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my story how cannabis ruined my life..can u relate??

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my story how cannabis ruined my life..can u relate??

Postby gettintherequick » Thu Mar 22, 2012 2:39 pm

Well to most people cannabis is a fun recreational sociable drug...

For others it seriously messes you up. I smoked weed from around 14/15-18 or so ALOT. I had no real issues with it had alot of fun with my mates kicking back etc. Anyway i decided to stop as i had enough of feeling like a zombie all the time i loved sports etc and wanted to get back at it.

I had stopped for a while and ended up smoking a joint randomly one day which set off my first ever panic attack. I had never felt like this, i felt so incredibly high that i felt outside my body, i was so aware of everyone talking but wasnt listening, my forehead felt really weird aswel, i felt in an incredibly aware state and i freaked out so much i had to go buy insane amounts of alcohol to try take this feeling away. Most people relate panic attacks to physical symptoms but mine was mental symptoms that set me off i felt so out of sorts completely not myself, everything i did i was aware of, the things u do subconciously i was doing conciously if that makes sense. Ever since that day i have felt not myself at all, in a constant anxious state that leads to panic attacks regularly.Its incredibly hard for me to jus daydream like other people do, I was convinced i had schitzophrenia or something but i had none of the symptoms, although i felt completely different as a person nearly like i had been dragged out of a normal functioning state were people go about there normal routine blissfully unaware most of the time, to a state of maximal awareness and anxiety like i had suddenly become aware of myself. Very hard to explanin. I slipped into severe depression from feeling so odd and recently pulled myself together and now i am taking positive steps to getting better, dr and awaiting to see psychiatrist. Dr said i ave cannabis induced anxiety but thats crap, something happened to me that day i smoked the joint, not psychosis or schitzophrenia from what i can see i have none of those symptoms, but something severe did happen. I now study law and have a georgeous little daughter so trying to keep focused and positive. No1 except my girlfriend and dr know i have these syptoms. I went through phases of feeling better and normal then the feelings would all build up on me again and the anxiety and panic depression would all hit me again these phases last months. Its been about 5 years since the incident.

I suppose i want to warn others of what can happen and maybe someone can relate to my story and shed some light on what might be going on with me?? As i said i dont hear or see things or any of that. i just feel terrified constantly and its to do with whatever happened that day..

Anyway thats the craic so far maybe the psychiatrist will shed some light on the subject for me
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Re: my story how cannabis ruined my life..can u relate??

Postby santorini » Thu Mar 22, 2012 8:34 pm

Hey :)

I also started using drugs when I was 14 - recreationally, completely stopped just before my 18th b-day and have never taken anything since. I didn't care too much for weed, but I loved psych pills :)

In Grade 10 I had a pill induced brief psychosis - namely auditory hallucination. It only lasted for maybe 5 minutes and it was scary. I was scared for days following the incident but I accepted it as something that happens...I eventually got my act together and it didn't happen again. I did, however, develop a GAD when I was 20 (lasted for 4 full years and was lingering around for 1 more) and I still wonder if some of it can be attributed to late effects of my drug use. I don't know. Possibly.

As for how you initially felt...... well, I would have enjoyed it, lol :) I love (mild) depersonalizations, and I don't think that in itself was too bad, but you got scared most likely b/c of the strength of it and it triggered your panic attacks and anxiety. I don't think that what your Dr is telling you is crap. In my opinion, he's right. Anxiety can (appear to) start out of nowhere and produce a plethora of symptoms. It is often accompanied by depression which makes it even worse.

Your psychiatrist will talk to you more about it. I would like to reassure you that I strongly believe you may get better. :) I personally would try without meds - if possible..but, that’s just me, therapy will be your and your Dr's decision. Please try to live a positive, healthy life. Anxiety is not debilitating and it does allow return to normal activities ...laugh, eat healthy, swim and, most importantly, relax...whether it be through music, nature, praying/meditation, planning. Find something that soothes your mind. For me that was love.

Warm hugs.
"For years, I'd preached the benefits of self-expression but my tonic since childhood had been isolation."
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Re: my story how cannabis ruined my life..can u relate??

Postby Grey Kameleon » Thu Mar 22, 2012 9:55 pm

SWIM had the same problems with it, although I wouldn't say that Cannabis was the drug that ruined SWIM's life. There were some other drugs that did that. Strangely, they were legal drugs, at least technically legal. The panic caused by THC was comparatively mild and went away quickly with alcohol. I wouldn't touch the stuff, though. I disagree with people who say it's harmless or a miracle drug, because while it's safe for most people and useful in medicine, you have to trust your own experiences, and a lot of people have bad ones.

I don't want to scare you, but some of the experiences you describe sound like they might be things that were already there, but were subconscious. Marijuana is fairly light on the brain, but it can exacerbate pre-existing symptoms and bring stuff to the surface that you might not have been aware of.
In addition to seeing a psychiatrist and focusing entirely on the individual symptoms, you might consider finding a sympathetic psychologist who can help you understand what you describe enigmatically as "subconscious things being done consciously." That sounds a lot like there's some repressed mental content that might catch up with you later (although not necessarily in a form as severe as schizophrenia).
Philo wrote:You might be good material for therapy.
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Re: my story how cannabis ruined my life..can u relate??

