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Self-care is a fulltime job, and I'm burnt out on it.

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Self-care is a fulltime job, and I'm burnt out on it.

Postby woobilicious » Tue Feb 26, 2019 12:26 pm

I'm so sick of looking after myself when I'm mentally "well", trying to constantly keep on top of chores like doing washing and keeping my room tidy, exercise, and eating well. that I barely have any energy for my future (like finding a job, working on my hobbies), Or relaxation time.

It seems like I can last a max of 3 weeks in a "good mental state" before I burn out and everything falls apart again.

Then it leads to a bunch of self-esteem issues, because I feel pathetic with how little energy I have and how fragile I am for being a 30y/o male, I lower my standards constantly to meet my low energy and still somehow fall short, I already feel pathetic enough with my #######5 CV.

Maybe I have ADHD, because my inattentiveness didn't go away after my depression & anxiety had left, it just made it manageable, it would also explain why all my issues formed in the first place, not that it matters no one in my country deals with mental health well, they just pump you full of drugs and do everything to help you stay on welfare, because it keeps them employed.

Somedays I really consider just giving up, Neuroplasticity slows at 30, and my empty CV, and career goals is looking more and more pathetic the older I get, my inattentiveness is getting worse.

I don't understand how people are resilient, I don't understand how people keep moving forward in times of adversity, I don't understand how people keep their self-esteem while constantly dealing with rejection (either in dating or looking for jobs) and personal struggles.

And yes I'm seeing a therapist, I have no clue if it's helping, I don't know what "good therapy" looks like.
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Re: Self-care is a fulltime job, and I'm burnt out on it.

Postby phoenix1 » Wed Mar 06, 2019 11:29 am

Well, you said it right. Self-care IS a full time job.

Life itself is a full time job.

I've been there, the "why keep going" argument. Don't beat yourself up, I think it's something anyone arrives to that is above average intelligence.

There is no goal. You get to make your own. Once you step out of the day to day BS in my opinion, you start forming relationships and hobbies that matter to you. I tell people exactly what I'm like, my weird quirks, things that make me sad, dumb mistakes I've made and learned from. My ego died a long long time ago. In short, if you don't like me or what I tell you about me, move along because I'm way beyond caring or trying to impress you.

Personally, most of my struggle was trying to fit in, trying to be normal. Looking back, I never wanted to be. Normal is boring, and most people are boring. Copies of everything else they see, trying to fit in.

They think with more money, a promotion, etc. They'll be happier. It's not really true.

Hell, I use my depression in my favor LOL "I don't wanna be here" not much scares me anymore, I know there's no goal, etc. I can weed out the BS very quickly. I just keep quiet and to myself. The less on my plate the better. (for me)

So, anyways. It's ok and you're ok. Self-care is a full time job, and it's ok to be ok, or even not ok.

I'm 27, and despite years of binge drinking and doing things that aren't good for my health, I'm still very well off.

What I'm getting at is that you still have many years left in you to live a wonderful life, whatever that may be for you.

If I may humbly suggest a few things that helped me:
1. Delete social media, that stuff is worthless.
2. Make amends with past mistakes or friends, be honest and build REAL relationships.
3. Find things you ARE confident in. Everyone has something, anything. Don't be boastful, but you can be content with your skills.
4. Enjoy music. (one of the few things I do love)
5. If you're going to something, put your heart into it, even if it isn't much. (I flew 1400 miles to see my best friend for 20 hours. I was madly in love, had my heart torn to shreds, but at the end of the day I can say I'm willing to go very far for people I care about, and can prove it.)
6. If you are addicted to anything destructive, either cut back or cut it off. (I spent years binge drinking, while I'm not perfect, cutting back has really helped)

I'll think of some others, but I'd go to a general doctor as well. Diet changes, vitamins, etc. can all help.

Please don't give up on anything, and if you want to talk privately you can PM me.

You're not alone, and I wish you all the best today. One of the hardest things I had to learn is that when I needed help, legitimate help, no one came to help me. No one gave a s***. I refuse to let that happen to anyone else as best I can.

Hard to lean on someone when no one is there.

I'm here, and so is everyone else on this forum. I do mean that.
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Re: Self-care is a fulltime job, and I'm burnt out on it.

Postby quietgirl2538 » Wed Mar 06, 2019 9:36 pm

phoenix1 has some really insightful viewpoints and experience. I like all that was shared and do some of it myself. It's nice to be reminded of all that.

I have ADD. My inattentiveness lessened with ritalin but it's still there. I have to compensate by jotting down lots and lots of notes and lists. It's like, if I think of something important, I have to go jot it down quickly or else it escapes me and I forget right away. So, meds, as I've found, are not a cure all, but they do help, they just don't fix or make the ADD go away. I still take the ritalin, it helps me a lot. I see so much good out of it. I wanted to share that about ADD.

I don't have a whole lot to add about self-care, but I try not to listen to those moments when everything really seems like it's so hard. Life is hard. Yes, that's my grasp on that, because it is, it can be and it is what it is. Life can also be joyous and wonderful. I am merely reminding you that it can be that too. :D I hope you feel better. I hope other members post here and give you a word of support when you need it most.
“There’s an Asian expression that ‘a burden shared is halved.’"

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Re: Self-care is a fulltime job, and I'm burnt out on it.

Postby RottenFish » Sun Mar 10, 2019 3:56 pm

So true. Self care is a 24/7 job. Even when we sleep we must self-care, because we need to make sure we are sleeping in a healthy environment.

Self-care is very important to me, since life is even more difficult if we "let ourselves go." Exercising everyday, eating the right food, and keeping my mind and body in tip-top shape is important to me. Why? Because my mental health is a lot worse if I'm out of shape and I eat junk food.

Also, surrounding myself with happy positive people is very crucial to my mental well-being. This is why I always say it's better to be alone than in bad company. I would never choose to expose myself to negative stimuli (like the news) when I can be using that time to clean my home.

As for social media, I never was on it and never plan to be. The social media circus is a time-waster. I would rather spend that time watching a funny movie.

As for finding a good therapist ... I gave up on that years ago. After having 6 therapists that only worsened my mental state, I decided only I could be my own best therapist.
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