Attachment disorder

Hi

I have developed an attachment to my best friend who is now in a new relationship.

I am struggling with accepting him as I feel he is taking up all of her time and I am constantly fighting for her attention.

I message her constantly now and have to be in constant contact with her and if i dont hear from her i freak out thinking that she is abandoning me, If i dont get the reply i was hoping for i get depressed.

I am terrified of losing her and our friendship as she is a very supportive friend.

I dont want to be sitting and staring at my phone on xmas day waiting for her to message me and i hate having this unsettled feeling in my belly.



Please, how can i end this attachment quickly and go back to being a normal friend?



Please help me!

Hello, and welcome!

Not sure this was suitable for the original destination of generalised anxiety- we'll place it here in Living With Mental Illness for the time being, unless we can think of a more appropriate forum.

Are you saying a female friend of yours has a new boyfriend and they are spending a lot of time together, to the point where she cannot maintain the relationship she had with you before she met him?

It's always been my opinion that when someone finds someone to date their friends should take a back seat to the new relationship. Those friends should be happy that they have potentially found a new love in their life. But again, that is my opinion and people feel differently about these things.

It seems like you are aware that your need for your friend's attention has gone beyond normal needs. Saying she has been a "very supportive friend" and your fear of losing that kind of support makes me feel she has become a pillar of the kind that is unhealthy. Thus you are now feeling like losing that constant attention could break you.

Is there anyone you can talk to in real life? This kind of insecurity could benefit from therapy. You need tools to help you detach from people close to you - because people have their own lives. Therapy will also help develop skills to stand on your own and avoid this kind of attachment.

I wish there was a quick fix for you. Try to occupy your time, and divert your attention. Avoid "sitting and watching the phone" in idle mode.

Good luck, I am sorry this is happening.

Thank you so much for your reply.
I see my psychologist after the new year so I am hoping for a good outcome.
The attachment itself seems to have dwindled a bit on its own so im very thankful for that.

Thanks again

Good to hear, on both counts. I am well aware of these feelings and it can be hard. Good luck in the new year!