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Open Discussions about how Mental Illness affects your life.
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Postby psykoticagirl » Sun Mar 06, 2005 3:13 pm

That is how i feel,nobody else is like me.When is bed time i start thinking about humanity and death,i start having a fear,i look back at how pathetic humanity is to have caused such dramatic things in our past such as the holocaust,i start thinking about everything and ask myself why dont i know who i am,where we come from,and how can anyone live when they know theyre gana die and they have no clue what is going to happen to them.Im also antisocial and i have no friends,there is no one like me out there.
I NEED HELP and it seems like everyone doesnt care..i want a life but i dont know how to get one!!
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Postby jims » Mon Mar 07, 2005 4:23 pm

I can relate to how you guys think and feel. I have been there. I'm still there most of the time, but in a mild degree.

I do not beat on myself for having stange thoughts. What really counts is how I act--what I do and not do. I try to take care of myself and my responsibilities each day, not matter what I am thinking or feeling. I have learned that I can brush my teeth even if have a lot of hate in my heart at the time.

I find if I keep busy the thoughts are not as bad. I allow the thoughts to be in my head. If I do not pay a lot of atention to them they go away. My thoughts may be strange because I read a lot, watch many horror movies, and do a lot of thinking in general.

I can get very negative at times--especially when I watch the news or read the newspaper. However, I try to think of some of the good people I have known. I think of the many good people who post on this web site. Many people are bad and do bad things, but there are some good people out there. My friends told me to keep the focus on myself. They said that I can't control other people or the world. All I can do is work on myself. I've found that working on myself keeps me pretty darn busy.

I would suggest you keep sharing on this forum a little bit at a time. Also, follow some of these posts to see how people are trying to help each other. Us guys on this board are not professionals, we are just trying to share our experience, strength, and hope. The more I try to help others, the better I feel.
Good Luck,
Jim S
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Postby jims » Mon Mar 21, 2005 8:29 pm

I can relate to pretty much everything you wrote about. However, my worries and thoughts do not bother me much. I realize that everyone has random thoughts about things. I've heard a numbeer of times that the average person thinks about sex at least 6 times each hour. Speakers have said that if they talk longer than 10 minutes or so that the audience is mostly into sexual daydreams. Our brains are just wired that way. We are just like animals biologically, but our culture trains us to control ourselves. So, I have my dirty, nasty thoughts--but I do not worry that much about them. Everyone's mind jumps around from idea to idea. Just about every few minutes I think about sex, about food, about work, about God, about people, about the universe, etc. I just do not act on all my ideas. I know that I can control myself because I controlled myself yesterday and the day before. Actually, I have not done anything that would send me to jail for a long time--since I quit drinking. Have you done things lately that might send you to prison if you were caught?

When I read your messages, I wonder if have time to do much other than worry. I keep myself physically busy a lot, that takes care of a lot of my random thoughts. I have certain things I do each day: write in a journal, read the bible, exercise, read, chores. I'm learning to balance myself by standing on one of those big balance balls. Many things that I do force me to concentrate on the moment--like standing on the ball--that stops my worry machine from working. I do judo once each week. When I'm doing judo, my thoughts can't wonder around because I could be injured real quick. What I'm trying to say is that if you can get some sort of hobby that would force you to concentrate then maybe you would not be worrying all the time. Some day I would like to learn to play a keyboard. I like to always be learning. I think my mind easily gets bored and turns to worry and other ugly thoughts if I am not using it for something good.
Good Luck,
Jim S
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Postby hav0k » Tue Mar 29, 2005 10:28 am

i'm responding to the first post... i just skimmed through the others.
i can totally relate to the chaos..
you're not alone.
ph03n1x 1n tra1n1ng
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yo

Postby jimbo » Sun Apr 24, 2005 7:00 am

yeah man, I can totally see where you are coming from with your deep desire to become somebody great but all of these things are getting in your way! It is the worst part, in my opinion. You know you have so much potential and if you could only get your mind under control then you would be bound for greatness. But the truth is, we are who we are. We cannot change that just by wanting it to happen. We have to take action and if we fail, we have to accept that. It sounds though like you might have panic disorder and/or Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD). This is a feeling of a free-floating anxiety that has no real attachment to any event. I definitely have both of these and it causes me great distress and discomfort. I've been this way for about 5 years now and I am just beginning to NOT beat myself up over EVERYTHING that I do or say. I haven't even started working on controlling panicky, negative thoughts. I have spent all of my time just keeping myself from responding so negatively toward them. Before I would just have constant thoughts about how horrible I was or how I didn't deserve to have any respect for myself. I suppose I am still in the process of countering these many faulty beliefs. But what it comes down to a lot of times is just allowing those thoughts to enter your mind but at the same time telling yourself that: A) they are not real and B) You don't need to believe them and/or criticize yourself for having them. By the way, if you have social anxiety disorder the best way to help out with that is to go see a therapist or purchase an anxiety/phobia book and DO THE EXCERSIZES. I don't always do them myself but believe me, they can definitely change the way you think about things, and that is what is important. That YOU think differently.
If you lose one leg, hop. If you lose both legs, crawl.
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Postby Pancake » Sun Apr 24, 2005 3:11 pm

i can relate also, i have really sweaty hands and i also get people telling me its gross :( and they get really cold(idk?)...i have some symtpoms of OCD (hit hand on desk, have to hit other hand to feel "balanced") and i have really bad anxiety like you but i take an event that actually happened, nothing big like someone making a comment, and that usually twists around into them wanting to kill me or something and ill think about these things for an hour or sometimes longer, it takes me an hour on a good night to fall asleep, if im having a really bad night it can take me up to 3 hours, it also sucks for me taking a long time to get to sleep because its the only time i hear voices (diagnosed with SZ) :( simply telling yourself they are not real doesn't work for me, i believe some of the things will happen especially in my dreams...in my dream the other night my girlfriend broke up with me, i woke up and got really upset to the point of crying and i was thinking about everything that happend and realized after a while that it was a dream
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