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Guilt/shame as an adult w support needs

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Guilt/shame as an adult w support needs

Postby catsup » Thu Sep 26, 2019 5:38 pm

I feel a lot of really intense guilt and shame that I'm almost 30, I still live at home, I can't work because of mental illness and autism, and I get disability income support. I isolate myself a lot too, which probably makes things worse, but it feels comfortable and safe.

There's two sides of this experience for me. One side is deep shame, guilt, embarrassment, isolation. I don't want anyone to know, I don't want to bump into people from college, I don't want to meet new people. The other side is a feeling of relief, because I know what it's like to struggle in school, at work, living alone, and how bad it can get. My current situation is the best possible one I could be in, and I try to remind myself of that. It just sucks some days to realize I'll probably be this way the rest of my life.

I guess I'm just wondering if anyone else is like this or relates to me?
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Re: Guilt/shame as an adult w support needs

Postby Disco1 » Fri Sep 27, 2019 9:36 am

im pretty isolated right now through mental illness. years ago i had many friends, a girlfriend, a good job, hobbies and interests.

drug addiction which led to schizophrenia caused me to lose these things. i now live with my parent, im unemployed on disability, have just 1 friend who i rarely see.

but i dont feel guilty and neither should you.

your mental health is the reason you're in the situation you are now.

dont blame yourself.

you dont know you'll be like this for the rest of your life.
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Re: Guilt/shame as an adult w support needs

Postby ShaolinMonk » Sun Oct 06, 2019 3:06 pm

I can't work because of mental illness and autism, and I get disability income support.
....

My current situation is the best possible one I could be in, and I try to remind myself of that.


Acceptance. If you are doing the best you can, accept that.
Each has a different set of cards in life, and we must play them to the best of our ability.

You didn't quit. And that says more than you realize.
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Re: Guilt/shame as an adult w support needs

Postby floatingtree » Mon Oct 07, 2019 9:55 am

Society is pretty bad when you think about it. Kids who are a bit different get treated like crap, and then they grow up to have mental health issues.

If they were treated respectfully, sure they might have some difficulties when they grow up, but at least they wouldn't have crippling shame, guilt, anxiety, phobias and so on.
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Re: Guilt/shame as an adult w support needs

Postby Pariah » Sun Nov 03, 2019 6:02 am

catsup wrote:I feel a lot of really intense guilt and shame that I'm almost 30, I still live at home, I can't work because of mental illness and autism, and I get disability income support. I isolate myself a lot too, which probably makes things worse, but it feels comfortable and safe.

There's two sides of this experience for me. One side is deep shame, guilt, embarrassment, isolation. I don't want anyone to know, I don't want to bump into people from college, I don't want to meet new people. The other side is a feeling of relief, because I know what it's like to struggle in school, at work, living alone, and how bad it can get. My current situation is the best possible one I could be in, and I try to remind myself of that. It just sucks some days to realize I'll probably be this way the rest of my life.

I guess I'm just wondering if anyone else is like this or relates to me?

Sadly I can relate to it totally and I'm 45. My DLA has just stopped and I've been refused PIP despite being in supported accommodation run by an autistic charity for 25 years. I too, feel so ashamed and embarrassed that I've fallen so far behind normal people in terms of adult life experiences that I will never be acceptable as a man, or as a human being and I too, see no choice but to isolate myself from everyone, including family, and I often even feel like a freak around other people with mental problems who have lived a more normal life than me and when people see that you have stuff wrong with you, then you become ostracised from every area of society.

Anyway, hopefully I won't have too much longer as the government here in the UK are hell bent on killing off the sick and the disabled, aided and abetted by a population who aspire to re-shape their society in their elitist interests.
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Re: Guilt/shame as an adult w support needs

Postby floatingtree » Mon Nov 04, 2019 6:56 pm

Some writers have interesting things to say that are related to issues like this. Society tends to blame the individual, but is society itself the problem?

Check out Bruce E. Levine and Johann Hari.

Knowing this stuff is good, but putting it into action can be tricky. At least it's helped me to stop beating myself up.
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