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Her Low self esteem is destroying our marriage

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Her Low self esteem is destroying our marriage

Postby Slugit22 » Wed Jan 03, 2018 2:29 pm

I hope the title sums up the problem. AK and I met some 12 years ago, and after two years we married but almost immediately things started to go wrong to the point now where it is a field of argument and tears.

It may be wrong but can I give you my view. AK was born in Russia, and although she hasn't been back in fifty years she still feels Russian and speaks the language. Somewhere/sometime before I met her something happened to convince her that the whole world hates Russians. By chance I have an interest in that country, have travelled there, and speak the language a little. So when AK met me I was seen as her knight in shining armour, somebody who was on her side, somebody she could hide behind.

After a truly exciting and satisfying courtship we got married and then everything collapsed. Her " everybody hates Russians " came to the surface - everybody she met was seen as a potential enemy. Slowly our friends drifted away.

I am trying not to be political but it might be an important point. On TV now there is a Russian TV programme which could be considered as propaganda. She watches this day and night and it reinforces her view - it is seen as a friend and support. I could disconnect the TV but this could be seen as censorship or simply reinforcement of her insecuriity.

Now she sees everybody as an enemy including me, and our marriage has degenerated into two strangers living in the same house without communication. I have tried counselling on a number of occasions but they simply ignore any deep underlying problems. So what can I do - divorce and cast her adrift - try to find a solution ? Can anybody help please.
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Re: Her Low self esteem is destroying our marriage

Postby wanlin » Tue Apr 24, 2018 2:08 pm

Maybe go to Russia with her and stay for a while. make some changes and let her know that you love her.
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Re: Her Low self esteem is destroying our marriage

Postby Lilyonthepond » Tue May 08, 2018 4:15 pm

I think it might be kind of her hobby. Have you talked through it with her? Have you reasoned and compared it to another cultures? I think it might be solvable but also It might be not, since she seems to just... like the idea of being the opressed one.

I would advice you to watch some discussions on youtube about victimisation by Ben Shappiro or Jordan Peterson. It may give you needed statements that might change her mind. It's obvious that you love your wife very much. I hope everything goes well.
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