Our partner

I’m sick

Open Discussions about how Mental Illness affects your life.
*****PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE POSTING HERE*****

When posting on Psychforums.com please try to pick the forum you think best fits your post. If your post would fit in a specialized forum (there are more than 100 forums here) then please post there rather than in the "Living With Mental Illness" forum. Thank you for your cooperation in this matter. Moderators could move your thread without notice if they feel it is fitting better into another forum.

The Mod Team

I’m sick

Postby Justddrown » Sat Mar 23, 2019 4:45 am

I swore I’d never return to this site but I’m sick. psychosis is present severity I can’t tell. I don’t want to admit it when confronted. I’ll try my best to brush it off but it’s really actually got ahold of me. I just have no idea what to do to stop it. I have a lot of contempt for myself. I’m scared. I keep saying to myself I’m scared. I hate to ask this like I don’t know the answer is no but is there anything out there for people who really need help but really don’t need to be in a hospital? I just need my whole mindset changed and I’m worried I can’t do that without sorting through what causes my illness to show itself. What’s so bad is knowing it’s present being aware of being sick and it channeling itself out anyways. I want to run away from myself. Like kill the old me and start new as a new person and completely leave the old. I want to be irrecognizable even to myself. There doesn’t seem like much to work through if the new self didn’t do it but that’s not true. I honestly only know that I’m not doing so well and don’t know how to get better. Night kids.
Justddrown
Consumer 5
Consumer 5
 
Posts: 130
Joined: Tue Sep 26, 2017 4:51 am
Local time: Mon Apr 22, 2019 1:27 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: I’m sick

Postby chuckyv2 » Sat Mar 23, 2019 5:55 pm

Hey, why do you have contempt for yourself?
I am former member chucky http://www.psychforums.com/chucky-u5396/, whose account retired with 28,158 posts.
chuckyv2
Consumer 2
Consumer 2
 
Posts: 47
Joined: Thu Nov 22, 2012 12:35 am
Local time: Mon Apr 22, 2019 6:27 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: I’m sick

Postby Justddrown » Mon Mar 25, 2019 12:50 am

I feel contempt for myself because it seems I end up hurting people as if it were my nature. I feel bad because it’s like I drain the life out of people. Although I still believe I’m sick and have been for quite a while and this is nothing I haven’t felt before I’m having trouble shedding a lot of guilt and how I have affected others negatively. My other encourages me to move on I have in the past but it keeps surfacing in my mind and it makes me feel guilt amongst feelings of hurt for letting others down. I feel the best thing to do is open up to a professional or knowledgeable supportive person. Online therapy apps may be a good option to try...maybe. I think it would be better for me than face to face where I seem to hold back in a therapists office. I also shamefully engaged in several weeks of what I can only acknowledge as self mutilation stemming from manic induced self inflicted trauma from a long time ago...I stopped 2 days ago. I don’t know what else to say. I’m baffled by myself I could go on but unsure.
Justddrown
Consumer 5
Consumer 5
 
Posts: 130
Joined: Tue Sep 26, 2017 4:51 am
Local time: Mon Apr 22, 2019 1:27 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: I’m sick

Postby chuckyv2 » Mon Mar 25, 2019 2:06 pm

Hey, I know what it is like to feel that way; however, most likely, you are not letting anybody down or disappointing them. Do you feel the need to prove yourself to people; if so, why?
I am former member chucky http://www.psychforums.com/chucky-u5396/, whose account retired with 28,158 posts.
chuckyv2
Consumer 2
Consumer 2
 
Posts: 47
Joined: Thu Nov 22, 2012 12:35 am
Local time: Mon Apr 22, 2019 6:27 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: I’m sick

Postby Justddrown » Mon Mar 25, 2019 8:25 pm

Yes I do feel a deep desire to prove something that exhibits my worth and it’s not really to be accepted or looked up to but more of a way to devour everything I can’t live down and makes past judgements of me irrelevant. It could be something developmental I guess. I read a thread on here how a person can be stupid and intelligent and people can also be smart but unintelligent and I also want to prove to myself most likely that I’m not stupid as well. I think I’m getting over a lot of delusions as well some I’ve accepted as objective reality, some I’ve chosen not to care about and some that are best kept between brothers. I’ve become what I never really cared to be in a lot of ways. Ego has always been an issue but I never really cared for that when I was younger and a lot of good qualities have turned into the opposite of what they once where and maybe it does derive from that but I’m pretty sure it’s just a way of making me feel I’ve defeated my past. I think a reason behind why I feel the need to prove something is because of ages where I had very little verbal communication skills and they were pivotal years. I wouldn’t trade what I have now for something else though but a failure of that nature just defeats me that I’m waiting to change that but I’m in a stand still in my progress and desperation is starting to settle in and I don’t want that. It’s so sad and sick. On top of that I have a poor self image. I never really did good things I sinned against myself, I’ve hurt, I’ve talked smack, held negativity towards others. It’s one thing to be unaware of yourself but those were the choices I’ve made in my life and I don’t want to look back any longer but I have to get past it. I’m scared to approach these issues because I don’t want to dwell due to the stupidity of dwelling let alone over something from soooo long ago because of how off putting things become when you do that. I also feel like I’m going nowhere and that I’m lazy the later I’ve believed for a long time. It’s unfortunate but I can’t hold that kind of stuff responsible I need the root of that problem. How did that start?
Justddrown
Consumer 5
Consumer 5
 
Posts: 130
Joined: Tue Sep 26, 2017 4:51 am
Local time: Mon Apr 22, 2019 1:27 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: I’m sick

Postby Justddrown » Sun Mar 31, 2019 1:29 am

Figured I’d reply before I try to check out and try to stay off of here. I just want to say I’m doing better and I think stability will improve it just got bad for a week. So I made it a month without any of my spells then had one oh well. I’ll just pick up where I left off towards my path of wellness.
Justddrown
Consumer 5
Consumer 5
 
Posts: 130
Joined: Tue Sep 26, 2017 4:51 am
Local time: Mon Apr 22, 2019 1:27 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)


Return to Living With Mental Illness Forum




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 31 guests