on my own and i can't see all the people in my life

hi all, i'm a female 43 i live in the UK. i have mental illness schizo-affective disorder. i live on my own in my own flat and i don't have a job. i have a problem for about the past 3 and a half years i can't see all my friends and family. im on my own in my life. my mum died of breast cancer when i was 13 before. i don't have much family now just a dad and 2 brothers. i don't like my dad now because he won't let me have boyfriends. i don't want to speak to my dad much anymore or see my dad anymore. but i can't see my brother and my friends for years now. i want to see my brother and friends again. i just talk to my friends on the phone now for years and i don't know why i don't meet up with them and see my friends and my brother again. my brother is married and i haven't even met his family yet and he lives near me. i don't like being on my own im scared of being on my own. i don't know why i can't see my brother and friends for years. now this problem has got even worse. i had a boyfriend and then he broke up with me and we were just friends now. his name is Joe. i still love joe i still really like him now joe has stopped talking to me on the phone he has moved and i don't have his address now and now hes changed his phone number and just cut me off on the phone. im so upset about this and i still love joe. now im even more on my own and i don't even want to wake up from sleep at the moment. i can't see all the people in my life now joe has stopped talking to me on the phone too. this is so hard at the moment and im worried about this at the moment. now joe has stopped talking to me on the phone too i don't know what to do now. i tried talking to the psychologist a bit before and some telephone counselling before it hasn't really helped. my nurse is off sick now and i can't see the doctor and psychologist again for another month or two months now and i don't know what to do im so worried about this problem now on my own in my life now. i think its hard living on my own with no job now. i have other problems at the moment as well like a reading and sleeping problem too and i suffer with my mental illness on my own now too. also i keep waking up feeling bad from sleep at the moment now i don't know if its something im dreaming about? please can you help about this at the moment and give any advice or suggestions about it at the moment please. thanks a lot sparkle 78

Well first of all- hang in there! Things always look bleak when we're inside them. But.. I've found thing often ease up a bit.

Sparkle78 wrote: i don't like my dad now because he won't let me have boyfriends.

'Let'? Mental illness or not, you're a grown woman. Unless he's got you under lock and key I don't know about this 'let' business. Don't let him discourage you.

You write about how I feel when I'm really short on rest, and really anxious. Please try and rest- try and go to bed at a decent time and put the devices down- or if, like me, sometimes your mind gets racing, think about putting on something you've watched a thousand times but aren't so emotionally invested in you have to watch it- just listen to the audio to keep your thoughts from getting away from you. That helps me sleep when I'm in a really bad headspace.

I know it can be scary being on your own. I'm partnered for nearly a couple decades, now, and I notice I am much more anxious when out alone, than I used to be. But I make myself do things, anyway. It's absurd I should be anxious over being out by myself when 20 years ago I thought much less of it. And in a time I didn't have a cell phone, too.

But baby steps. Try getting out close to the house a short while. Try.. seeing that brother near you, if you can. You have to start somewhere. I'm OCD, and with OCD I get in these mental repetitive circles and I have to break the loop by doing something out of my comfort zone. Once I manage to do that, then things get easier to deal with. I feel as if that's what you have to do, here. Try and get outside a little.