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I feel so lost, why is that?

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I feel so lost, why is that?

Postby Blaport » Thu Aug 13, 2020 10:28 am

I know I need to seek out professional help in this point in my life because I feel lost, I have already experienced bad thoughts of wanting to stop the emotional and psychological pain and cease to exist altogether. I could barely soothe the agony I was experiencing, and I suffer from anxiety and depression – an ongoing condition for practically ever since adolescence to varying degrees. The trigger was a rejection from someone I like very much and still do. It hit me so hard because we slept together hugged and cuddled and I realized I want that feeling so much in my life right now. I want to wake up every day clutched around his arms. I am addicted to this feeling so much, that I am constantly on a quest for satiating this craving and longing for physical intimacy. I cannot fathom the reasons for this deep excruciating agony whenever I feel romantically rejected. I lack self-confidence, self-love, and motivation. I am sitting in my home for almost 2 years escaping for myself and from reality at my parent's home. I do not work, and I have no prospects and I have zero responsibilities for my life, and I feel inadequate and lost. I am an intelligent guy and possibly I am conscious of this pattern. I am stuck in a loop and I lack any confidence as to how to act forward and I feel like life has no meaning for me or at all. The only way I feel truly blessed and happy, if only for a little, is in the arms of another person. There I feel somewhat calm and safe – knowing that someone loves me and can fill the void of unhappiness in my life. This is such a victim approach to life that is so innate to me and I lack the courage to change it because I feel that if I do I wouldn't be able to withstand the anxiety and the overwhelming feelings that come with that. This fear is so paralyzing. Above all that I cannot decide what do I want to do in life – it is so hard. How can I untangle all this problem? Why can't I just decide and accept a decision? I am stuck in a fantasy world where I feel spiritually elated – whenever I hear music or stay in nature. But then I wake up to the reality which is grey and frustrating for me and requires dealing with a lot of frustration, of which I feel incapable to deal with. My mind is cluttered, and I do not know how to at further.
Blaport
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