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Can I make it?

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Can I make it?

Postby olirei93 » Thu Jun 13, 2019 5:04 am

Hello everyone. So I struggle with schizoaffective disorder and depression. I don't know if I can make it on my own. I live with my mom right now and she is financially taking care of me. I don't know if I can move out on my own with a full-time job and support myself. I am afraid that I'm going to relapse and have to go back to a hospital and lose my job and have to move back in with my mom. My boyfriend talks about having a place together, but we just started dating, and I only want to move in if we are engaged and I'm not ready for that. I really need to move out though, this place is toxic for me. My mom and step dad fight a lot and my sister is cold to me. I need to be on my own. I have been before. It was amazing. Please help! :cry:
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Re: Can I make it?

Postby KATSAROSA » Mon Jun 24, 2019 11:06 am

Hey Olirei93,
Thing is clear here for me - you said it yourself - you need to move out, to feel better. You know it. You want it. But - you are scared, and it's completely normal. I don't have the disorders that you have so it might seem like it's so easy for me to say it to you, but trust me - all I want to to do is encourage you to do something that will make you happier. Especially - when you yourself know it. Well, you either can try to stand on your own feet, get a job, move out or - you can stay at your parents toxic house. It is completely normal to be afraid to start doing anything by yourself, but things won't get better if you just "ignore" them. First of all - you never know if you are going to relapse or not. Also - no one knows when or if they are going to lose a job, before they even start working. If your boyfriend wants to move out with you - do so - at least you will get out of your parents house. If anything happens - you can always move back, it's not like you are selling your own place to move in with your boyfriend. And also - I think you should try re-thinking your decision of moving in with someone, ONLY if they propose to you. That's.. well - this right here might scare potential lovers. Why? Because first of all - some people might say they want to get married some day, but it doesn't mean they are going to propose to you, secondly - some people say they want to propose but end up doing something different (cheating, breakups etc) - of course, I'am not saying it will happen to you. Lastly - if you are going to move in with someone only after you get engaged - you might never move in with someone at all. You see, I think you know it yourself - people are different. What we all say and what we end up doing - might differ completely from time to time. That's how most of us learn to deal with things.
While I was writing this I thought of one thing - do you like/love your SO? If so, what's exactly keeping you from moving in? The fact that you "just started dating"? Or as you said - your own fears have much more to do with all of this?

If you let me say it freely - move in with your boyfriend - TAKE this step for your own happiness. This will allow you to get away from the family and toxicity as you said ("toxic place"). Also, start working. This will allow you to be financially independent - it will let you gain a little bit more control of yourself - you won't feel like you can't do anything by yourself, and your fears my subside a bit (well, I hope so). When you start working - I repeat - you WON'T EVER know what's going to happen. But get this - if you won't do anything because of 'what ifs' - you won't ever know. And also - even if something happens - well, it happened, and what is left for you to do is not to get all closed-off and scared but - try to get up and move on. What I strongly believe in is - that life is absurd, things that we think might never happen - happen to us, "failures" happen too - but they are put there to test us. We can cry, get closed off, get mad, angry or sad about "unfairness" of it all - but that is our life. And those things that happen, or situations that we get ourselves into or other people push us into - they happen and we won't stop it. But we have a choice - we choose how we react to them. Either - give up, or - GET UP.

Also, it might seem like "no one understands" - but that is what most people think in their lives when we face hardships (no matter what kind). And also - I believe psychologists, psychiatrists are good - yes, they do their job. But the thing is - we can't rely on medication and doctors all our lives. I've been there and I felt for years like.. "oh, I might feel better, they do help me" - but the thing was, yeah - they did help me - but, I got used to receiving help and started feeling like I am different from the other people. Like I am somehow a failure, "broken" - I used to say that "I find beauty in fear, sadness and anger" - those emotions that I took with me from my childhood. And they never left me. I don't think they ever will. But - I choose to get up from the ground, and take responsibility for myself - as I think you should too now, because YOU ARE NOT HAPPY where you are right now. I wanted to write more, but I think I wrote a bit too much and some of it might be off topic.. but anyway.. I just felt what you wrote and wanted to reply. TAKE CARE!

And lastly.. my question is: If you are unhappy now.. what are you going to do? Chose, because it is YOUR life, and YOUR choice what to do.

Sending You best wishes!
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