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Schizzo diag but almost allgood

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Schizzo diag but almost allgood

Postby Schizzo1990bitpsycho » Sat Feb 15, 2020 8:58 am

Im here writting again i forgot the prev username but anyway
I was seriously affected on the prev entry but this is a new account and also involves a new set for my life
All the dif now, i have a job, as call center agent for a bank, wont specify, also speak with many coworkers and not creepy stuff like before, been paying all my bills and i do a lot of exercise, im studying cisco and im doing well at it, there is good things to point out here.

Im here for 2 things, 1 to adviced the others to keep trying things can only get better if you try. The second is for advice

Some background now, i have schizofrenia but atypical, by the way im out of the us and uk, im latin but i speak english quite well, learning others or at least trying, NOW IN MY CASE I DO LISTEN TO VOICES, but not that often is more like talking to myself but only cuze i tend to do what the voices said, 3 voices by the way but its not the same for all of us, mostly told me to do things to keep me safe, with my most challenging symptom, paraonia, i dont trust anyone im always looking for weapons to attack me on others hands even just walking on the street, so the voices tend to adviced for my safety but on extreme ways, long story short, was about to kill a guy who look at me for a few secs but thats when i was at my worst, im much better now, but then i was at the part of the hospital for dangerous people(im short but strong and i do know how to fight) so there was a point were i was looking at some docs and basically was looking at being declare unable to take decisions and no options, i took my meds try to keep up with life, was very hard for 4 years, was going in and out, of hosp and meds, could not get all symptoms away no matter how many pills, its sort of normal for some symptoms to stay, not all its about brain chemistry, but i got better i made the effort to reduce the pills cuze those got me 0 intention to move, so the best choice i made was just to ignore a few symptoms since those were not going to disappear, so i keep the voices to only when im fully stressed out, im the paranoia only when im surrounded by people which is not very often, so far working well, i wont lie, sometimes i do want to seriously hurt someone, so i just move those intentions to something else, so i punch my sandbag, its a good workout, keeps me in shape releases stress and agression, still theres is just the constant blurred in my eyesight, like some sort of fog, i see the image very clear but its also with the weird blurr, but i can see the full pic and all details, but thats theresome times its nagging, sometimes i dont even notice it, i could say i just got use to it, i wont lie, sometimes i do find myself trying to move the dots with my mind or hands not that it works but its just unavoidable, anyway, besides those symptoms that i sort of keep in the background, there are things i cant find myself to do, which is why im here for some advice

This is for my personal life, the prof is fine the student part too and the family also fine. Its relationship part and new trustful relations that i cant seem to be getting
Im 30, never had a gf, never had sex, never been close to someone that way, maybe cuze of the paraonia but still i try to get more social, i do speak to many people but im stil, unable to trust them, never told any of my coworkers about this part of myself, i dont lie, just dont tell the whole truth, but still i dont see myself giving that info, besides my direct supervisors, cuze a couple of times have to go get meds and some docs help, im atypical so it takes like a year for my symptoms to come back in full

im in a weird spot, i want a relationship, a woman to fully trust, someone to rely on, im a lttle obsesive too so i need to make sure i can trust her, im worried what a bad woman can do if i trust the truth or even get in love with her since im sure ill fullfiled any request, whatever it is, so im a little concerned for the request ill get but i might be too paranoic, still i have trust issues so i write here. Noone will know me but i can write anything and be fully honest so i am

Any adviced on this ill be happy to read it, im not sure what to do next.
Schizzo1990bitpsycho
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