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Why Supportive Friends Become Unsupportive

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Why Supportive Friends Become Unsupportive

Postby RottenFish » Mon Mar 11, 2019 12:43 am

Living with mental illness is not easy. I suffer from OCD, so I know this to be true. But how do I feel when my depressed friends constantly come to me for support? It doesn't make things easier. In the last year, I had to drop 2 friends of mine who suffer from mental issues. Why did I change from a supportive "great" friend to an unsupportive person? Here's why:

1. The constant need for attention. Sure, we all want to be supported when things are rough. But my two friends didn't know when enough was enough. The daily phone calls, the endless text messages, and constant need for attention becomes overwhelming.

2. The fact that I'm not a therapist. A great friend is there when you need them. But to rely on me as the sole person to come to when things go awry is too much to put on me, especially when I have my own mental state to care for.

3. Coming to me only when times are tough. It's nice that I'm able to lift the moods of my depressed friends, but where are they when things are going good? They're nowhere to be found.

4. Not being there when I'm going through an episode. This is a biggie for me. I found it interesting how my "friends" constantly forgot the mental issues I was having too. As if the whole world revolved around them.

5. Not following my advice and then expecting me to listen to the same repetitive mistakes. Of course I don't expect my friends to follow my advice. But to expect my support when all their actions prove they don't want to get better is ridiculous.

I understand friends are suppose to support one another, but we all have our own lives, too.
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Re: Why Supportive Friends Become Unsupportive

Postby Parador » Mon Mar 11, 2019 3:38 pm

5. Not following my advice and then expecting me to listen to the same repetitive mistakes.


Do you ever try "I told you so"?
This is a biggie for me. I found it interesting how my "friends" constantly forgot the mental issues I was having too. As if the whole world revolved around them.

Me too. I keep myself pretty distant from people and that's one of the reasons. My avpd makes sense.
Smoke me a kipper, I'll be back for breakfast.
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Re: Why Supportive Friends Become Unsupportive

Postby RottenFish » Tue Mar 12, 2019 4:03 pm

Parador wrote:Do you ever try "I told you so"?


Yea I've tried many times ... it only comes across as being even more unsupportive. When a friendship gets to this point, I usually call it quits and move on.

I've come in contact with many people who want support. It's hard to do that when all they do is repeat behaviors that make their situation worse. Plus, support needs to go both ways. I've seen people who want to be bathed in support, but refuse to give any. :roll:
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