Children Who Grew Up in Bars

I was a kid who grew up in a bar. It was the family business, owned by my parents. The bar was attached to the house and I lived there from birth to the time I left for college.

Now, decades later, I feel depressed and unhappy. I feel unsatisfied with my career and most of my social relationships. To use a figure of speech, my life is going nowhere. Looking back, I don't think my life ever went anywhere to begin with. I've thought about this for years and I feel pretty confident that one of the major root causes comes from my upbringing in a saloon.

This is something that I want to talk about but have never found anybody who understands. I've been to, probably, six or eight therapists since I was in my mid-twenties. None of them ever seemed to understand. They always focus on alcoholism or substance abuse but never the real problem: Abhorrent behavior, normalized.

Yes, I understand about alcohol and alcoholism. I've had problems with drinking but let's just say that me and Ol' John Barleycorn see things eye to eye and leave it at that.

Everybody I have ever tried to talk to has had romantic ideas what bars are like. They think bars are like what they see on TV shows like "Cheers" or in movies like "The Tender Bar." Sorry, folks! I call BS! My life, growing up, was NOTHING like those stories!

I can tell you the real stories. Some of them are funny or poignant like you see in TV or movies but a lot of them would be real down and dirty stuff like seeing your father in a bar fight. I don't want to tell those stories, right now. Maybe later. Maybe I could write a book but it would have to be classified as fiction because nobody would believe they are really true.

Is there anybody out there who has grown up in a bar or saloon? I can't remember ever having a meaningful conversation with anybody, not even a therapist.

(Apologies if this is the wrong forum section. Mods, please move this topic to a more appropriate place if necessary.)

I have no doubt that it was not as rosy as what people see in movies or on TV. And I imagine that you've seen and heard far more than you really should have. I had a grandparent whose parents owned what was essentially a bar establishment for a time- her older sister described it as being really quite scary. I work in the alcohol industry now and have had to deal with drunk patrons- not everyone's a "happy drunk".

Skyway65 wrote:This is something that I want to talk about but have never found anybody who understands. I've been to, probably, six or eight therapists since I was in my mid-twenties. None of them ever seemed to understand. They always focus on alcoholism or substance abuse but never the real problem: Abhorrent behavior, normalized.

I've been through a lot of therapists to find the right ones to help me. I met a lot that had no idea what they were doing and really actually did more damage. As much as starting again with someone new is horrible, I'd really encourage you to try searching for another. I found someone who specialises in trauma, and it's made huge difference to my progress- I didn't realise just how much I was carrying with me. Or how much things that other therapists had dismissed as "not important" were still affecting me years later.