might help.

I'm so sorry for what you've been through. I hope we can support you here. Wishing you all the best!