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Ex GF said I lack empthay. Could it be a mental issue?

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Ex GF said I lack empthay. Could it be a mental issue?

Postby 2old4games » Fri Jun 14, 2019 2:55 am

I'm a 41 year old male and haven't cried since about 1993. Wikipedia says men cry on average about once a year. If that's true I concede I could be abnormal. I don't really feel depressed and I think i can relate to people when they feel pain or grieving but a lot of times I feel numb or indifferent. I seem to be able to cope with terrible situations better than other people. My ex seemed to be pretty adamant that I lacked empathy as if something was wrong with me. How do i find out?
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Re: Ex GF said I lack empthay. Could it be a mental issue?

Postby Snaga » Fri Jun 14, 2019 5:50 am

Hello and welcome to Psych Forums! I'm the moderator that approved your post- I also moved it to Living With Mental Illness, as I thought you might get a wider range of appropriate responses, here.

Did anything really bad happen back then? That you haven't cried, since? I know I haven't had a good cry in a long time, and I think that's due to some degree of depression- although I am quick to tears in small doses- I'm not a typical male, however.

I know that culturally, males tend to feel as if they must be a bit more stoic, still. From where I sit, it could be depression- depression isn't always a feeling of sadness, I'm given to understand. I've known people with deep, lasting, chronic severe depression, and have had it described to me, as a lack of feeling anything, really.

There are some personality disorders that tend to be short on empathy- I think if I were you, I'd start reading posts in some of the PDs, and see if anything clicks. I'd also think about some self-tests... always to be taken with a healthy grain of salt, but they might at least point you in a direction, should you decide to see a professional about this. Tests such as for the various personality disorders, depression, etc. Easily found thru web searches.

Those are some of my thoughts- I think it could be several things that cause you to feel this way.
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Re: Ex GF said I lack empthay. Could it be a mental issue?

Postby 2old4games » Sun Jun 16, 2019 4:53 pm

I don't think my child hood was as happy as others, i.e. living in my house was like boot camp and my parents were very strict. There were no participation tophies in my household and I certainly wasn't coddled. There were no time outs just the best leather belt. I think it's safe to say my childhood was more stressful than most but typical for children of Caribbean parents. Maybe that's why I don't cry at the end of sad movies? Maybe my emotions have been ireversably callused and I'm in need to counciling. I'm really not sure.
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Re: Ex GF said I lack empthay. Could it be a mental issue?

Postby Snaga » Mon Jun 17, 2019 4:07 am

2old4games wrote:Maybe that's why I don't cry at the end of sad movies? M


I would be a poor judge of that- I'm quicker to cry, than I think many males are. I don't consider myself very typically male.

While I get weepy very easily- incredibly easy- I do think I've lost my ability to have a really good cry. I think it's a symptom of chronic depression- low grade- I have what I call 'surface emotions'- but I'm not a generally happy person, deep down.
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