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I hate myself

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I hate myself

Postby mansnils » Fri Jan 18, 2019 10:09 am

I'm suffering from stuck thoughts and overwhelming fatigue. Treatment against fatigue has not helped. When I confront my mother about my fatigue she blames my lack of sleep. I hate myself. I don't want any of this nonsense. I just wish everything was normal.
mansnils
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Re: I hate myself

Postby Wally58 » Fri Jan 18, 2019 1:08 pm

Personally, I would hate the illness more. We aren't responsible for our afflictions, but we are held accountable as to how we deal with them.
I went for a white-knuckle ride as I entered recovery from addictions and disorders. It is a process and not an event.
We have friends that are on our side and want us to recover, doctors, counselors and therapists included. Stand among them. Stick with the winners.
Listen and learn. While you can't think your way out of this, a positive mindset is important for healing the injuries. There will be setbacks (that is the nature of life), behaviors and reactions to unlearn and it may take some time. The further away you can get from the triggers and situations that cause the mental injury, the better.
Seek support from your peers, like you are doing here. I commend you for that.
Many of us have had similar struggles and issues. It helps to listen to others and how they got better and what they did to get there.
I learned a lot about myself and didn't feel so darn unique in the 12-step rooms. I came out of hiding and my self-imposed shame and became a more social creature.
Once the clouds began to lift, I felt the hopelessness turn into hopefulness. It didn't happen right away and some of the 'gifts' were not what I had wished for, but I was alive and I was teachable.
I have choices and I can make clear-headed decisions today. I can trust in my own best judgement, even though I can and do still make mistakes. Every day is a school-day. One day at a time.
Best of luck to you. :D
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Re: I hate myself

Postby mansnils » Fri Jan 18, 2019 1:57 pm

Wally58 wrote:Personally, I would hate the illness more. We aren't responsible for our afflictions, but we are held accountable as to how we deal with them.
I went for a white-knuckle ride as I entered recovery from addictions and disorders. It is a process and not an event.
We have friends that are on our side and want us to recover, doctors, counselors and therapists included. Stand among them. Stick with the winners.
Listen and learn. While you can't think your way out of this, a positive mindset is important for healing the injuries. There will be setbacks (that is the nature of life), behaviors and reactions to unlearn and it may take some time. The further away you can get from the triggers and situations that cause the mental injury, the better.
Seek support from your peers, like you are doing here. I commend you for that.
Many of us have had similar struggles and issues. It helps to listen to others and how they got better and what they did to get there.
I learned a lot about myself and didn't feel so darn unique in the 12-step rooms. I came out of hiding and my self-imposed shame and became a more social creature.
Once the clouds began to lift, I felt the hopelessness turn into hopefulness. It didn't happen right away and some of the 'gifts' were not what I had wished for, but I was alive and I was teachable.
I have choices and I can make clear-headed decisions today. I can trust in my own best judgement, even though I can and do still make mistakes. Every day is a school-day. One day at a time.
Best of luck to you. :D


Sorry if my reaction was wrong. I'm just frustrated because my parents aren't supporting me through my struggles. My parents don't know or understand everything of what I'm going through. They tend to think I'm weak-minded. You're right about everything you say.

In case you didn't know, I'm currently at a psychiatric ward seeking help against my struggles. I'm optimistic about my chances of getting better.
mansnils
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Re: I hate myself

Postby Wally58 » Fri Jan 18, 2019 11:24 pm

Your parents may not be ready to accept your struggles. They could be in denial that their own son is in need of psychiatric help.
If it were a physical injury such as a broken bone, it is something they could see and know that it was real and that it would eventually heal.
Mental or psychological injuries are not tangible, except to you and the people who are trained to treat them. They are also tangible to those patients that you are with that are suffering from the same stuck thoughts and fatigue.
The stuck thoughts and fatigue are very real and keep us from functioning to our fullest and enjoying life.
It is expensive to live on your own. I was accepted into a rooming house with other men in recovery. I had my own bedroom and little storage.
It wasn't quite a halfway house, but it was a recovery house. I got better here after I moved in back here from a tent in 1990. I purchased the house from the owner in 1996 and have been here ever since. I feel safe here. Sometimes it feels like the house owns me instead of me owning the house. :mrgreen:
Wally58
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