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So sexually frustrated it hurts

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So sexually frustrated it hurts

Postby Xeniaxx » Thu Aug 09, 2018 5:46 pm

It became pretty clear early on, that my sex drive is a lot higher than my boyfriend's. I’d pretty much like him to ###$ me 3+ times each day while in his opinion once a week is ”a lot”. I’m into light bdsm, breath play, hair pulling, spanking, etc… all that stuff, while he likes it completely vanilla. Even his porn preferences is sadly very tasteful. I can only orgasm through hard sex, but he then comes way too fast, before I can reach climax. I've read somewhere you can "train" this by having more sex, but that's the whole problem!!!!
I've kinda given up on initiating sex, because I get so upset when he (granted, softly) rejects me.
I'm a very monogamous person, so opening the relationship is a no-go. And I really love him to death, but it makes me feel very undesired and sad. And it's such a turn off for me to pressure, it makes me feel like he's just doing a chore. I don't want that.

I'm getting more and more frustrated. Any ideas??
I work out and eat healthy. He really likes affectionate touches, kisses, getting his hair pet, etc., it seems to up my chance for sex. I dunno if I should try to put makeup on and dress in sexy lingerie or something, but I don't really have the money right now to buy that :/ Or if I should do lots of yoga and meditation to become happy or something, haha. I guess happiness is sexy or what? Sigh. Please help

He's not taking any medicine, but he had a psychosis in march. Could it be negative symptoms from skizophrenia? I hate the idea of us being sexually incompatible..
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Re: So sexually frustrated it hurts

Postby GuessWhat » Thu Aug 09, 2018 8:03 pm

Well, sex is an important side of a relationship; so I think it is normal that you feel uncomfortable.
Now now, the fact that you are looking for a way is a good thing, others would be more disgusting, like leaving him, or cheating on him.
The fact that he had mental health issue can be the reason of his low libido, to be honest. For example, looks like I have erectyl dysfunction and low testosterone level due the depression, just saying.

The safest way in my opinion is talking with him. You have to say that this situation makes you sad and frustrated. But choice well your words, 'cause in the other hand maybe having more and hard sex can make him "sad". So you both have to find a common way to perform this, going with needs and possibilities that you have (I don't know if he has a job and how much he works, etc.)

Hope I helped you.
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Re: So sexually frustrated it hurts

Postby ducksducksducks » Thu Sep 27, 2018 1:02 pm

When I read your post I had to check and see if it was me who had written it, maybe in a daydream. I am looking forward to reading any replies to your post so I can find some advice myself. I too hard sex, fantasy play and role playing. i do not like affectionate sex . I don't like to kiss. To me sex and love have just never Blended. Like someone else who replied to your post, I think my husband gets hurt inside because I will not love him with sex, or as he likes to call it making love. I am monogamous. I do not want a divorce. And truthfully just about five years ago he got diagnosed with bipolar disorder. So when I asked for hard sex he too finishes in about 30 seconds. He never masturbates so he's always ready to finish. I am so complicated when it comes to sex he has no idea how to build me up or please me. And unfortunately I don't know either so I can't really guide him. All I know is hard sex and roleplay and light spankings from a confident and strong-minded man turn me on. Since my husband is only doing this for me occasionally and I feel like he's doing me a favor, it really does not excite me. I pretty much just say forget.let me put you inside me and let's just have sex. We have been to marriage counseling. but it just seems like we are so sexually incompatible I never thought It could be this bad. Yes sex is very important. but I do not believe that is more important than staying married. But it is very frustrating and it not only hurts physically but it hurts emotionally as well. Any input you have it would be greatly appreciated.
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Re: So sexually frustrated it hurts

Postby mf1438 » Thu Sep 27, 2018 2:37 pm

I want to know how to cope with this stuff. My wife is just the opposite of me. Low libido. Does not want to "play" or live out sexual fantasies. No hard sex. No oral sex. We don't even talk about sex because it makes her feel uncomfortable. And I made the mistake, many, many years ago of coming on to a friend of hers, and she is still "salty" about it. It seems like the non-monogamous option is the best one for me. I've got a hall pass" to do stuff online, but not IRL (In Real Life). But the strange thing is I don't even want the complication of sex IRL. I just want the love and affection that comes from an intimate connection. I'm finding other avenues of intimacy, but it's slow and hard to come by. And I wonder if deep friendships can ever replace the missing ingredient from her. It's painful, it's difficult and I'm suffering from shame and guilt. But I just celebrated my 26th wedding anniversary and I still have hope for a brighter future.
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Re: So sexually frustrated it hurts

Postby allenfrank194 » Thu Oct 04, 2018 8:42 pm

I've been coping with this form over 10 years and have reached my limit.

I won't go into all the details as there's no way to give you a full picture without writing a novel.

There's excuse after excuse after rationalization and reason after reason. Of course we all have our moments and times when we want/need more or less, but in the end we all have to recognize that people do not change. If there isn't the mindset, passion and desire then it is highly unlikely it will ever be there.

I've come to accept that my W is a great mom, person, business woman, friend to others and simply gorgeous and sexy, BUT she just doesn't have much of a libido or open mind. When I'm honest with myself I can go back to our dating days and should have seen the signs then. But I didn't.

It doesn't mean she's a bad person, it just means we are not compatible in that way. This has eroded the rest of our relationship because we have no foundation to fall back on when things don't go so well.

This has broken my heart numerous times in the past 10-12 years since we had our son. My self esteem is at bottom - it's affecting my work, business, friendships...just about everything.

At this point too much water has gone under the bridge and I'm making plans to leave. I'm scared out of my mind and worried for our boy, but at 57 I'm too healthy/virile/fun to live an asexual life.

There's no one I can talk with about this.
Married and lonely is not a fun place to be.
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