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Why did I jump into the cold stream with my clothing on?!

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Why did I jump into the cold stream with my clothing on?!

Postby Elian1 » Tue Oct 20, 2020 2:50 pm

I always had these little quarks that I would always do for the heck of it. I have a certain road that I don't drive on(and close my eyes when someone else drives me on it), a playlist of songs I can't listen to, I even made some art that I won't allow myself to view.

I would make these from odd episodes I'd get. Where I was act impulsive. I would twitch and fall over, I also would always go near water for whatever reason, whether go out in house with all my clothing on randomly and get completely wet, take a shower with the light off and the door open, with my clothing on, or recently jump into a stream completely with my clothing jacket and phone on. I usually did this was listening to music, those songs I compiled into a playlist of songs I can't listen to unless I am having these episodes. I wouldn't drive near those places I acted like that unless I was having these episodes. Even certain phrases would upset me. Or whenever I saw something that had to do with black berries I avoided it a lot.

I always though this was me just being dramatic and theatrical or something but the other night it went too far. I always thought it was me being able to choose whether I do these things but the other night it was like I was no longer in control. Well, idk. Hard to explain.

I was super stress because nobody was paying attention to me, I was literally so invisible that I was paranoid. So I started acting odd, and I knew it was coming on. I fumbled with things and mumbled curses because it was happening again. I couldn't talk very well so I decided to go on a walk and listen to music. I did. I walked down to the stream and jumped into it. It was cold but it all felt so vivid and surreal.

I am beginning to worry that this is something that could get worse and worse and I can't control it. It sounds kind of like some kind of OCD. But I don't know what OCD even is.
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Re: Why did I jump into the cold stream with my clothing on?!

Postby thegentlepath » Wed Oct 21, 2020 2:41 pm

Hi Elian1,

Is there a trustworthy adult person in your life you can confide in? Maybe a school counselor? Sometimes it helps a lot just to speak to someone in real life that may have some perspective. It’s worth a shot. Good luck.
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