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Just fix myself already

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Just fix myself already

Postby mansnils » Mon Jan 14, 2019 10:39 am

I'm sick and tired of my situation. Fatigue. Dizziness. Confusion. Every part of me says I'm wrong and need to be fixed right away. Every second of this is too much. Every millisecond of this is too much. Every single moment of this is too much. Nobody understands how hard I'm suffering. Help me! Take me out of this hell now! I've had so much patience already. I'm just waiting to get normal so I no longer have to complain and can go on to a normal life.

I honestly couldn’t care less about the outside world. What’s happening in my parents’ lives or to my local ice hockey team or Swedish politics doesn’t matter to me. In fact, I don’t give a damn about the outside world. I just want my mental health fixed so I can live a normal life. That’s the only thing I truly care about. Everything else may be a subject of perception, opinion or interpretation, but my mental health is the one thing that truly and ultimately matters to me.
mansnils
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Re: Just fix myself already

Postby phoenix1 » Tue Jan 15, 2019 9:40 am

Been there, and I'm still there. I will start off by telling you, from experience and WITHOUT medication, it does get better.

Look for the little victories every day. Whether they're for you or someone else. YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE MISTAKES. One thing I deal with is thinking EVERY LITTLE THING is a mistake that will land me in prison or ruin my life or make others shun me.

I don't care much about the outside world either...I think you're completely correct in what you said, I don't care about sports, politics, or people's BS conversations. More or less, it feels like you're in a total nightmare. Like you're walking around alone, and you're scared to tell anyone anything. When you do, they give you some BS like "just think about something else" or "don't be depressed" or something completely meaningless LOL

The advantage to this (at least for me) is that life becomes extremely simple. I don't talk much, I don't have any social media, and maybe 30-40 people have my phone number. I go to work, I come home, I make tea, I read books, listen to music, and go to bed.

Not suggesting it's a thrilling life, but I've done things most people are scared of, simply because I'm not scared of dying. Skydiving, driving fast, doing stupid adrenaline things, etc.

If you are not seeking professional help, I would suggest trying. It may really help you and ground you to have someone else, a professional tell you you're not messed up or broken.

I coined a phrase when someone tells me their life is hell and they don't want to take it anymore.

"If you're going through hell, I will sit with you in the flames."

Once again, it DOES get better. I promise. Look for the little victories and find little things you enjoy. Coffee, a conversation, a video game, movies, music, etc.

Love and peace,
J
phoenix1
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Re: Just fix myself already

Postby mansnils » Tue Jan 15, 2019 11:32 am

phoenix1 wrote:Been there, and I'm still there. I will start off by telling you, from experience and WITHOUT medication, it does get better.

Look for the little victories every day. Whether they're for you or someone else. YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE MISTAKES. One thing I deal with is thinking EVERY LITTLE THING is a mistake that will land me in prison or ruin my life or make others shun me.

I don't care much about the outside world either...I think you're completely correct in what you said, I don't care about sports, politics, or people's BS conversations. More or less, it feels like you're in a total nightmare. Like you're walking around alone, and you're scared to tell anyone anything. When you do, they give you some BS like "just think about something else" or "don't be depressed" or something completely meaningless LOL

The advantage to this (at least for me) is that life becomes extremely simple. I don't talk much, I don't have any social media, and maybe 30-40 people have my phone number. I go to work, I come home, I make tea, I read books, listen to music, and go to bed.

Not suggesting it's a thrilling life, but I've done things most people are scared of, simply because I'm not scared of dying. Skydiving, driving fast, doing stupid adrenaline things, etc.

If you are not seeking professional help, I would suggest trying. It may really help you and ground you to have someone else, a professional tell you you're not messed up or broken.

I coined a phrase when someone tells me their life is hell and they don't want to take it anymore.

"If you're going through hell, I will sit with you in the flames."

Once again, it DOES get better. I promise. Look for the little victories and find little things you enjoy. Coffee, a conversation, a video game, movies, music, etc.

Love and peace,
J


Thanks for the support and the connections you make to your own experiences. I'm currently at a mental healthcare ward hoping for my condition to improve. I'll keep myself positive and my hopes alive. I don't think ECT is the right thing to go for me. It doesn't appear to help my condition. At least it doesn't address it.
mansnils
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Posts: 39
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