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How do you reply to "How are you?" when you're not okay?

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How do you reply to "How are you?" when you're not okay?

Postby Cherryblossom7968 » Sat Feb 01, 2020 4:53 am

You know, when it's just a casual/passing conversation and not a therapy session or deep conversation with a close friend or significant other.
I value honesty and am a bit cynical of the norm to say you're good, yet I very often say "good!" and pretend I am. Sometimes that makes me feel fake... or at least kind of weird that I lied about how I feel. Sometimes I try to be a bit more honest, but usually I don't really want to get too far into it in these situations. Sometimes I say fine in a somewhat weird tone due to not knowing how to answer, which does not quite feel right either lol

Also, I'm kind of socially awkward/anxious, so that might contribute to this not knowing how to respond. :P

Curious to hear how others handle this situation, or any insight on the topic of communicating comfortably about your mental health on a surface-level. Hope to hear your thoughts! :)
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Re: How do you reply to "How are you?" when you're not okay?

Postby Tyler » Sat Feb 01, 2020 11:53 am

I recommend trying to say something else with someone you're comfortable with. Do you talk to and like your parents? If you're mom asks, say, "I'm terrible," or if a friend asks that, say that. That's how I got over it. I used my mom and my boyfriend. Now, I have no problem with it. If I don't want a conversation with someone though, I just say, "Oh, you know, I'm okay, same old same old," and keep walking.

Sometimes little white lies work. :wink:
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Re: How do you reply to "How are you?" when you're not okay?

Postby AArgon » Tue Feb 04, 2020 2:40 pm

I hate when people say that. I just say OK. Once I was so miserable that I said 'miserable".
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Re: How do you reply to "How are you?" when you're not okay?

Postby MakersDozn » Tue Feb 04, 2020 4:09 pm

Q. "How are you?"
A. "Hangin' in."

Provides the required superficial answer without triggering feelings of inauthenticity.

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Re: How do you reply to "How are you?" when you're not okay?

Postby thegentlepath » Tue Feb 04, 2020 9:16 pm

It depends on who’s asking & why. I just say good. I don’t think of it as an actual question, but more of a greeting. I’m not much of a chit chatter though, so maybe I think that way because it keeps the conversation short.
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Re: How do you reply to "How are you?" when you're not okay?

Postby handsomejaack » Sat Feb 08, 2020 11:26 pm

You have to realize its just a passing convo its the lingo not any real concern
people i pass used to be like "hey man u good?", or "how are you man?"
and i used to think "o $#%^ do they know there is something wrong? o $#%^ they are on to me they know im feeling like hurting people today"
(my backstory im bipolar and im narcissist so my "lows" dont make me feel like hurting myself, im a narc and it protects me from wanting to hurt myself...you dont hurt a god right?, so my lows manifest themselves in rage , i have been dealing with it for 40 years so its a suppressed rage, i control it)
anyway i would think holy crap they know.....but over the years i realize they dont know its just a passing phrase, you good man?
yea man just tired today is my response, or yea man just burned out and keep it moving.
most people you meet dont really care how you are really doing they are just saying the phrases not really focusing on you.
just keep it moving, dont think too deep and dont reveal anything abnormal, the key is to "blend in" dont get too deep on it.
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