First Post - not sure where it should go ....

Hello to all.

I'll try to summarise my feelings as quickly as possible, so as not to bore people - but guess first off I am looking for help in knowing which 'forum' (slot, category, label) I should post to and fit in.

I'm 67 - from the age of 16 I have always had a 'goal' of some sort - went to colleges for different qualifications;; always wanting to learn; discovered computers in 1973 and wanted to learn and develop; started my own software business in 1982; always busy - always had either customer work or my own ideas for developing something. Very much a 'control freak'.

Although married twice and have 3 sons, have never really been a 'family man'; work always took priority. Some friends say i have OCD; some say I must be slightly autistic; but I've never been to look into this.

10 years ago - sold the business, but continued to develop things and help old clients. Most of my 'days' are spent sat in front of a computer - occasionally play a bit of golf but that's about it.

Now reached a point where not much work to do - and I am starting to wonder - 'What's it all about'. The Corona isolation probably doesn't help much - but even if I wasn't isolated I'd be sat here wondering what to do.

No enthusiasm for anything. Wondering where it's all going ... can't motivate myself for anything....

...am I done ?


Phil

Dear Phil,

You could say you're 'done', but I don't see that as a bad thing!
You completed your studies, started a business and a family, and while you where doing that, you felt you had goals, so you had drive.
Now, you lack a goal or drive beacuse you have nothing left to prove.
That's called resting on your merits, my friend!
To many people, your life would pretty much be the American Dream...

If you want a challenge to stimulate you, but can't find one in your own life, perhaps you can do what I did; find fulfilment in helping others.
For someone with your capabilities, it is fairly easy to improve the lives of people who can't help themselves.
I found contentment in caring for the elderly, but maybe you could set up an on-line service to help out people who struggle with issues you find easy to deal with.
Please don't think you have reached the end of the line.
Realize you are at a point where your choices are limitless...

Love, Johei

Johei

Thank you for those encouraging words. I have done a little bit of volunteering at the local library, helping people with IT - and did find it a great buzz - so maybe i'll extend this to a wider audience.

Possibly one of the reasons I haven't done more is because I didn't want to fix my times and commitment to specific days. Having always been flexible in what I what I could do, I feel if people were reliant on me for specific days & times I wouldn't want to let them down. But then again - nothing else to do so why not.

Thanks again - I will open my eyes to opportunities.

Phil

You're welcome, brother...

Hey Phil,

I've been looking for a site like this and your post was one of the first that I saw. I was also a software developer but got burned out and fell out of it about 10 years ago. Well except for 2 months a couple of years ago trying to get back into it with a local company. It didn't take long to encounter the bad people (and I'm being nice) that always ruin a job and I got out for good.

I think most intelligent people come to a point in their lives when they wonder things like what's it all for, why are we here...or even... what's the point The stupid people or simple people are lucky on one hand because they can't think past the end of their nose. I think less intelligent, simple people tend to be happier. When you have the ability and intelligence to do a lot of things or great things you feel compelled, on some level to try to do them. It is frustrating when you don't know what those things are though. So you have to search for them. That's kind of what I am doing now, and what has lead me to a forum like this.

I started out in psychology and did music, electrical engineering, Hollywood and the movie business, programming, learning a number of spoken languages, and some teaching. I still have so many things I want to do or get into that I can't imagine ever being bored. BUT.... I'm finding when you have too much time on your hands and more importantly, when you don't HAVE to do anything, you can get lost, unmotivated and stuck in a rut. That's my issue now.

Some of what you are describing sounds like depression or dysthymia. I have been through both but I discovered how to keep them away. In the movie "City Slickers" with Billy Crystal and Jack Palance, Crystal's character was talking to Curly (Palance) about this exact thing, namely the meaning of life. Curly, an old crusty cowboy held up one finger. Crystal asked "The meaning of life is your finger?" Curly smiles and says, "No, the meaning of life is one thing and you have to figure out what that one thing is"

So like so many things in life, sometimes the answer is so simple that we over look it. Sometimes you just have to stop thinking too deeply about something and just grab the bull by the horns and take action. Just do something regardless if you feel like it or not. There are endless things to get interested in. You can learn a language or languages. I started working on 8 spoken languages at the same time. It was amazing! You can learn a musical instrument, write songs, write stories, or write a book. Find volunteer work to help people, teach something, take classes, get some cool toys like a boat, ski jet, jet pack or learn to fly. I cold go on and on and on. I think you could too. Sit down and pencil some of this out. This will enable you to generate ideas. It might take a while but if you are actively working on ideas and a plan, that in itself can give you some meaning or potential meaning.

I get like you described at times and I realize sometimes it's just because I am tired like if I didn't sleep well the night before. We are more susceptible to depression and things like that when we are tired. When I get like this other times because I let myself get burned out on the things I am doing, I just have to force myself to do something, usually something easy, and then once I get started I am ok and I keep going. Once you accomplish something and finish something or achieve a goal, it feels great!

You are not done! In no way! But if you keep letting yourself think and feel that way then, by the self-fulfilling prophecy, you will be done. I don't know how true the expression "You are what you eat" is. But it is true that you are what you think or what you think about most. So at all cost, get control of your thoughts. Your feelings come from your thoughts and you control your thoughts. Therefore, you control your feelings.

I hope this helps.... I think I feel better now... lol

Hi there 'Findingtheway' ...(not sure of your name).

Thank you so much for your reply, it resonated with me so much that I almost had tears in my eyes.

I completely agree with your comment, "...the stupid people or simple people are lucky on one hand because they can't think past the end of their nose. "...this is something that I have often said. Being intelligent and searching for 'answers' can sometimes be thought of as a blessing and a curse. I know of people in my own extended family who are like this, and in this current 'lockdown' situation seem to go through life without a care in the world, and flaunt the advice - but will come out the other side unscathed.

Your journey seems to be similar to myself, and in fact since I wrote the initial post, I have taken up learning to play the Harmonica, have started a photography project of documenting all properties in the local area where I live, and also started to write my autobiography.

It does help to discuss these feelings with someone else, even if it's in a forum message that you don't know will be read or answered, but I am very glad you did answer and glad that you feel better, as I do.

Phil