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No Future

Postby kullboys » Thu Apr 11, 2019 4:11 am

Not sure how to convey this because I have difficultly expressing my true feelings + theres a lot going on in my life, so I'll break it down. I'm in high school. I have very few friends but rarely talk to them outside of calling/texting because I feel like an embarrassment/too shameful to be seen in public. I've had this mentality for years but recently its gotten worse due to some dumb impulsive choices (I cant even remember what I did exactly which makes things more difficult) I made this school year.

So far my goal has been to put myself out there more but I think I overextended myself (for the reason mentioned above) I've pretty much ruined my chances at having relationships with people I want to get to know, mainly because they associate with people that dislike me (which I don't blame them, since its my own fault. Like I said I made some dumb decisions)

Another issue is that I'm so distant and bad at conversation that I seem to come off as someone who think themselves better than everyone else. I really don't want to be seen this way but it is what it is

I want to go out and be involved with a community outside school but I'm always paranoid I'll somehow run into the people who dislike me and they'll thwart my attempts at belonging and I won't even have the social tools to do something about it

I know this looks silly and dramatic to anyone whos past this point of their life but I'm so lost. I live in a relatively close-knit area so its difficult to find people when youve rarely interacted in the past few years and have a bad rep following you and unsure how to fix it.

Thanks.
kullboys
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