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Distance. Help, please.

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Distance. Help, please.

Postby Norridor » Fri Jun 14, 2019 6:13 am

Hello . I am new here, and made this account for these questions. This may become rather lengthy, and I apologize in advance.

These past two, perhaps three years I have become aware of the concerning state of my mind. For starters, my mind is... cloudy. It's hard to think, everything feels so distant and hard to reach. I've been forgetting more lately. I stutter when I talk and use the wrong words, when I used to be well spoken. But now it's hard to hold a conversation. I never fully grasp what it is I'm doing, or how it'll affect others or myself. I'm constantly tired, both mentally and physically. I have been diagnosed with clinical depression and anxiety. Maladaptive daydreaming is up for debate. Every thing is so distant. I feel like I'm just a spectator watching as my body does it's thing, and I'm only vaguely aware of the collapsing of relationships around me.
What is causing this mental cloud? Is there a way to rid of it? I'm terrified too. But at the same time, I need to. I should myself behind it, but create parinoid thoughts and feelings. In frustrated with my lack of understanding of things, how slow I am.
What can I do? Am I going crazy, or is something wrong with my brain?
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Re: Distance. Help, please.

Postby Snaga » Fri Jun 14, 2019 7:33 am

Hello, and welcome.

For what it's worth, I also sometimes feel as you describe. And it'd be very easy for me, to get panicked over it.

Right now, I'm obsessing over forgetting names of celebrities. And forgetting familiar song lyrics. And typing the wrong word sometimes, instead of the word I meant to use.

You've a Dx for depression and anxiety. From what little reading I have (and I have no formal diagnosis, but I suffer from both of those, as well) done, what you're feeling, could be explained at least in part, on the basis of those maladies.

I also wonder if there isn't some sort of disassociation going on, as well? I'm.. not sure. I think I'm OSDD, but that's my own thought, not anything a professional has suggested. But I think you might peruse some of the disassociative forums, and see if you find any stories similar to yours.

For me... ignoring the mental cloud, seems to work as well as anything. Obsessing over it, definitely no. The more I worry about it, I think the more I'm hyper-aware, looking for every little thing, keeping my own brain under a microscope. I'm OCD and I could go pretty wild with that, if I allowed myself to. So I try to... there is a point at which I try to shut off my mind, from worrying about things such as you describe. I fear that with me, the more I fret over it, the worse I'll make it. And get caught up in a terrible feedback loop, where it's feeding on itself.

Life is short- make of it what you can, while you can.

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