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New, confused, and a little scared

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New, confused, and a little scared

Postby PerAspera » Mon Mar 23, 2020 11:43 pm

Hello all. I'm a 24 year old guy located in the United States. I am in the process of getting professional help (I have been referred at least but Covid-19 has delayed things a bit).

I have had many misdiagnoses. The most recent being BPD. However, due to the age at which I was diagnosed (15 years old, which I feel is very wrong) among other things I experience, I don't think that means much when the criteria stops fitting and only 2 or 3 of the 5 out of 9 required still apply. I am hoping this professional I will see can help.

I suspect I may actually have OSDD-1 of some sort. I have a trauma history. Regardless, I am in denial of this and worry I am faking things. I don't think what I went through was that bad and with what little I can remember, I feel no emotion for it. I don't even know if I am allowed to call it trauma. Feels like I am being overdramatic and taking spaces away from those who need them.

I've been calling my experiences and the maybe-people I feel in my head "fake" and that has been leading to some hardcore depression and ideation. Don't understand why since I don't want a system.

I've just been hellbent on not calling myself a system or anything until I can get a diagnosis that says that is what I am so I don't create some false presentation if I am not a system. I worry I could still have BPD or just some sort of anxiety disorder or psychotic disorder presenting similarly. Especially since what made me realize I may have a system was a series of episodes in which I either felt I was legitimately dying or felt as though I might die back in January & February. This went on for weeks.

That all said, I'll most likely be lurking rather than contributing. At least until everything is sorted and I know for sure.
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Re: New, confused, and a little scared

Postby Johnny-Jack » Sat Apr 11, 2020 3:58 pm

Hi PerAspera. I do hope you're able to get at least an online consultation and meetings. You deserve some help and some answers. It sounds like you've done some research and that's a good thing. You mentioned OSDD-1 and if you weren't yet aware, the dissociative-disorder/ (DDNOS) forum covers what is now referred to as OSDD. It's not as active as the DID forum dissociative-identity/ so new posters often find their way to that forum or are referred there by other members. The treatment recommendations for both dissociative disorders is now very similar if not the same.

As you many have noticed forums here don't require that you have any official diagnosis before reading or posting in a forum. Many new members use the forums to explore their own symptoms and although no one here can (or should) try to diagnose you, you can learn whether your experiences have any resonance in the posts of other members in any of the forums.
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Re: New, confused, and a little scared

Postby Johei » Wed Sep 02, 2020 11:24 pm

Hi there,

What really sparked my interest in your post was the fact that you 'Felt like a system'
To many people this may sound weird, but it rings a bell with me.
All my life I have had the idea that other people were just breezing through life, and I couldn't relate.
I make all my decisions based on structure, logic. (Am I a system)
You might be slightly autistic like me.
Anyway, if you feel like talking to me, I'm nearly 20 years older than you, so there's a good chance I have already learned how to handle some problems you are now going through.
Just reply if you feel like a chat.
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