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controlling husband? HELP me understand..

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controlling husband? HELP me understand..

Postby annsmith30016 » Tue Aug 21, 2018 7:35 pm

I have been married for 33 years. My husband was a little controlling when we first got married. Example he did not want me to wear a button up shirt (because of the gaps). As the years went by he seemed to mellow out and nothing has really been said about my clothes. He would tell me I looked good in most everything I wore. He would always want me to dress sexy around him. We even went to a couple of "swinger" events at his insistence and I wore short skirts and showed cleavage. He didn't have a problem with it. He then got a job that he focused 90% of his attention on. It got to were I would just go and do my own thing. He would be asked to go, but never did. He missed a lot of family functions and our daughters school functions because of work. Then he lost his job a year and a half ago. I didn't show compassion when he did because he made comments a few times that HE made the money and if it weren't for him I wouldn't have the things that I do. I felt like it was a bit of karma. Now he has a lot of time on his hands and wants us to spend every minute together. He wants to know who I am talking to, who I am texting. He never had a Facebook account before now he does and wants to dictate who I can be friends with on there. No guys. He even went as far as friending people from my list of friends that he has never met or spoken to just because they were work colleague that I see occasionally at work functions. He has also become over bearing about the clothes I wear. He does not want me to show any cleavage at all. Says I can only wear a swimsuit in the backyard in the pool. He does not want me to walk into our garage or in our yard with my swimsuit on (a one piece) I am not a small woman and when I find clothes that make me feel good and boost my self esteem I want to wear them. No one has ever told me or made me think, other than him, that I was dressing inappropriately. I don't do it for male attention. I do it because it makes me feel good. He says yoga tops are inappropriate. Yoga pants. Leggings. Dresses that come above the knees. V neck shirts. ANYTHING that shows a little skin. He thinks it is trashy to wear a tank top with your bra strap showing. I have wore all those things in the past and he never said a word. When I ask him about that he says he never liked it he just didn't say anything. I am confused and mad at the same time. He says if I respected and loved him I just wouldn't wear those things. But I don't want to spend the rest of my life in baggy t-shirts and sweat pants. He is also now started wanting me to be detailed and precise with my wording to him.. If I say I am going to go to the store and get a coke and come back with a Dr. Pepper he is going to say I thought you said you were getting a coke. His tone of voice puts me on edge and makes me defensive. I feel like if I keep giving in what is there left of me... Scared I am losing my identity to make him happy.

Please help. I am at a loss.
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