Postby Briri » Thu Mar 22, 2012 10:06 pm

I can relate. I used marijuana on and off from the ages of 17-19. I had no problem with it until one night it caused me a severe panic attack. Ever since that incident, I wasn't the same for a while and I would get panic attacks. However, as opposed to being hyper-aware like you, I felt more detatched. Eveything felt fake like it was a movie, or as if I were seeing my life through someone else's eyes. It was very bizarre.

When did this incident happen to you? If it was recent, maybe once you have it out of your system, you will start to feel better. I started to feel better after several months. I'm sure the cannabis was out of my system long before I started to feel better, but maybe the anxiety and derealization was brought on by being traumatized by the event? Having a severe panic attack out of the blue might do that to you.
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Re: my story how cannabis ruined my life..can u relate??

Postby saudades » Sun Jul 29, 2018 9:57 pm

hello,

i can totally relate. completely. about ten years ago, i smoked weed (that i now know was super potent), and it ruined me for a good few years. when i was high, i thought i was going insane, had horrible tactile sensations, basically begged people to take me to the ER. i was pulling my hair out. i was outside of my body. it was awful. i was stuck in a state of derealization for a very long time - struggling with intense existential anxieties and the fear that i was not real OR that i was slowly going crazy. was on and off many drugs - antipsychotics and SSRIs. i still get these same feelings but intermittently. i think therapy and some anxiety meds really helped. can't stress the therapy. we talked about all of the bizarre feelings of being unreal, of going crazy. she really helped me.

it's so funny that i stumbled upon this today. i was just approved for medicinal marijuana in my state. i can tell you right now, I NEVER THOUGHT I'D EVER TOUCH MARIJUANA EVER AGAIN. it was the single most traumatic event of my life - i would go as far as saying more traumatic than my dad's death and also an abusive relationship i was in. i felt that it really kickstarted the dissociation that my anxiety now has every now and then.

i had no idea the many, many strains of weed, the differences between CBD/THC levels, etc. i am not an advocate yet as i just started. my goal is to be off of meds for pain/nerve pain, depression, and anxiety-related issues (panic, OCD). but i just "vaped" for the first time since that event, and i honestly felt that it melted away some of my anxiety, so i am hopeful even though part of me believes i'll never fully be off of anti-anxiety meds.

anyway - please hang in there. i swear to you, i have had this experience. and i felt like my life was over. i literally stumbled upon this post somehow while googling something else and made this account to reassure you.
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Re: my story how cannabis ruined my life..can u relate??

Postby star dust » Sun Sep 16, 2018 9:47 am

Hey,

I can relate a lot. I smoked weed from aged 13 then stopped other than the occasional joint. Few years ago I hadn’t had any for quite a while so no tolerance whatsoever again. Smoked a REALLY strong joint.
Had immense mental and physical panic. Had a truly horrendous experience like what you would experience on a bad acid trip or something. Swore I’d never smoke it again. Well I did.
Ended up smoking incredibly strong stuff in incredibly large amounts every day for about 1.5 years. I’m not sure how long.
It’s only recently I truly realised the sheer amount I was smoking as I had a joint of similar strength stuff, slightly weaker than what I had been smoking, only had the tiniest bit and I was completely out of it.
With me, it still varies. I can have both good and bad experiences on weed. But I also wonder whether it’s weed that has contributed to changing my brain for the worst. I definitely experience an extreme heightened awareness now than can lead to paranoia. Just in general. Without smoking. No visual or auditory hallucinations though.

I put it down to my state of mind. I think you have to allow it to give you what it wants to give you. And if you’re not ready to handle it you shouldn’t do it.
I think it can expand your mind and if you’re not ready for that level of expanded awareness it can end up driving you nuts.
I’m still undecided on whether it is good or bad. I have some here and it’s screaming my name and I can’t decide whether smoking it will be a good idea or whether it’s going to make me worse.

I still panic sometimes. Sometimes I get horrible what feels like ‘insights’ into things and it really messes me up.
I think it can be a good thing. I also think it can be bad. I really think it depends on state of mind and your consciousness and if there’s anything in your mind that’s bothering you on an unconscious level, or is vulnerable, it’s going to reveal that to you and bring it to the forefront of your mind and possibly cause you problems if you’re not ready for it.

I think it can change the brain in negative ways. Most definitely. I also think it can be positive....
Weed is much much stronger these days than it ever has been before and I think that ties in.
I think your body and mind has to be ready for the amount you’re going to use else it can cause horrible side effects, potentially long term if it wakes up a part of your brain that you weren’t ready for. Hence why many people if they’re not used to it, have terrible experiences.

I may just be talking crap but, I believe that has something to do with it. I think it latches on to whatever is underlying in the mind so you have to be careful.
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Re: my story how cannabis ruined my life..can u relate??

Postby star dust » Sun Sep 16, 2018 10:01 am

OR... is the reason so many of us experience panic all of a sudden because it wakes the mind up.
We suddenly have awareness of the true horror of the state of affairs in the world. The evil that is out there. We’re awoken from our brainwashed state. And it is too much for us to handle. So we panic.

And because what we now know deep inside our mind is so horrifying it has a long term effect on us....
with some of us, it could cause depersonalisation etc because it’s the mind’s response to the trauma of being pulled out of that sleepy brainwashed state and it’s so much for us to handle so quickly that the mind tries to desensitise us to it in order to survive, much like any other kind of trauma...

Lol yea see how nuts I am.

Don’t do cannabis kids.
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