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Is she malingering?

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Is she malingering?

Postby emzangelwings » Sun Apr 22, 2012 3:36 pm

Since I was little I was best friends with this girl called Becky who was always pretty immature and attention seeking. Our general friendship seemed to be based on her moaning and coming to me with problems whilst I always provided the shoulder to cry on and rational advice.

Last July I was diagnosed with severe depression, anxiety and social anxiety and it's pretty much torn up my life. It took me quite a few months to confide in her because she isn't the most understanding of people and she wasn't very understanding at all. In fact when I told her I had depression her exact response was "I'm depressed because my boyfriend's going out with his friend's on Saturday instead of me". And she made me feel back about things such as the fact I couldn't go out on my own or go to crowded places and she pretty much hit back with "well your not the only one with problems" style responses which made me feel worse. After a while of this I had enough we ended up having a row and when I was about to give up on her she told me she'd been diagnosed with severe depression herself.

I gave her the brief of the doubt, thinking she couldn't be cruel enough to make it up seeing what i was going through. But then things didn't add up and she kept changing her story. She started being understanding all of a sudden. She'd told me she'd been diagnosed and then told me she hadn't even been to the doctors yet about it. She kept on moaning about how her mum didn't believe she had the symptoms she claimed to have and later on when I started to doubt her she told me it was her mum that had suggested from her symptoms that she might have depression. Then she started to put on facebook for everyone to see that she didn't think she had depression after all she thought she had anemia. After a while of her constantly changing her story i stopped talking to her. Then the week before my 21st, months after we stopped talking, she sent me a text out the blue saying she'd been to the doctor and he'd told her she did have depression and that she'd had blood tests and it had come back that her depression had caused her to have liver disease. Then she said she was confused because she didn't drink.

I'll admit I'd feel horrible if all this is true but how can I believe her?
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Re: Is she malingering?

Postby CrackedGirl » Sun Apr 22, 2012 5:20 pm

Hi and welcome

It does all sound a bit odd yes, tho it is difficult to say whether she is telling the truth or not. Whether or not she is it does not sound like she is a very good friend to you. I think it might be worth you thinking carefully about what direction you want your relationship to go in. Short of getting her to admit to you if she is lying it is difficult to do anything. I would suggest that given how she has behaved to you in general it is perhaps sensible to keep her at arm's length but I dont know whether or not she is malingering. In my experience I dont know of depression that specifically leads to liver disease (tho depression can cause overdose which can cause liver disease) but that is only my experience and there may well be things that do cause this.

Sorry i cant be of more help

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Re: Is she malingering?

Postby emzangelwings » Sun Apr 22, 2012 6:01 pm

CrackedGirl wrote:Hi and welcome

It does all sound a bit odd yes, tho it is difficult to say whether she is telling the truth or not. Whether or not she is it does not sound like she is a very good friend to you. I think it might be worth you thinking carefully about what direction you want your relationship to go in. Short of getting her to admit to you if she is lying it is difficult to do anything. I would suggest that given how she has behaved to you in general it is perhaps sensible to keep her at arm's length but I dont know whether or not she is malingering. In my experience I dont know of depression that specifically leads to liver disease (tho depression can cause overdose which can cause liver disease) but that is only my experience and there may well be things that do cause this.

Sorry i cant be of more help

Cracked


Thank you Cracked Girl. To be honest I don't see myself being friends with her again because she makes me feel so unhappy and the friendships so one sided. But i fear she is turning others against me, which doesn't help with my paranoia, and it's driven me to the point where I'm scared to go back to my own hometown incase everyone's against me.
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Re: Is she malingering?

Postby CrackedGirl » Mon Apr 23, 2012 12:36 pm

That sounds a difficult place for you to be in for sure. Do you think the paranoia is justified or do you think it is illness of your own creeping in? I think that if she is malingering and being dishonest hopefully your friends will be able to see that about her too even if they dont straight away. It certainly does not sound like she is a good friend to you. Do you have other friends who care about you? Perhaps you could also talk to them about this if you do.

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Re: Is she malingering?

Postby emzangelwings » Mon Apr 23, 2012 12:48 pm

CrackedGirl wrote:That sounds a difficult place for you to be in for sure. Do you think the paranoia is justified or do you think it is illness of your own creeping in? I think that if she is malingering and being dishonest hopefully your friends will be able to see that about her too even if they dont straight away. It certainly does not sound like she is a good friend to you. Do you have other friends who care about you? Perhaps you could also talk to them about this if you do.

Cracked


It has crossed my mind that it could be me and my illness making me paranoid but my partner would is of a sane mind sees it as well. And she does have a side where she's extremely selfish, insensitive and puts her needs and feelings before others. Especially with her boyfriend. She's pretty manipulative and comes across as sweet, nice and innocent until you really know her. I'll admit I don't have many friends now. Since the depression the majority of my friends have left me as they don't seem to want to deal with me. It seems to be a pattern that I've helped people and been the rational one but now I need the support most aren't willing to be there for me. The only ones who are ones with depression themselves (and who i'm pretty sure are geniune as i see links between us)
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Re: Is she malingering?

Postby CrackedGirl » Tue Apr 24, 2012 2:14 pm

I am really sorry to hear about you losing your friends. I understand how difficult that is as I have lost a lot of friends due to my MH issues too and I know it is hurtful. Tho you are better off with ppl like that out of your life I think.

I do think taking a step back from this friendship sounds like it might be important for you.

Hugs

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