on my own and i can't see all the people in my life

hi all im female 45 and i live in the UK. i have schizo-affective disorder. i am worried about a problem i have now where i can't see all my friends and family for years now and im on my own in my life with no job now and i can't see all my friends and family for years now. i don't know why? i can't see my friends rob and zack for years now i just talk to them on the phone! they live near me though! i can't see my brother ash now too. my brother ash is married with children and a job now. i haven't even met my brother ash's family yet and i think this is weird now and he does live near me now. so i can't see my friends and my brother for years now. i don't know why? my mum died when i was 13 before and i don't like my dad now as he wouldn't let me have boyfriends before. so i don't want to talk to my dad much now or see my dad now anyway. i had a boyfriend joe i was with him for 3 years and he broke up with me and we were just friends. i was happy and alright talking to joe on the phone for years. now joe moved and i don't have his address now and hes stopped talking to me on the phone and suddenly cut me off on the phone and changed his phone number now. so i don't have joes address and phone number now. i still love joe and im so upset losing him now. all i want is to talk to joe again and joe back again now. its been about another year about it now and its still now better about it yet! so im on my own in my life with no job now and i can't see all my friends and family for years now and i don't know why? ive lost the man i love joe now too and im so upset about that now. i get voices with my mental illness and thats starting to stop more now. ive been on my own for years now and i can't bear being on my own anymore now. something controls me with my mental illness now too. i think maybe thats why i can't see rob and zack for and ive lost joe that now too. and i couldn't see the psychologist at my flat before because something controls me with my mental illness now too. im worried about this now too as i think thats how ive lost joe now too. i have other problems at the moment too. i have a sleeping problem and i keep staying up all night alot now too and sleeping at all different times ive got bad sleeping patterns now and its hard to sort that out now and i have reading problem now too. im on m own in my life suffering with my mental illness now. i have a nurse but shes not very good at the moment and she don't help about it at the moment. i don't know what to do now? all i can think of to do now is therapy or counselling or a psychologist to help at the moment but i might have to pay for that at the moment. i just want to see my friends and my brother and joe back again at the moment i can't stand being on my own like this anymore now. im so bored and lonely on my own in my flat now and i don't go out much now and just stay at home in my flat on my own everyday now. if you can help about this now please or any advice or suggestions about this now please? thanks sparkle78

Welcome to the forum. I can relate on the isolation. Part of it was self-imposed exile from some sense of shame. I don't know why I was ashamed. That chapter in my life is over-with now anyway.
It is important to ask for what you need. How else would others know?
I was full of pain inside and felt very alone with it. Alcohol may have helped at first, but then it turned against me and let me down. Maybe alcohol never was my friend.

If you are close to Ash, maybe you could arrange a visit on the weekend or holiday when he isn't working?

See if the nurse can suggest a 12-step or church gathering? Change is difficult, I know. I had to break out and be with others. We are social creatures. We might know our own pain. We can't see the pain in others until we find out who they are.
Best of luck to you.

It can be difficult to navigate life on your own, but there are resources available to help you connect with others and build a support system. You can reach out to friends and family, join a club or organization, or seek help from a therapist or counselor. Remember that you are not alone and there are people who care about you and want to help.

Hi, Sparkle:

Sparkle78 wrote:hi all im female 45 and i live in the UK. i have schizo-affective disorder. [..] i have reading problem now too. [..] if you can help about this now please or any advice or suggestions about this now please? thanks

I'm in the UK too - born in '72 tho. I was moved by your having problems reading. Can you explain a bit more about that?

I'd be absolutely devastated if my lousy eyesight deteriorated so I couldn't enjoy books any more. Hang-in there, ma'am. -HOC

Heya

Do they have any good groups locally for you? Like just wellbeing or mental health social groups? If you search it online, maybe they will exist. They can be a bit stressful to attend the first meetings, but it can help you make friends. It can be a relief to be around other people who are schizo-effective and who actually understand what you have to deal with.
Groups like that, they can be a great reason to get out of the house, and to sleep better so that you wake up on time. Maybe that sounds silly, but for me personally it is helpful sometimes.

Always remember, you are not completely alone, there are lots of us like this, and we feel the same difficulty interacting with our families and other people. And it always can be helped, even if it feels really annoying and bad. We can feel very isolated in society, but really, there are a lot of us.

Family stuff is complicated, I'm sorry it is making you feel bad. When our family is not well educated about schizphrenia and psychosis, it can be a lot of work for us.

Definitely it sounds as though loneliness is a big thing for you, that is natural with this condition, not a problem about you yourself, so don't worry. Maybe if you talk on this forum, you can see replies from people who also understand, and other places online too.

Definitely though I would say ask your pesky nurse to try and help you find some social groups!

hi. thanks for your replies!
since i put the post above sandra joe's nurse said joe is dead now and he died a couple of years ago in 2021 now and joe died choking on toast before. i don't know whether i believe this now or not? ive been sending joe and sandra letters for a couple of years now for joe to text me again and sandra didn't tell me about this before for? she tells me about it now for? and i don't think joe had toast much before. maybe joe told sandra his nurse to tell me he is dead now because he doesn't want to talk to me anymore now? i told my friend about it and he said he will help find joe's grave now. if i see joe's grave now then i might believe hes dead now. so this is bad news at the moment. its sad about it. if joe is dead now then hes not coming back now maybe. im upset about this now.
yes social groups for mental illness is a good idea at the moment thanks for that. im seeing the occupational therapist soon about groups to do for mental illness like social groups drop-ins art groups and walking groups soon maybe so that will help now and i can go to these groups and i might make new friends. i might try getting a voluntary job at the moment too. i want counselling therapy or a psychologist to help now but i might have to pay for that now.
my reading problem now is not because of my eyesight. its because of my voices i think. my voices is the same voice i read with now so i think thats how i got the reading problem now. i can read books sometimes still and magazines still now so thats good.
ive still got the same problems i posted about above now still. and also i keep waking up feeling bad from sleep now i don't know if its something im dreaming about now? i don't remember my dreams when i wake up now though? and i wake up feeling bad from sleep then i feel bad for hours after that still ive had that for awhile now too. i go up and down with my mental illness at the moment.